Focusing on What I Have, Rather Than What I’m Without.

So we are in the last stretch of this deployment…Things have slowed down a little bit at work, I made my last quick trip back home to Indiana in January, and now things are just kinda whatever.

Throughout the past week or so, I’ve seen three Facebook pregnancy announcements. Before I go any further, I want it to be known that I’m truly happy – for real. But part of me still gets emotional. I get pissed that we are losing out on 9 months of our lives not only trying to make a baby, but making memories together in the meantime. Then I get ashamed that I’m mad because I’m scared and worried for my husband and his safety.

I cannot control any of this. I CAN control what is in my life now, and I want to write about what I’m grateful for in the present moment.

  •  Family- Tyler and I both have awesome families. My familial situation transpired into a much happier place, and I honestly couldn’t have married into a better family. My brother and sister are my best friends (as is Megan P), and while I don’t talk to my parents all the time, our relationships are better than ever.
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Bad photo, but all of us kids with our parents together…and TJ 😉

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Me with Tyler’s parent’s, nieces, and grandma…and their dogs, Molly and Mike! My sister and brother-in-law were out of town that weekend I flew home 😦

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Old picture, but one of my favorites. My MIL with my SIL, BIL, and their two girls!

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My uncle and aunt. I can’t talk about them without tearing up…they gave me a true home, support, and unconditional love. I was ashamed and bitter about my immediate family situation for a long time, but I realized had that not occurred, I may not have been blessed with getting to know these two amazing people as I did.

  •  My Best Friend- I don’t talk about my social life on my blog much…but I want it to be known today how absolutely thankful I am for her friendship. I met Megan in 6th grade, and while we’ve had our fair share of turbulence, she is the one thing that has remained constant in my life over the 18 years. Together we’ve endured obnoxious arguments, fun vacations, personal challenges, life lessons, and just everyday bullshit. Megan…I’ve told you before, but you’ve picked me up when I’ve been down, and never judged me. We may have sucked at being roommates, but our friendship is one thing that I have never doubted. You’ve been there for me during my darkest hours and brightest days. I hope that I have reciprocated this friendship. I love you and your family…and thank you for being a part of my life.
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7th grade!

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My best girl a few days before we moved to Texas. June 2012.

On a different note, I’ve also had to end ties with a friendship or two. Relationships are a two-way street, and if efforts are reciprocated, then really…what’s the point? In addition, people simply grow apart. Instead of dwelling on on the relationship, it’s sometimes better just to face reality and accept that things have changed. And that’s okay 🙂

  • Our Dogs- Stiffler has been Tyler’s light and joy since the day he got him (before my time). He’s gone through a handful of mommy’s, but it makes me feel good knowing that he will finally come to me when we are out at the dog park. A few years ago, he basically would look at me say say “F you” and run away 😦 As far as Wrigley goes… Tyler asked me what kind of dog I wanted a few years ago. I know we could’ve gone to the pound, but we didn’t. I knew what I wanted. Long story short:

My mom and her ex would go through wild breakups, and in the midst of one, she said we could finally have a dog. I liked my ex’s dogs, which were Weimaraner’s, but wanted something smaller. It was between a vizsla or a German short-haired pointer. We found a breeder in Michigan that had vizsla’s up for adoption, so that’s what we went with. We all drove 4 hours to pick out/up our pup…Chris and Kath were playing with the puppies, and while I stood in a corner and one little guy ran up to me and just sat there, starring at me. I scooped him up and he was the cutest, most loving, and calm puppy ever. I promptly went over to the kids and my mom and said he was the one. And his name was Charlie.

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I can’t go through old photos, so here is one I found on Facebook of CharChar.

Much more goes into this, but I couldn’t have Charlie, so my ex took care of him after we broke up. I’d still go to see him from time to time or we would meet at the dog park, but it wasn’t the same- and it broke my heart. I was working and going to school, trying to get my life on track. I vowed NEVER to get a pet again until I was financially secure. Then enters Tyler. It may sound effed up, but I wanted another vizsla. I loved Charlie (he was unfortunately aggressive towards some women and children, but NEVER towards me), and TJ and I even tried to figure out how we could go get him (unfortunately, wasn’t possible). I found a breeder outside of San Antonio, and TJ didn’t hesitate. We drove there and back to verify and pick out our pup, then there and back again after he was ready to come home. Although we knew we wanted a male, I couldn’t decide which puppy, so I made Tyler. And he chose the fattest….Wrigley was seriously pawing and making noises at his brothers and sisters in the fenced in area, haha.

