Trying to Conceive in the Military Community

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about fertility as my husband is in the midst of a nine month deployment and trying to conceive is obviously on hiatus. However, TTC and being a part of the military community is something that I struggle with. This issue may come off as if I’m complaining (which I kind of am!) or ungrateful (I’m totally NOT!)…take it as you please- this post is more for me getting it off my chest and venting 🙂

FYI- my last cycle started on November 8…it’s been a rough couple of months. My progesterone levels were lower than 1, and this past cycle obviously abnormally long (started my current one on December 26th. I swear the only thing I wished for for Christmas was Tyler staying safe and getting a god damn period, haha). I’ve done everything within my control to gain normal cycles-…I honestly don’t think the wine and cocktails I consumed affected my reproductive system THAT much… There seems to be a connection with my abnormally long cycles and extremely low progesterone levels…. Anyways, we shall see how the next few months ago. I have an appointment with my OBGYN later this month.

When Tyler and I started dating, there was absolutely no mention of him going back in the army as an officer. He was in his last year of undergrad (after serving 6 years in the military, going through two 12 month tours in Iraq, and getting out as a Staff Sergeant at the age of 24- pretty badass)… and had mentioned going to grad school. However, there was an obvious change of plans seeing that he is now a 1st Lieutenant, haha. We got married when I was 26 and he was 29…in a couple of weeks I turn 29 and he will be 32 in March.

537516_10102000924662868_1322752639_n

Point blank- we are old for not having any children in the military community. TJ has always had the mentality of not comparing himself to anyone else as he seriously doesn’t give a shit, but it’s something that is sometimes difficult for me.

SO many enlisted soldiers marry early and they conceive (thank God TJ and his ex wife didn’t)… and continue doing so. The wives often times blame the military on not being able to get a job or further their education which is ridiculous (MYCAA- will help you get at least an associates degree if you meet the requirements).

After our miscarriage in September of 2013, I became so much more aware of pregnancy things. Not just more knowledgeable about the topics of miscarriage and fertility, but more emotionally aware.

A week after my D&C, I went to a Hail and Farewell (basically a gathering at a location or restaurant to honor those who are leaving the unit and welcoming those coming in) with Tyler. I didn’t want to go, but I did… and it was hard. I found out that a fellow army wife was expecting… and her and another wife (who was due a week before I was due… and kept rubbing her freaking belly) spent pretty much the whole evening talking about pregnancy issues. I remained on the opposite end of the table, holding my husband’s hand, and sipping on a beer.

These are normal things to talk about, but seeing as they knew we had just endured a loss 1/3 of the way through a pregnancy, it made me give them the side-eye. Bottom line- it hurt my fucking feelings, and I cried the whole way home. And, I avoided most army-related events from there on out which may be immature or weak on my end as I truly want to be there for my husband, but it was something I felt like I had to do to continue moving forward.

Going to the doctor is a whole other issue. Here, at Fort Bliss, if you’re under Tricare Prime, you can either go to the hospital, William Beaumont, or be seen at the clinic (it’s a new, nice facility) on East Bliss. Tyler works on East Bliss and it’s closer to our house, so that’s where I’m typically seen (however, my new obgyn is at the hospital). Some days are better than others when I go for lab work or appointments, but sometimes it completely sucks donkey seeing young ass girls with children. Usually it’s a baby with a toddler that they can’t control and they seem to be like 22.

My doctors have even made comments about young girls complaining that they haven’t gotten pregnant within the first few months of trying… I’ll never forget the tone my old OBGYN had when I initially went in for infertility (and happened to be pregnant at the time!)…she thought I was much younger than I was, then changed her demeanor when she saw my birth date, haha 🙂

Military families are supposed to come together. Tyler deployed outside of his unit; therefore, I have had absolutely no support from a FRG. I don’t know if it is normal or not, but it has put a bad taste in my mouth about the “support group” we are supposed to have. I know a handful of spouses who have experienced a deployment since moving here, and they have posted a shit ton of get togethers, events, etc. with their FRG…and have seemed to have made lifelong friends. If I ever become in charge of the FRG at TJ’s future units, I’ll ensure that everyone is included… and checked in on 😉 But this is beside the point.

I feel as if I should create a club for army wives to come together with spouses that are deployed (there is one for spouses TTC, but not for deployed spouses).

WP_20140725_017

I think many people don’t know how to talk to those that are having trouble. I understand- before our situation, I would have no idea what to do or say! From what I have gathered through blogging and being open about our situation with family and friends- saying nothing implies that it’s not a big deal or that you don’t care. But it IS a big deal.

Also, don’t be afraid to talk about your pregnancy/baby. If you push me under the rug about a pregnancy….I’m sorry, but I’ll push you under the rug about the birth. Don’t hide news about a pregnancy! It may tug at my heart a bit and I will probably be slightly jealous, but I’m truly happy for you- and I’ll want to know details and hold the babes once it makes an appearance 🙂

I was not the “best of friends” with some people in my earlier years, but I have discussed infertility issues with them for the past couple of years and have watched them birth amazing babies… It really opens your eyes as to who your true friends are… but I’ll get to that in another post.

Not only have these few women brought new light into my world, they taught me to be my own advocate. I don’t think I’m getting the best healthcare right now….my husband may oppose this notion because “it’s free”. I understand that throwing women on Clomid may work for many, but it’s also dangerous as it can cause ovarian cysts, thinning of the uterine lining, and ovarian cancer.  My mom was on Clomid as her and my dad experienced secondary infertility after I was born (my brother and I are 5 years apart)… and she was even monitored back then! That’s why I get upset about our healthcare… but we’ll deal with it until we conceive or have to move onto Plan B.

