Defining “Infertile”

I don’t want to seem like I’m throwing around the words “infertile” and “infertility” like it’s nothing. However, I was asked by someone why the term is used if I did, in fact, conceive before. You may or may not have thought the same thing, so here we go.

These are my thoughts and what I’ve been told by my specialist (for those of you that don’t know, we sought a specialized fertility OBGYN last year and had our initial appointment early July. I had a positive pregnancy test 2 days before that appointment. She has remained our doctor throughout our journey):

  •  According to Medline Plus, here is the definition of infertility:

Infertility means you cannot make a baby (conceive).

Infertility is grouped into two categories:

*Primary infertility refers to couples who have not become pregnant after at least 1 year of unprotected sex (intercourse).

*Secondary infertility refers to couples who have been pregnant at least once, but are not able to get pregnant now.

  • I’m not sure we fall into either of these categories because we’ve been trying for well over a year and did conceive. I’ve obviously never had a live birth though. I stopped taking birth control in November 2012 and we conceived in late June 2013. That’s 6-7 months. However- ovulation tests, temping, or any sort of monitoring was not occurring during this time period.
  • I miscarried in September at 14 weeks. The baby was measuring 11 weeks or so. The fetus shrinks as time goes on, so my doc assumed it occurred around week 12. Genetic abnormalities was thought to be the probable cause.
  • I went almost 2 weeks until I got the D & C done. No signs of miscarrying occurred- not sure why my body was holding on to it. I needed it out of me at this point- I’d wake up and cry as it was messing with my mind and overall mentality. Anyways, the surgeon was super nice and said it took a bit longer than expected (an hour and a half), but everything looked good.
  • We started trying again in November. This is when I learned all about OPK’s.
  • December-April: You can catch up on what’s been going on in my previous posts via the “Pregnancy Loss and Infertility” tab above.

My doctor told me if I wasn’t pregnant by January that we’d need to start testing. Apparently, you are more fertile within 6 months of miscarrying or having a D & C. Well, I’m an example of that not being the case. My progesterone was extremely low- too low to even get pregnant, and if I miraculously happened to, the pregnancy wouldn’t be viable. Thus, why we started fertility medication: Clomid. This drug enhances ovulation and increases progesterone, so it’s basically a win/win. There are side effects so we will only do a few rounds. If we don’t get a positive result, we will have a consultation and go from there. ***8/2016 edit: I’ve since learned that Clomid works best on women that are already ovulating on their own.

I don’t want people to think I’m acting like I’ve been TTC for years and shit. I’m simply trying to document our journey, let others know that it’s okay to be vocal about their issues, and to feel less alone. Nevertheless, my doctor put “unexplained infertility” in my chart and using any sort of medication, injections, or procedures to conceive is called infertility treatment. There are a variety of avenues to utilize when trying to reproduce!

I hope I have not offended anyone about potentially claiming to be infertile. I’m not-I conceived before, but our loss hurt.  I’m merely stating our struggles and current procedures. We’ve gotten pregnant before, but my doctor felt as though fertility meds would not only enhance our chances of conceiving again, but also sustain the pregnancy.

Moreover, we are not like “normal” couples. My husband is currently in a non-deployable unit, but it won’t be like that forever and there is always a chance he can be sent somewhere at any given moment. His job does require him to do field training about 4 months out of the year, but it’s split up. Sometimes he’s gone a week or two, other times he’s gone six weeks or so. He can’t put his work on hold or tell his boss he’s gotta get home because his wife is due to ovulate soon (not that a normal person would tell their boss that- just sayin!). Thus, we don’t have the typical 12 chances out of the year to conceive like most couples, so we’re grabbing the bull by his horns. He’s 31 and I’m 28. We aren’t old, but in the military community we are definitely not young to be trying for our first child (most people have at least one, if not 2 or 3 by this point…just gimme one!). ***Edit 4/25/16: Non-deployable doesn’t mean a thing, haha. We got a HUGE surprise two months after this post was written that Tyler would be leaving promptly within 10 days for nine months…

So there ya have it.

I’m advocating anyone that is currently trying to conceive or has endured a miscarriage. I’m not trying to act like our circumstances are oh so horrible- they’re not, yet it doesn’t mean that it’s not tiresome and a roller-coaster of emotions. We know that seeing two pink lines again doesn’t mean that we’ll for sure be blessed with a baby- apprehension lingers in my mind about miscarrying again. But voicing our journey and my thoughts and giving other people the chance to feel less alone is my primary goal.

Have a fabulous day! 🙂



7 thoughts on “Defining “Infertile”

  1. Kim, don’t let anyone tell you that your pain is justified. There is no “harder than”, there is just hard.No one can tell you that the pain they feel is bigger than yours because they’ve been trying longer. Some people just have no compassion… and other people just like to compete for every thing, even shitty things like this one. Just them to fuck off because you didn’t ask their opinion! The only thing that matters is how you and Tyler feel, every one else are just spectators and their vote doesn’t count. 🙂

  2. the pain of infertility is hard enough WITHOUT a miscarriage. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t justified in your feelings. Thank you for being so open and honest with your feelings girl. I don’t understand the pain of a miscarriage, but I do understand infertility. I’m here for you if you ever need an ear!! I feel you on the age thing… we are EXACTLY the same age as you and your hubby!

    • I didn’t realize that you guys are the same ages as us! I know you can completely understand the frustration of month after month nothing happening, yet trying to do everything right. Thank you for your sweet comment- I appreciate it 🙂 Love seeing how much happiness your little guy has brought into your life!

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