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Cutest little disaster ever!

This little guy is the light of my life. He follows me everywhere- even into the bathroom. I’ve taught him to sit, lay, and shake….woo! He sleeps with me at night- HAS to be laying on me somehow- his head, legs..anything! On a side note, I truly do love Stiffler, and I’m happy that Wrigley can help keep him young. Stiff is well-mannered, isn’t a lunatic, and comes when I call him. We’ve come a long way 😉

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A few weeks after we brought Wrigley home. One of my favorite photos.

  •  My Job- Keeps my busy and I work with some awesome people. I’m not a field I’m educated in (in certain aspects), so it can be challenging, but I’ve learned a lot thus far. I’ve also made peace with not beating myself up over where I’m at in my life career-wise. But you know what? I have an amazing husband of over two and a half years who would do just about anything for me and supports me. We have some future endeavors in mind that I’m excited about, so I know this chapter in my life isn’t forever. It’s merely just a stepping stone 😉

I can’t freaking wait until Tyler comes home. I’m excited and scared and nervous all at the same time…Until then, I’m going to get our house in order. I’ve already filled two huge garbage bags of stuff we don’t need/want anymore (we meaning I, haha), and started deep cleaning. Cleaning blinds is a bitch BTW.

* What are you thankful for?

* Have you ever had to pull the plug on long-time friendships?

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A Quick Update- February 2015

While it may be that I write these updates more for myself than anything else, it’s been nice (well, not sure I’d use the word nice…perhaps helpful?….to look back and see what was going on with my cycles, testing, and how I was feeling at the time. I have a few things to share since the last update, so here we go:

  • I had a cycle that lasted from October 9-November 9 which was pretty decent for me (31 days). The next cycle was from November 9- December 26…uhh WTF. I stopped counted after CD 35. My labs showed that I did not ovulate this month, but I could have had a late ovulation since the cycle was so long. I haven’t had a period since December 26…I don’t know what cycle day I’m on, but it doesn’t even matter since it’s been so long. I didn’t have my progesterone checked this cycle because I was out of town and the office was closed on the weekend when I should’ve been tested.
  • I had a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago and we discussed a few things. First, my cycle day 3 labs, where they check the LH, FSH, and estradiol, came back normal! This is good news as my ovaries ARE working, but there is a disconnect between the first phase of my cycle and the last phase. She wanted to do some lab work to double check for PCOS. I didn’t have any symptoms of it besides my long/erratic cycles, but it didn’t hurt to see. She emailed me the other day and told me everything came back normal…no PCOS.
  • We contemplated with the idea of getting a laparoscopy done to see if I have any endometriosis. However, because you’re put under for this and it can be rather uncomfortable, we decided to hold off. The doctor honestly didn’t think this was the case for me. I’d want Tyler to be there with me for this anyways.
  • I’ve gained about 10-12 pounds since July of last year (when TJ left). We thought that this would help regulate my cycle…but so far, it hasn’t. To be honest, this wasn’t always that easy for me. When I’m stressed…I have no appetite. However, incorporating more healthy fats, more carbs (I effing love these asiago cheese bagels by Einsten Bros. from Target, haha), and laying off the cardio is what helped the most. It’s discouraging that this hasn’t helped regulate things so far, but that’s okay. Looking back at some pictures, I did need to gain a few pounds. I started running again, but only a few days a week and it’s more like running/walking intervals while watching House Hunters 😉
  • My current doctor is deploying in April….pretty much around the time Tyler gets home, so I’ll be seen by my old doctor (the one I had some issues with). I don’t want to go through the hassle of finding someone else, and she knows us and our situation.
  • Finally, both docs agreed that our best chances to conceive will be via medicated cycles. We are going to try Clomid first, but ONLY two more rounds of this. If we have no luck with that, then we will be referred out and they suggested medication, the HCG trigger shot, and IUI. You can forgo the IUI and just do a medicated cycle with the trigger shot and timed intercourse, but the success rate is higher when you go the IUI route instead. It’s a few hundred bucks more (a grand total of about $1,000 PER cycle…yikes!), but they said it’s better this way as you get more bang for your buck (swear she said that, haha). We aren’t going to sit and dick around 🙂 However, TJ will be up to be promoted to Captain in November and then it’s on to Fort Huachuca, Arizona. So we shall see how the rest of the year pans out.

