You Don’t Need to be Religious to Have Faith…Or Do You?

Back in February, I wrote about post about trying to conceive and religion which you can read about HERE. I was honest and sincere with my thoughts about the subject matter, and after reading it over again, I still hold the same opinion. However, I recently opened up about battling anxiety and depression, especially within the past two years. Though anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications and therapy can definitely help, I needed something to help take away my bitterness and help me be at peace (or at least try to be) with our situation. Before I start, and as I mentioned in my previous post about this, I’ve always believed in a higher power. I’m NOT anti-religion, anti-God, nor have I ever been- I just simply have a hard time believing certain things and thinking that everything that happens in our life stems from an almighty plan.

Infertility and miscarriages are often times correlated with God’s will and timing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard these types of lines throughout the past two years, and while they might often times be used as a comforting technique, the phrases ultimately started falling upon deaf ears. If there is something medically prohibiting a couple from conceiving, you need to freaking fix it, not sit there praying for a miracle. You pray throughout and after the testing and procedures. Yes, sometimes infertility and recurrent miscarriages are unexplained. Yet other times it could be something a simple medication can fix and other times more invasive procedures, such as IUI, or IVF, are very much needed and not guaranteed.

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A week before we got married. Little did we know of the wild ride we’d have for years ahead.

I started wondering shortly before Tyler came home if perhaps we were, in fact, being punished for not actively practicing religion, being devoted members of a church, reading the bible- whatever. I went back and forth about this, and finally came to a conclusion.

I can have faith, but not be “religious”. What I mean by religious is what I just mentioned directly above. I know that not everyone feels the same way I do and that’s fine, but think there are certain degrees of being religious, if that makes sense. To be honest, the last time I attended mass was at a wedding more than three years ago (I’m Catholic by the way). However, when and if we have a baby, we will have he/she baptized in the Catholic church (luckily, Tyler was converted to Catholicism prior to his first marriage so he’s good). I guess I believe that I can have faith- be spiritual and believe in a higher power without being completed devoted. There are SO many people that are church-goers only on major holidays, and that’s acceptable, right? 😉

I can believe that there is a plan for my husband and I, far greater than I could ever imagine. Yes, sometimes this notion is difficult to grasp and you just want to yell a big ol’ “F-YOU” to the stars above, but truly believing in this truly is comforting during dark moments.

I can hope and pray that parenthood is in our future, but we cannot manipulate our way there. A good friend of mine has gone through heartbreaking struggles of her own- recurrent miscarriages. After our loss, she reached out to me and has been an amazing support system ever since. Among the many things she taught me, one of them was that you HAVE to be your advocate. Get second opinions, ask for more tests, research the shit out of everything, and don’t simply just believe that everything your doc advises you is right because they’re a doctor. Many medical professionals have different protocols and are just flat-out better with assisting patients in certain areas of their practice than others.

But, after you do absolutely everything in your power to help further you in your journey, you have have to accept that whatever the outcome meant to be, WILL BE.

Now don’t think I came to this revelation completely on my own. I talked to my best friend about this and eventually found myself looking up books on Amazon that might offer some guidance. I knew I had to be picky about what I chose as I didn’t want something super heavy with biblical verses that I didn’t understand, and I needed something that dealt with both loss, infertility, and the emotions that surface under both of these circumstances. I finally stumbled across a book called Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake. This book deals with everything I mentioned and adoption loss which I thought was neat as it’s a topic that isn’t addressed as much as it should be.

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I still have a couple of chapters to go with the it and then I want to go back and highlight the segments that I found relatable and encouraging. I plan on doing another post about the book itself once I work my way through that 🙂 While Hannah’s Hope has been an amazing resource, I must mention that I don’t agree with everything the author says (allowing your husband to take the complete leadership role and be submissive to him- yeah, that ain’t EVER happening. And then the whole masturbating thing being frowned upon and thought of as being a sin….Ummm, yeah right. Then you end up having Josh Duggar as your husband). Anyways, I’ll touch more on the pro’s and con’s of the book in a couple of weeks as I’m enjoying taking my time reading it.

So that’s what has been on my mind and what I wanted to share today. Religion is a touchy subject and I know society gets their panties in a wad about it, but I really don’t think this is what makes one person better than the other. Just be the best you can be, have respect and integrity, and believe in something that gives you hope, strength, and peace to get you through difficult times. Easier said than done 😉

What are your thoughts on religion? Having faith? Being spiritual?

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “You Don’t Need to be Religious to Have Faith…Or Do You?

  1. This is such a great post! I myself don’t go to church, I wasn’t babtized, I don’t plan to have our child babtized. I agree with you can’t always pray for something to change that can only be medically fixed, for example: our struggle with infertility is because my husband is missing his vas tube (there is no way for his sperm to get out), I could’ve prayed the rest of my life and it wouldn’t have changed a thing. Therefor like you said, ask questions, fix things that can be fixed, keep moving forward, and pray for the rest! I pray every night but I don’t go to church and since we started ivf I’ve tried reading the bible which is really hard to read surprisingly, so I got a children’s bible which is a little better but I ended up getting this book called Mary queen of angels, answers to universal questions by Janice t Connell, anyways it has little prayers for things going on in your life, like fear, loss, hope, it’s like messages of prayer an peace but what I like about it is you don’t have to sit down and read it from front to back, you can just go to the page that has something to do with what’s going on in your life at that moment! Sorry this is long lol anyways, totally agree with you! 🙂

  2. I completely agree about reading the bible! Sometimes I’m like what the heck does this even mean when I read verses, haha. That’s a good idea about the children’s bible. The book I’ve been reading explains what it’s talking about which I appreciate. It’s good to hear the same way 🙂

  3. I love your honesty in this post about religion. Some people rely strictly on prayers (nothing wrong with that) BUT sometimes you need more than prayers. In my eyes I pray more for my anxiety and fears of situations rather than pray expecting things to magically happen. I hope hope hope with all that you and your husband have been through that you will get to be parents one day.

  4. I’m not religious in the slightest but sometimes I do feel jealous of people that have faith because it does seem to offer comfort during times of miscarriage and infertility. A belief that there is a higher plan or praying in itself must be a comfort, it’s just not something that is for me which left me no where to go except a cold, hard and pretty lonely reality. If that makes sense? I once had a close friend say to me (who was raised as Catholic) that she doesn’t identify as religious, but spiritual. I really liked that.

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