Counting Successes Rather Than Days During a Deployment

**** I’d like to give a huge shout-out to Elizabeth from Elizabeth Loves for helping me customize my blog over the past week! Though I’m slowly learning, I’m clueless when it comes to the back-end of blog design, and she was extremely helpful, made the process easy, and was absolutely wonderful to work with. Elizabeth is also a fellow military wife who writes about all different arrays of life- so check out her blog!

Alright, obviously I’d rather have my husband right next to me, but that simply is not possible right now. Though this is TJ’s third deployment, it’s our first together, and it hit us out of nowhere. This post is not meant to judge, nor to say that that dealing with it one way is better than others. It’s simply portraying how I’m trying to juggle being apart from my husband and, better yet, getting him home safe and sound.

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Late 2011- Visiting TJ at Fort Benning while he was at OCS.

I’ve only been an army wife for a bit over two years, but I’ve come into contact with numerous spouses. After the basic “get to know ya” questions, they tend to ask whether or not you’re husband has deployed or not. Is this a status thing? For real…I’m asking all the military spouses out there. Did I not qualify to be in the “real army wife” category because I didn’t experience a deployment with my husband yet? Who knows…

I didn’t even know he existed back then, but Tyler did two, 12 month tours previously in Iraq. Long story short if you’re new- He was enlisted from 2001 to 2007 and left as a Staff Sergeant…went to college and got a dual degree in Marketing and Business, then went back in as an Officer.

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TJ in Iraq…

Anyways, as much as I want to lie in bed and watch Netflix or Hulu all day, I know I can’t (but some days I will). I HAVE to focus on the positives of this deployment…Tyler has tried to remind me of some.

  • Our marriage will be stronger than ever
  • Our true friendships will shine through
  • Our familial relations will grow closer together

In all honesty, I am not the most positive person in the world. Ask those closest to me, haha. It’s funny though because I get many comments applauding me for my optimism. I kind of have to force myself to think better thoughts, but you know what? It ends up changing my mindset after a while and relieves so much unneeded stress. Sulking and bitching won’t give me Tyler back. In fact, it would probably damage our relationship to an extent. I have to be strong for myself and him…but I promise you I have my moments (some last longer than others), yet their in the privacy of my home. I’ll write more about this as we get further into the deployment.

Anyways, I stupidly downloaded a countdown app last week and punched in the rough estimate of when he will returning home next week. I seriously about shat my pants when I saw the number that pop up and immediately said eff this. I have no clue why I even did that. Some women may find a countdown to be comforting, but mama just can’t handle seeing numbers in the high 200’s. So, instead of counting numbers, I’m going to count our successes.

The successes don’t really have to be things I achieved. They’ll merely be things that make me happy, get me through the day or week, or that I look forward to. It could be something as simple as relaxing and enjoying a book or trying something new. I plan on creating a “Deployment Bucket List” for things I’m going to do to help me not freak the fuck out stay strong for the both of us. I’ll share this with you all within a few weeks! Hopefully, this will help others gain more light towards deployments instead of focusing on the constant worry and other negative feelings that it causes.

Thought this was funny…

What do you think about counting successes instead of days during a deployment or pro-longed times away from your spouse?

Any suggestions of things to put on my bucket list??!!

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10 thoughts on “Counting Successes Rather Than Days During a Deployment

  1. First, thanks so much for the shoutout, Kim! And second, I’ve definitely felt that having a husband deployed is seen as a status symbol for a lot of milso’s (which to me doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but hey). I love the idea of counting success instead of days till he’s home!

    • No problem- I can’t thank YOU enough! Although it’s a shame and doesn’t make much sense as you said, I’m glad you’ve noticed that some people think deployments are a status thing. I can possibly see from the soldier’s side, but not on the spouses end!

  2. Oh Kim, I hope this time passes quickly.. it must be so hard to stay away for that long, but like Tyler said, it will make your ties stronger!! xoxoxo Take a vacation! Hawaii? LOL

  3. It really is amazing how much a deployment can put things into perspective. I never did a countdown when Kyle was deployed, I couldn’t focus on how long it would take for him to come home. It would have driven me crazy haha.

  4. I love the idea of focusing on the successes, and making a bucket list! I couldn’t handle counting down days either, but towards the end of my husband’s deployment I counted down weekends. That was a little more manageable!

  5. I LOVE the idea of counting successes. I find myself doing that every day. Some days they are really, really small things, but I still count them!!!!

    Rooting for you!

  6. I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog! I love that this post especially is so uplifting. My husband hasn’t deployed yet (although we did do four years long distance) but I imagine it’s so hard to stay positive. Thank you for the advice!

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