TTC and Religion…????

Trying to conceive and religion. Yes, this is a touchy and taboo subject, but I’m going there. More specifically, gearing more towards miscarriages and infertility and trying to conceive. This post is coming from my heart- what’s been on my mind lately.

I  very recently came across a blog post with a pregnancy announcement which is awesome news. I want to make it clear that although these announcements tug at my heart and sometimes make me shed a tear or two, I’m genuinely happy for the couple. However, this announcement made me slightly cringe for the following reasons. She was bitching about not conceiving although only trying for a mere 4-5 months. Yes, weeks and months drag when you’re TTC, but come on now. I know blogs are a place for people to express their thoughts and opinions…but some people  may give the side eye when hearing others complain about bringing a second/third child into the world is taking too long on their specific timeline.

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What irked me the most was the comment “God is Good!!!!” and “Everything happens in God’s time!” when conveying the announcement. Alright lady. So God is good to you…but what about me? Or the thousands of other women who have experienced a loss or infertility or just simply trying to drop a damn egg and ovulate on their own?

Is it because God doesn’t feel like the time is right? Or because he doesn’t think they’d be good parents? Or because they aren’t suited for each other?

I’m sorry, but I think it’s downright rude. Would God like you to be rude and condescending? I don’t think so.

It’s simply a matter of freaking science, although many may disagree. If it weren’t, I wouldn’t be spending so much time with doctor’s appointments and monitoring my hormone levels while my husband is thousands of miles away (in a warzone), so we can approach things the best way possible when he gets home as I’ll be hitting nearly 30.

I didn’t grow up extremely religious. I’m Catholic. I went to CCD every Wednesday; was baptized,  made my communion, and confirmation. However, we typically only went to Church a few Sundays out of the year and on holidays (occasionally). After my parent’s divorced when I was 12, I went to church with my best friend when I’d spend the night with her on Saturday evenings or Sunday mornings.

I’m by no means discounting religion. I’d like to believe in a higher power, but that’s it. God didn’t make me meet my husband- I was simply at the right place at the right time. God didn’t pull my head out of my ass and help me graduate college- I did. I simply feel that it’s not fair to solely base God’s timing on conception. Yes, I believe things (sometimes) happen for a reason. What about those who simply cannot conceive on their own? That either need scientific intervention or resort to adoption? Both of these circumstances can result in absolutely beautiful outcomes…

This is a short post, but it’s something I had to express. I don’t like clinging onto bad moods and sometimes writing about it makes me feel better…

Do you think it’s all in God’s hands whether or not someone will conceive or not?

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on “TTC and Religion…????

  1. I’m on the opposite fence. I don’t believe in a higher power. As far as I’m concerned, no God would allow drug addicts and child abusers to have children and yet perfectly good future parents suffer with infertility.
    Comments like that piss me off too.

  2. I’ve been thinking about this lately as well. I tend to shy away from the God’s plan/everything happens for a reason mentality for one reason… it makes me feel like shit. Just as you expressed, that way of thinking feels like those who are infertile or have experienced a loss are being “punished” for something.
    I prefer to look at it like this: I’ve been dealt a shitty hand and some people have all the luck. I just have to make my own… which sucks, but it is what it is. It’s not because of timing it’s because, to borrow a phrase, “shit happens”.
    It is hard to know what to believe when trekking through the horrible wasteland of infertility and loss. Like you, I believe in a higher power but I cannot believe that things for me are not happening simply because it is not His will. This one is a matter of science and that’s the only way I can see it, at least for the time being. Maybe this line of thinking is just self preservation, but right now, it’s the best line of defense I have.
    Great question!

    • Thanks for your insight! I agree that some people simply have better luck than others. When we were TTC (9 months into it after the miscarriage) and we got news that my husband would be deploying for 9 months, getting dealt a shitty hand brought a new meaning 🙂

  3. I am kind of up in the air on this. I do believe at times everything happens for a reason. If it weren’t for my 3 loses doctors never would have discovered the septum that prevented me from getting pregnant, which never would have been removed, which never would have (eventually) led to my pregnancy. On the other hand though I cannot understand why God would allow me so much pain and suffering. I can say that even now the comments “in gods time,” “it’s gods will,” “everything happens for a reason,” “maybe you weren’t meant to be a parent,” and the like make me want to do some pretty physical things to people. I mean really? You think that God took my child from me because I’m unfit?

    I really think that life is easier on some than others and the outcome of a shitty situation is what you make of it.

    • I’m up in the air about things happening for a reason to. Like you, I like to believe it…to an extent. You’re heartbreak ultimately led you to hope…and pregnancy! But everything in between makes one wonder. You’re stronger than many- believe me!!