To wrap things up, it will be interesting to see what happens. The thing I’m looking forward to the most this year is being reunited with my husband…my world will not be okay until I come face to face again and feel him in my arms… 🙂

Cheers to 2015!

* If you’re a part of a military community, have you ever experienced any sort of issues?

*What are you looking forward to the most this year?

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Trying to Conceive in the Military Community

  1. Wishing you lots of luck on this journey! As a former FRG leader (two times) I completely agree about everyone being included! It’s so important to support one another …. granted being an FRG leader comes with a LOT of headaches too haha.

  2. It can be isolating to be surrounded by people with babies. I feel that way sometimes, and I’m not even trying to conceive! I think it helps to find other kid-free people. My two best girl friends here are both career-driven, smart, funny, baby-free ladies with similar interests. FRG meetings and other unit events tend to be a baby fest, but if you’re out and about doing the stuff you enjoy (for me that was joining a running group and going to yoga, but there is also a craft group, and library book clubs and all kinds of stuff) you will find your people. That makes a big difference.

    Best wishes to you and your husband as he wraps up this deployment and y’all get back to baby making!

  3. Thank you for your input, Amy! After I get back into the groove of running (I stopped to see if it influenced my cycles at all ), I’d definitely love to join the running group! I didn’t know there were such thing as craft groups- how do I find out about this stuff?! I’ve read through your experience with your husband’s deployments, and that has helped a lot!

    • You should definitely join us at Wear Blue! It’s so much fun and everyone is really nice. Or if you ever want, we can meet up at Starbucks some time and just chit-chat! I’m always looking for an excuse to go to Starbucks. 🙂

  4. The FRG is a challenging group! 3 or 4 ladies in our FRG had babies in the last 6 months. It was all anyone could talk about! I don’t have kids, so it was definitely alienating. I can only imagine how much harder that is for someone who is trying to conceive. Best of luck when your husband comes home! I hope to see you at a Wear Blue meet up!

      • I completely under the need to disconnect from the Internet! It looked cold from your instagram though! We have several different groups of runners. Usually a group does 2-4 and a group goes longer (distance varies by training plans). Amy and I usually run slow at at 10:30ish pace, but there are a couple girls who are a lot faster.

      • Wow that’s incredible I would think that each hospital would be the same. Sweetie I wish you the best of luck. I know God has something amazing for us. Never lose faith. Praying for you.

  5. I just found your blog and I wanted to let you know that I’ve totally related to it. Being an Air Force wife was very very hard when we were struggling for so long to get pregnant. I’m fortunate in that my husband did two deployments before we got married and they haven’t asked for another one from him in our three years together so I haven’t yet had to face that hurdle, but going to the commissary or the BX or the fitness center and seeing young mother after young mother with MULTIPLE children? That was hard. Not to mention that some of my AF wife friends would get pregnant while I was trying and then join the military mommy support groups. I didn’t blame them by any means, but it was hard to feel left on the outside of this community that I was supposed to be a part of.

    • I’m SO sorry for the late response. I flew home for a few days and disconnected from social media for the most part. Did you guys eventually get pregnant? Where are you stationed now? Thanks for stopping by!

  6. ALSO we should chat sometime about the transition from enlisted to officer thing. My husband is supposed to make master soon (we’ll see, you know how those things can go) but he’s also going to graduate college in a year and half, so there is some debate about whether he wants to do OCS. He comes from a military family and he would be the first officer, but he’s also 32 and really getting high up in the enlisted ranks and has his doubts about starting over as an officer. Anyway, I’d just be interested in hearing your thoughts 🙂

    • Email me or send me a Facebook message anytime! I’d love to discuss this with you 🙂 My husband was enlisted for 6 years…got out and got his Bachelor’s degree…then went back in. Please reach out to me about this!

  7. I just found your blog. I as well am a military wife. Maybe it depends on the state. I am in Fort Bragg, NC and they treated me with injections and I got 2 IUI’s. Unfortunately they did not work and now we are pcsing so lets see how it goes in hubs new duty station. Wishing you the best of luck.

    • Thank you for commenting! How long did you go until they treated you with injections? I know that we will have to go outside if we need injections…but it seems that’s what’s necessary given that everything is fine at the beginning of my cycle (FSH, LH, and estrogen all came back normal), but I can’t seem to ovulate very well or at all. Where are you guys PCSing to?

      • From January to August 2014. Injections were covered and done on post and then the IUI was $200.00. I went directly with injections cause I gave evidence that I was treated with Clomid before moving to Ft. Bragg. Now I’m on Metformin until we move so that they can start with Clomid again. We are moving to Italy and they don’t treat infertility on base it would have to be directly with Italy good thing is that IVF is $3,000. I don’t ovulate either; they diagnosed me with PCOS that’s why they started me on Metformin.

      • That’s awesome you’re moving to Italy! My husband was stationed there before. That’s fortunate that injections were covered. We are looking a 1,000 dollars for each IUI here at Fort Bliss 😦

  8. I’m a bit late to the game on this post (and everything else!), but just found your blog and appreciate the candor.. I’m older than you and still just dating my Sailor but we are hoping to start a family once he’s back from deployment and then I’ll have to see if we can conceive.. Agggh…! Good luck! Will be following your journey 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s