I’m Only Human

Last Thursday I had a weak moment. I still get these from time to time, but I did something I shouldn’t have done and broadcasted it on Facebook. Now I’m all for people using social media as an outlet to discuss their feelings, give their opinions, and use it as a tool to seek advice or help from others. However, what I said probably sounded bad and I may have been possessed by the devil when writing it as it did not even cross my mind that 95% of my “friends” on there don’t really know me.

I wrote something along the lines of “If I hear one more pregnant person complain about feeling sick, being tired, or feeling fat I’m going to flip shit. Be thankful for your health and the health of your baby. Have a nice day”. Okay, if I saw this and knew that the woman had a miscarriage earlier this year, I think that she was going through a tough time that day and it would make me be thankful for a healthy pregnancy. I don’t think everyone on Earth would wish their pregnancy otherwise, but that’s not the point. I obviously was not going to “flip shit”, haha. I wasn’t saying it in a rude manner, but I know now (especially being in a less-emotional state) that it could very well be taken that way. There is also a difference between complaining and bitching. I’ll be the first person to admit that I complain- it’s not chronic, but I do it. We all do. That day my emotions got the best of me and with everyone boasting about all that they are thankful for this month I just wanted people- even those who are not expecting- to just think about that for a moment.

This caused somewhat of an upheaval. My words rubbed some people the wrong way. I should’ve been prepared to take the heat from those that didn’t agree, understand, or wanted to voice their opinion that didn’t correspond with mine. Well, I wasn’t. My husband was working late that evening- thank goodness- because I was a mess the entire night. Sounds pretty silly to get bent out of shape about a post I wrote, haha. It was brought to my attention that maybe people complain because they have no other avenues to find information or get other people’s opinions about these issues. I honestly hadn’t thought about it that way. I ask for people’s opinions quite often on social media because I like hearing what people I actually know suggest. However, you can ask seek the advice of others without complaining, you know? There’s a huge difference between “I’ve never been this tired before nor have I felt this sick!” and “I seriously cannot wait for the sickness to be over with, I feel like hell, I feel like a house….” Things along those lines :)

After the miscarriage a few months ago, at least 20 women I know announced their pregnancies. Some were here in El Paso, but most were either friends or acquaintances on Facebook. I started noticing all of the pregnant girls walking around campus. That’s life though, huh? When you’re single, you have all of your friends getting married. When you’re married, they’re all getting knocked up. When you’re in college, they all have good jobs. It will always be something.

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Random picture to break up the long text :) Don’t worry- I was stopped.

I started thinking after talking to a few people that are extremely important and close to me. Social media as drastically changed our lives over the past several years. Mostly for the better, but with the good always comes some bad. If it weren’t for Facebook, I would have never started dating my husband! I’ve re-connected with some people from my past and enjoy seeing what they are up to. Some social groups even helped me make a few friends out here in El Paso! On the other hand, there are also negative aspects such as comparing yourself with others, getting offended by other people’s opinions, etc. I contemplated deactivating my account for a while on several occasions, but ending up utilizing the nice little “hide from newsfeed button”. Childish? Haha maybe, but it’s better than disconnecting myself entirely from the social network world because I’d start crying the instant I saw a pregnancy announcement or baby bump photo. Don’t get me wrong- I made an announcement and posted a few statuses/pictures myself. I did it because I’m across the flipping country from my family and friends- not across town.

I tried being strong, keeping myself busy (I finished all of my papers/projects weeks early so I can spend the next few weeks relaxing, starting my job search, and doing whatever I damn well please!), and trying to put it behind me. Well, sometimes that’s easier said than done. I love my husband more than anything, but there have been times that all I’ve wanted to do was sit in my pajamas eating pizza with my best friend while watching Animal Planet (her favorite). Or laying on the couch at my mom’s house watching the Real Housewives of Orange County and gossiping with my brother and sister. Or hanging out in the sun-room and my uncle and aunt’s talking about life. Despite hiding what you don’t want to see, social media has made things in-your-face more than ever. If it weren’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t have felt as if salt was being poured on my opened wound multiple times a week when I was trying to move on. You may think I’m absolutely nuts and that’s fine. I’ll respect your opinion ;)

The point of this post was not to complain about people complaining although it may seem that way. I don’t really know what the point is, but this has been bugging me and I wanted to write about it. It’s my blog so I can do what I want, right? :) With Thanksgiving being six days away, I’m truly going to be thankful for everything I DO have, instead of what I want but don’t. I challenge you to do the same. I’m not really religious, but this phrase has helped me tremendously over the past few months:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

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Aside from my hot pajamas, isn’t he the cutest thing ever?! Love his nighttime snuggles!

I really need to get better at taking pictures of more than just our animals.

What has helped you pull through a difficult time in your life?

What are your thoughts on social media? Do you ever find yourself playing the comparison trap?

What are your plans for this weekend?!

Have a good one! xoxo

This entry was posted in Life, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Random. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to I’m Only Human

  1. jacqi b. says:

    kim, i think it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like you did pre-pregnancy and post-miscarriage. you have every right to feel how you did/do, and you would think people would be understanding and respect your opinion and feelings. trust me, i’ve had my fair share of feeling attacked or misunderstood based on something i’ve posted (and have been extremely bent out of shape…umm i jokingly hashtagged a “sorryimnotsorry” on a IG pic and someone flat out said in a fb status “people that say “sorryimnotsorry” look like assholes” literally 2 minutes later and it caused an uproar to what my response was “if that makes me an asshole, then so be it. i’m sure i’ve been called or done worse.”), but then i remind myself no one can truly understand because they’re not in my shoes and we all experience things differently. unless you can be real and express your thoughts and opinions, the world would be boring. facebook and other social media outlets have allowed us to put ourselves and our emotions out there for everyone to see and hear…happiness, grieving, sadness, love, etc…it’s YOUR fb/blog/twitter/ig so post whatever the hell you want. if you don’t like it, “hide” or unfollow it. and as far as living across the country and being a military significant other, i completely get that. again, unless you’ve been in that situation, it’s kind of hard for some to comprehend why you can put yourself and life out there because they’ve never lived a life like that. it isn’t easy, and no, i’m not going to go write a mass fb message to my family and friends if i have something to tell them. just keep doing you, i enjoy your posts and i check in on your blog whenever i see a fb post from ya!

    • livingnbliss says:

      Thanks, Jacqi! I love how you are not afraid to voice your opinion. For real, I truly admire that. Most of my life I tended to keep my mouth shut (unless I was really pushed over the limit), and while that’s sometimes the best thing to do, it got me nowhere! You’re right- the world would be boring without the difference of opinions and a little debate, and I shouldn’t be afraid to say something because I’m scared of the response I’ll get. I love the last part about not writing a mass Facebook message to family and friends if you have something you want to tell them- I completely agree! BTW, you are one of the people I’m thankful for having the chance to reconnect with :) Hope you have a fabulous weekend!

      • jacqi b. says:

        just saw this cause i creeped on your most recent post haha and thank you…i make no apologies for who i am or what i say. i know i’m not a crazy, uneducated fool, so i like to feel like what i say or do can influence others and make them think, laugh, etc. and it’s a mutual feeling on reconnecting! we grew up together in the neighborhood and i like being associated with people that are themselves, are positive, etc. keep at it and congrats on being done with school! whoop whoop! :D

  2. Definitely the downside of social media, we sometimes make a statement either thinking it’s funny or sarcastic, but that just doesn’t come through…and it also depends on the mood of the person reading it!

  3. Pingback: Today Was My Due Date & Choosing Happiness | livingnbliss

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