Why I can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

Throughout the past two years, I’ve been asked a couple of times (honestly I think it’s like twice, haha) why I blog which was mostly pertaining to infertility stuff. As I mentioned before, I didn’t really know what the heck I was doing when I started blogging, and honestly, I still absolutely suck at the technical side of it all (if anyone wants to help, PLEASE  let me know. I don’t know how to change anything! We’ll be best friends 😉 jk). When I got pregnant, I thought, “Alright, cool. I’m going to document this so family and friends across the country and world can kind of watch it all”. When things didn’t go as planned, I didn’t know what to do with myself, the blog- pretty much anything. I was at a standstill, and quite frankly, I was embarrassed and ashamed that we had announced our pregnancy when we did at 10 weeks (four weeks later we found out we lost the baby at a routine ultrasound).

Since our Facebook friends and family knew about us expecting, I was afraid that we’d be asked how I/the baby was doing and I knew it would be weird to some as to why I hadn’t given any updates or posted any photos (I’m sure I have a lot of creepers, haha). I mean, people would probably eventually realize why, but I’ve learned that there are a lot of dumb asses in the world so you never know 😉 We decided that I’d write a Facebook status just giving a general idea of our loss. And you know what? The out pour of support I got was amazing. Instead of crying tears of sorrow, I cried because I felt less alone and cared for, by many of whom weren’t even “friends” or family!

Those texts, phone calls, and messages were huge contributors as to why I didn’t do a complete nose dive. People (even a few guys!) that I hadn’t talked to in years sent well wishes, and many shared their stories about their personal losses as well. They made me realize just how many of us suffer from miscarriages or infertility but keep it to themselves. That is totally okay, but I’d go freaking crazy. Perhaps part of the reason why is because we’re here in Texas and I’m nowhere near my close family and friends, so besides Tyler and our dogs, I don’t have anyone. But there’s another explanation….

I kept a diary in elementary school. It went a little like this:

“Dear Diary,

Today I wore bright purple shorts, and white shirt, and a flowered vest. I slicked my hair back (a girl asked me one time if I used cement to push it back, but nope, it was just a shit ton of hair spray) and wore white shoes. I got my braces tightened yesterday and my teeth really hurt. My friends and I didn’t fight today, and [insert the boy I liked that week here] didn’t talk to me AT ALL. BOO 😦 Maybe tomorrow will be my lucky day! After school I did my homework, played outside, ate spaghetti, and watched Mrs. Doubtfire with my brother tonight.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Love, Kim”

I actually have them all and they’re hilarious to read. Then, In 7th/8th grade, I started to keep a journal. It was pretty much a diary with poems scattered throughout. I was pretty effing deep as a 13 year old 😉 This continued on until the middle/end of my junior year when I stopped completely, but resumed after I graduated high school (my lost or floundering years, haha).

You see, I’ve always loved to write as I like to express my feelings and my truths. Blogging became an outlet to do so. I must mention, I tried keeping another handwritten journal about a year ago which lasted a whole two days as typing is a billion times faster and my hand got super tired 😦

So this is my objective throughout our journey- I hope to become more actively involved in the infertility community. I hope my posts reach those that are struggling, have experienced a loss, or that know someone who is. I’m sure that it has to be difficult and awkward to watch your daughter, sister, friend- whatever- be on a roller coaster of emotions. I want to go beyond the blog, whether it’s in other virtual communities or in my own here in Texas. Infertility and loss is hard enough in itself, but being a military spouse can sometimes add a few more obstacles to it (I’ll be writing more about this soon). My intentions of blogging may be selfish as I want to express my feelings while taking note of what’s up throughout our journey, but I also truly want to give back. There are people out there that knows what it feels like- you are not alone.

So peeps, THAT is why I can’t keep my mouth shut 🙂

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That’s what we got to say about that 😉

 

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8 thoughts on “Why I can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

  1. Good for you for not keeping your mouth shut! Infertility can be such a taboo thing to discuss, and you never know what other people’s reactions will be. It’s so nice to know that there are others struggling on the same journey. While you never wish this on anyone, there’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone! Keep writing, Kim!

    ~Kristy

  2. I totally “get” it! I have 2 blogs and still write in journals. Your post made me want to dig out some of my old diaries. This could be a fun post to get others to take part in. I enjoy reading your blog here – So please don’t keep your mouth shut.

    • Haha, old diaries are awesome to read every now and then. It would definitely be fun to put something together! Let me know if you have something specific and mind and we can try to figure it out 🙂 And thank you, Dawn! 🙂

  3. Kim,
    I have always wanted to start a blog (didn’t think I had the time, nor do I know where to begin with one). However, it’s nice to read about someone’s honest truth about their feelings and their experiences. It keep me grounded, because reading about someone’s struggles is a movement for me and a reach out. You’ve told me several times about your blog and I finally came across this one in my news feed on Facebook I’m glad I had the opportunity to read it.
    With love,
    Terry

    • Terry,
      I could definitely see you having a blog- you’re a great writer! I think you’d have a lot to see and that many people would enjoy hearing your perspective on life and such. I appreciate your kind comment- it definitely made my night 🙂

  4. I just found your blog, and have really enjoyed reading your honest posts! You are so strong, and I have faith that everything will work out 🙂 Good for you for speaking up, and choosing to get involved! Looking forward to following along more!

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