Alright, I’m gonna go do some errands on my day off! Super stoked that it’s February, but I hope the next couple of months fly by. I’m SO ready to see my husband again 🙂

 

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Figured I needed a picture in this post 😉

* What are your thoughts on Clomid?

*Have you or anyone you know used the trigger shot with timed intercourse or IUI?

Trying to Conceive in the Military Community

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about fertility as my husband is in the midst of a nine month deployment and trying to conceive is obviously on hiatus. However, TTC and being a part of the military community is something that I struggle with. This issue may come off as if I’m complaining (which I kind of am!) or ungrateful (I’m totally NOT!)…take it as you please- this post is more for me getting it off my chest and venting 🙂

FYI- my last cycle started on November 8…it’s been a rough couple of months. My progesterone levels were lower than 1, and this past cycle obviously abnormally long (started my current one on December 26th. I swear the only thing I wished for for Christmas was Tyler staying safe and getting a god damn period, haha). I’ve done everything within my control to gain normal cycles-…I honestly don’t think the wine and cocktails I consumed affected my reproductive system THAT much… There seems to be a connection with my abnormally long cycles and extremely low progesterone levels…. Anyways, we shall see how the next few months ago. I have an appointment with my OBGYN later this month.

When Tyler and I started dating, there was absolutely no mention of him going back in the army as an officer. He was in his last year of undergrad (after serving 6 years in the military, going through two 12 month tours in Iraq, and getting out as a Staff Sergeant at the age of 24- pretty badass)… and had mentioned going to grad school. However, there was an obvious change of plans seeing that he is now a 1st Lieutenant, haha. We got married when I was 26 and he was 29…in a couple of weeks I turn 29 and he will be 32 in March.

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Point blank- we are old for not having any children in the military community. TJ has always had the mentality of not comparing himself to anyone else as he seriously doesn’t give a shit, but it’s something that is sometimes difficult for me.

SO many enlisted soldiers marry early and they conceive (thank God TJ and his ex wife didn’t)… and continue doing so. The wives often times blame the military on not being able to get a job or further their education which is ridiculous (MYCAA- will help you get at least an associates degree if you meet the requirements).

After our miscarriage in September of 2013, I became so much more aware of pregnancy things. Not just more knowledgeable about the topics of miscarriage and fertility, but more emotionally aware.

A week after my D&C, I went to a Hail and Farewell (basically a gathering at a location or restaurant to honor those who are leaving the unit and welcoming those coming in) with Tyler. I didn’t want to go, but I did… and it was hard. I found out that a fellow army wife was expecting… and her and another wife (who was due a week before I was due… and kept rubbing her freaking belly) spent pretty much the whole evening talking about pregnancy issues. I remained on the opposite end of the table, holding my husband’s hand, and sipping on a beer.

These are normal things to talk about, but seeing as they knew we had just endured a loss 1/3 of the way through a pregnancy, it made me give them the side-eye. Bottom line- it hurt my fucking feelings, and I cried the whole way home. And, I avoided most army-related events from there on out which may be immature or weak on my end as I truly want to be there for my husband, but it was something I felt like I had to do to continue moving forward.

Going to the doctor is a whole other issue. Here, at Fort Bliss, if you’re under Tricare Prime, you can either go to the hospital, William Beaumont, or be seen at the clinic (it’s a new, nice facility) on East Bliss. Tyler works on East Bliss and it’s closer to our house, so that’s where I’m typically seen (however, my new obgyn is at the hospital). Some days are better than others when I go for lab work or appointments, but sometimes it completely sucks donkey seeing young ass girls with children. Usually it’s a baby with a toddler that they can’t control and they seem to be like 22.

My doctors have even made comments about young girls complaining that they haven’t gotten pregnant within the first few months of trying… I’ll never forget the tone my old OBGYN had when I initially went in for infertility (and happened to be pregnant at the time!)…she thought I was much younger than I was, then changed her demeanor when she saw my birth date, haha 🙂

Military families are supposed to come together. Tyler deployed outside of his unit; therefore, I have had absolutely no support from a FRG. I don’t know if it is normal or not, but it has put a bad taste in my mouth about the “support group” we are supposed to have. I know a handful of spouses who have experienced a deployment since moving here, and they have posted a shit ton of get togethers, events, etc. with their FRG…and have seemed to have made lifelong friends. If I ever become in charge of the FRG at TJ’s future units, I’ll ensure that everyone is included… and checked in on 😉 But this is beside the point.