  4. I struggle with this concept so much. I don’t know what I believe yet, this has always been a struggle.

    But I wonder, how could it be in a high powers hands when drug addicts, rapists, murderers, child abusers and more are able to conceive like it’s their job.

    And a couple like my husband and I who are solid people, with an steady job, income, supportive family around and very real desire to start a family, can’t?

    I asked those same questions as you when I would see announcements like that.

    Especially when we had our miscarriage. I was angry. And wondered how an entity that I really grappled with believing in, could possibly take my child from me after years of trying. It was definitely a lot of emotions and feelings to try and sort out.

    Thanks for posting this, I think it speaks to a lot of people!

    -Kayla from theknnlife.com

    • I agree with your thoughts completely. My husband was even married for 4 years before and waited (though they were very young)! I think with my openness with the blog, people will stop telling everything I don’t want to hear after TJ gets home and we start trying again, haha. If you ever want to talk, email me or send me a message on Facebook!

      • Everyone has their opinions and sadly seems to think they know best and they know whats what and that “it just happens” or “just relax.” No that is not how it happens for many people now.

        No filters.

        Same to you, if you ever want to talk, let me know! 🙂

  5. I do believe it’s all in God’s timing and God’s plan. I believe that he may have something better for us than we can ever imagine and that may be creating our families through means other than biologically. At some points, infertility has made my faith waiver. I’ve definitely had moments and periods of time where I’ve been extremely angry at God. For the last year or so…J and I’s faith has just grown stronger. He has placed people in our lives that have really supported us and encouraged us during this extremely difficult time. That’s just how I feel though. I don’t know how I would get through all this if I didn’t believe in God.

    • Thank you for your comment! I think it’s great when people have such amazing faith, and your positivity truly transpires in your blog. Religion is something I question and am very intrigued by (I took a class in college and it opened my eyes SO much!).

  6. P.S. I should add that just because I believe in God and his timing and plans, doesn’t mean I don’t get angry/hurt when people that don’t deserve children have them so easily. I question it too and I hope someday, I will know for sure why this was our journey. At this time, we believe it’s because He is calling us to adopt.

    • This follow up response actually makes me feel better knowing that you question certain circumstances as well. I wish you guys the best of luck and a looking forward to reading about your journey through adoption 🙂

  7. I’m glad you posted this! I have felt this way as well! Recently one of my sisters told me that” it will happen when it’s the right time” and that she has been through hell with conceiving her middle child so many things pissed me off about this 1st. I was the one who supported with her the whole time she was “infertile” She had just had her 1st child and it had been 6 months without having a single period or spotting her dr. put her on clomid so that she would start ovulating and having a cycle each month she wasn’t even on it a full cycle before she was pregnant… so her 1st born was 9 months old when she got pregnant and she wants to relate to my infertility… We have been infertile for 5 years no amount of clomid will get me pregnant naturally if my husbands sperm cant find a way out so hmmm 5 yrs to 3 months she has no idea what being infertile is really like… I love when the “fertiles” try to comfort us with oh it took them months to conceive so they know what it’s like or it’s in gods hands that frustrates me! I just let it go when people make these comments and then go on to my blog and vent lol…. Wish i had advice on the IUI’s but I’m skipping straight to IVF best of luck for you! Nice to meet you btw 🙂 I’m Callie

    • Nice to meet you, Callie! I know it’s frustrating. Sometimes I question myself writing these posts as we haven’t been TTC since July…but then I say eff that. We went through a miscarriage at 14 weeks and spent nearly 9 months after that TTC again! And my cycles/hormone levels are erratic (which have been monitored every month), so we know we will need medicated help. That’s a difficult situation seeing that it’s one of your sisters. Honestly, the only advice I can give is to keep on keeping on and completely disregard what people say. I’m trying to live by that motto, haha.

      • This is a place for you to get it all out ! Never worry about writing it facing any type of issues is difficult no matter what stage you are at I sincerely hope you are not on this road for as long as we have been! Hopefully they can help figure out the hormone levels and things will balance out more to get you your little one 🙂 I love the motto, I’m pretty good at ignoring most comments my family makes their supportive just insensitive…

  8. Stuff like this annoys me, I do not believe that God has anything to do with it. I get tired of the statement “everything happens for a reason” or “it will happen when God wants it to”. I honestly want to slap people that say that.

  9. Pingback: Everybody Hurts….Sometimes | Living in Bliss

  10. Pingback: You Don’t Need to be Religious to Have Faith…Or Do You? | Living in Bliss

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