Focusing on What I Have, Rather Than What I’m Without.

So we are in the last stretch of this deployment…Things have slowed down a little bit at work, I made my last quick trip back home to Indiana in January, and now things are just kinda whatever.

Throughout the past week or so, I’ve seen three Facebook pregnancy announcements. Before I go any further, I want it to be known that I’m truly happy – for real. But part of me still gets emotional. I get pissed that we are losing out on 9 months of our lives not only trying to make a baby, but making memories together in the meantime. Then I get ashamed that I’m mad because I’m scared and worried for my husband and his safety.

I cannot control any of this. I CAN control what is in my life now, and I want to write about what I’m grateful for in the present moment.

•  Family- Tyler and I both have awesome families. My familial situation transpired into a much happier place, and I honestly couldn’t have married into a better family. My brother and sister are my best friends (as is Megan P), and while I don’t talk to my parents all the time, our relationships are better than ever.

Bad photo, but all of us kids with our parents together…and TJ 😉

Me with Tyler’s parent’s, nieces, and grandma…and their dogs, Molly and Mike! My sister and brother-in-law were out of town that weekend I flew home 😦

Old picture, but one of my favorites. My MIL with my SIL, BIL, and their two girls!

My uncle and aunt. I can’t talk about them without tearing up…they gave me a true home, support, and unconditional love. I was ashamed and bitter about my immediate family situation for a long time, but I realized had that not occurred, I may not have been blessed with getting to know these two amazing people as I did.

•  My Best Friend- I don’t talk about my social life on my blog much…but I want it to be known today how absolutely thankful I am for her friendship. I met Megan in 6th grade, and while we’ve had our fair share of turbulence, she is the one thing that has remained constant in my life over the 18 years. Together we’ve endured obnoxious arguments, fun vacations, personal challenges, life lessons, and just everyday bullshit. Megan…I’ve told you before, but you’ve picked me up when I’ve been down, and never judged me. We may have sucked at being roommates, but our friendship is one thing that I have never doubted. You’ve been there for me during my darkest hours and brightest days. I hope that I have reciprocated this friendship. I love you and your family…and thank you for being a part of my life.

7th grade!

My best girl a few days before we moved to Texas. June 2012.

On a different note, I’ve also had to end ties with a friendship or two. Relationships are a two-way street, and if efforts are reciprocated, then really…what’s the point? In addition, people simply grow apart. Instead of dwelling on on the relationship, it’s sometimes better just to face reality and accept that things have changed. And that’s okay 🙂

• Our Dogs- Stiffler has been Tyler’s light and joy since the day he got him (before my time). He’s gone through a handful of mommy’s, but it makes me feel good knowing that he will finally come to me when we are out at the dog park. A few years ago, he basically would look at me say say “F you” and run away 😦 As far as Wrigley goes… Tyler asked me what kind of dog I wanted a few years ago. I know we could’ve gone to the pound, but we didn’t. I knew what I wanted. Long story short:

My mom and her ex would go through wild breakups, and in the midst of one, she said we could finally have a dog. I liked my ex’s dogs, which were Weimaraner’s, but wanted something smaller. It was between a vizsla or a German short-haired pointer. We found a breeder in Michigan that had vizsla’s up for adoption, so that’s what we went with. We all drove 4 hours to pick out/up our pup…Chris and Kath were playing with the puppies, and while I stood in a corner and one little guy ran up to me and just sat there, starring at me. I scooped him up and he was the cutest, most loving, and calm puppy ever. I promptly went over to the kids and my mom and said he was the one. And his name was Charlie.

I can’t go through old photos, so here is one I found on Facebook of CharChar.

Much more goes into this, but I couldn’t have Charlie, so my ex took care of him after we broke up. I’d still go to see him from time to time or we would meet at the dog park, but it wasn’t the same- and it broke my heart. I was working and going to school, trying to get my life on track. I vowed NEVER to get a pet again until I was financially secure. Then enters Tyler. It may sound effed up, but I wanted another vizsla. I loved Charlie (he was unfortunately aggressive towards some women and children, but NEVER towards me), and TJ and I even tried to figure out how we could go get him (unfortunately, wasn’t possible). I found a breeder outside of San Antonio, and TJ didn’t hesitate. We drove there and back to verify and pick out our pup, then there and back again after he was ready to come home. Although we knew we wanted a male, I couldn’t decide which puppy, so I made Tyler. And he chose the fattest….Wrigley was seriously pawing and making noises at his brothers and sisters in the fenced in area, haha.

Cutest little disaster ever!

This little guy is the light of my life. He follows me everywhere- even into the bathroom. I’ve taught him to sit, lay, and shake….woo! He sleeps with me at night- HAS to be laying on me somehow- his head, legs..anything! On a side note, I truly do love Stiffler, and I’m happy that Wrigley can help keep him young. Stiff is well-mannered, isn’t a lunatic, and comes when I call him. We’ve come a long way 😉

A few weeks after we brought Wrigley home. One of my favorite photos.

•  My Job- Keeps my busy and I work with some awesome people. I’m not a field I’m educated in (in certain aspects), so it can be challenging, but I’ve learned a lot thus far. I’ve also made peace with not beating myself up over where I’m at in my life career-wise. But you know what? I have an amazing husband of over two and a half years who would do just about anything for me and supports me. We have some future endeavors in mind that I’m excited about, so I know this chapter in my life isn’t forever. It’s merely just a stepping stone 😉

I can’t freaking wait until Tyler comes home. I’m excited and scared and nervous all at the same time…Until then, I’m going to get our house in order. I’ve already filled two huge garbage bags of stuff we don’t need/want anymore (we meaning I, haha), and started deep cleaning. Cleaning blinds is a bitch BTW.

* What are you thankful for?

* Have you ever had to pull the plug on long-time friendships?