I feel as if I should create a club for army wives to come together with spouses that are deployed (there is one for spouses TTC, but not for deployed spouses).

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I think many people don’t know how to talk to those that are having trouble. I understand- before our situation, I would have no idea what to do or say! From what I have gathered through blogging and being open about our situation with family and friends- saying nothing implies that it’s not a big deal or that you don’t care. But it IS a big deal.

Also, don’t be afraid to talk about your pregnancy/baby. If you push me under the rug about a pregnancy….I’m sorry, but I’ll push you under the rug about the birth. Don’t hide news about a pregnancy! It may tug at my heart a bit and I will probably be slightly jealous, but I’m truly happy for you- and I’ll want to know details and hold the babes once it makes an appearance 🙂

I was not the “best of friends” with some people in my earlier years, but I have discussed infertility issues with them for the past couple of years and have watched them birth amazing babies… It really opens your eyes as to who your true friends are… but I’ll get to that in another post.

Not only have these few women brought new light into my world, they taught me to be my own advocate. I don’t think I’m getting the best healthcare right now….my husband may oppose this notion because “it’s free”. I understand that throwing women on Clomid may work for many, but it’s also dangerous as it can cause ovarian cysts, thinning of the uterine lining, and ovarian cancer.  My mom was on Clomid as her and my dad experienced secondary infertility after I was born (my brother and I are 5 years apart)… and she was even monitored back then! That’s why I get upset about our healthcare… but we’ll deal with it until we conceive or have to move onto Plan B.

To wrap things up, it will be interesting to see what happens. The thing I’m looking forward to the most this year is being reunited with my husband…my world will not be okay until I come face to face again and feel him in my arms… 🙂

Cheers to 2015!

* If you’re a part of a military community, have you ever experienced any sort of issues?

*What are you looking forward to the most this year?

Gift Giving Guide 2014

Alright, so as odd as it may sound, Tyler and I didn’t buy each other anything last Christmas, and we are following the same pattern this year with him being deployed. I honestly foresee this tradition continuing…and here’s why:

  • If we want something for ourselves throughout the year within reason, we buy it. Tyler is not a sit around with your thumb up your butt and wait kinda person…unless it’s something expensive.
  • We buy each other things throughout the year.
  • Flying back to Chicago last year was almost $900, but we were home for 10 days. Plane tickets aren’t cheap anymore, but we know that we won’t be going home for holidays often, especially if/when we have children.

However, though we aren’t celebrating together this year, TJ has given me many awesome gifts throughout the year. I thought I’d share these as it may help some who have no effing idea what to get their significant other or a family member. I’ll warn you- some are affordable while others are expensive…this is all depending on your household income though. Some people may think everything is freaking cheap! 😉

1.) I Hate Steven Singer Rose-  Tyler initially purchased a rose for his mom a couple of years ago for Mother’s Day. I absolutely loved it, but never mentioned it after ;/ This past Valentine’s Day I was surprised with a platinum dipped red rose…and it’s absolutely beautiful! I wasn’t sure how to display it, but I think what I did is suitable 🙂 I have mine sitting on my desk. Also, the roses by Steven Singer are exclusive Valentine’s Day through Mother’s Day, so you can’t get them any other time of year unfortunately.

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I tried using various colored glass rocks with the rose, but green looked the best!

 

2.) A good coffee mug- I love a good coffee mug, but what makes an awesome cup is a big ass handle. I’m not going to squeeze my effing fingers to take a drink of tea or coffee unless I’m at a restaurant or at someone’s house. I got a super cute coffee mug from Tyler and one from my sister this year:

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From TJ- he ordered it through Amazon! LOVE it!

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From my sister. I drink coffee, tea, and even eat cereal in this bad boy!

 

3.) Garmin Forerunner 10- This watch is awesome. Tracks your distance, pace, and calories and is SO easy to use! I’m not technically savvy, so this was awesome for me.

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I wish it came in black and pink!

 

4.) Sirius XM radio– I’m a HUGE Howard Stern fan. Some people may think he’s a bit..umm..crude…but I don’t give a fugg. He’d older than my dad which makes it weird sometimes, but he gives the best god damn interviews I’ve ever heard. This was probably one of the best gift’s Tyler has given me, especially because I’ve heard that the radio stations suck down here and it’s all Mexican music. No offense, but I’m from Indiana, and I don’t want to hear that. I hear it enough from my neighbors fiestas every God damn month which keep me up until 3am. If your loved one commutes more than 15 minutes each way, this is a gift they’d truly appreciate!

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This man has made my commutes so much more pleasurable!

 

5.) Treadmill- This was an anniversary gift from Tyler. COMPLETE surprise! He always said no effing way when I teased about it (he bought his ex wife one, so I was like…WTF?), blah blah blah. I’m not, and have never been, a huge hardcore runner. I’d roll my ass out of bed when he was going to PT and make trips to Planet Fitness which is a mere 2 minutes away. But my prince outdid me this past year when he had be open a card and look on the back and see that he ordered a treadmill and that it was on it’s way…Tears were shed, of course.

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Hopefully this fits in our spare bedroom at our next home. Although it’s an eyesore, no one really ever comes over, so it’s not a big deal. Plus, I push it together so it doesn’t take up much room!

I have another list of things that I’ve bought over the past few months that I love that I’ll share soon!

  • What’s on your Christmas list?
  • How you do and your spouse celebrate Christmas?

 

Update- October 2014. One Step Forward and 5 Steps Back

I was hesitant about doing a month by month check-in about what’s new with my cycle and progesterone levels because most people probably don’t give a shit, but then I realized that I write this blog for myself 🙂 It’s been a useful to regarding remember certain dates and cycle lengths and such, and despite not wanting to worry about all that stuff seeing that there is virtually no chance to conceive over the next several months, I know it’ll help us in the end. It gives me a thorough description of what went on each month which may be beneficial upon Tyler’s return and we have to figure out where to go from there. And, if I can help or be relatable to a few people along the way, then it’s definitely worth my time still! Anyways, I’ll keep this short and sweet and say this month blew absolute ass in this department.

I went to the clinic on day 23 of my cycle since day 21 fell on a Saturday. I looked at my results online last Friday and my progesterone levels were at .46. W.T.F. This is the LOWEST number I have ever gotten, and I was freaking crushed. I’ll tell ya, I miss my husband every single day, but in this moment, I absolutely yearned to hold him. Instead, I made a drink and watched one of my favorite movies, Big, haha. Classy, I know, and you wont ever hear me complain about feeling lonely during this time, but I truly felt alone that day. It took a day to get over my pity party, but I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t still annoyed. I know it’s pointless to feel this way though and it’s really nothing I can control.

Love this picture of Wrigley, haha.

The thing is- I thought things were going to get better. I’m not the most positive person on the planet, but I really, really thought positive. Last cycle was 31 or 32 days and my progesterone level was 6.9 on cycle day 21. Not amazing number but the best I’ve ever measured naturally! I cut my cardio down to virtually zero (I walk a shit ton at work though but obviously never get my heart rate up). I gained nearly ten pounds over the course of three months. And it didn’t do effing shit but made things worse, haha.

I was once again told that maybe it’s stress, and I asked what in the world I have to be stressed about? Aside from no baby in my arms, our lives have fallen into place for the most part. I was looked at as if I had three heads when I asked this…. oh yeah, my husband is deployed to a scary ass place, and my job can be stressful at times. Bu I truly don’t think these two components would stress my body out enough to produce pretty much no progesterone and haul ovulation, but who knows.

After a crappy last few days (tooth issues, horrible Day 21 lab results- lowest progesterone level I've EVER had while being monitored- like nonexistent, and an effing kitchen sink leak), I came home from work to a box from my mom filled with these goodies. She knows Fall is my favorite time of year...I love you! This made me cry although I'm a little unsure about the purple glitter pumpkin, haha  And thank you for the awesome mug, Kathleen!

I came home from work last week to find a box sent by my mom on our doorstep. She knew I had a few crappy days and knows I absolutely LOVE the Fall, so sent me a box of goodies! So sweet.

The obgyn I have been seeing since our initial pregnancy is out of office until the end of the year as she was pregnant herself (via IVF). I also was assigned a new PCM (primary care physician, which is like my general doctor)- I loved loved loved my old one so this is a bummer. The new one called the other day and told me to call the hospital and request an appointment with a new obgyn. She saw in my files that we were trying to conceive for a while, and it was noted that although my husband’s deployed, we want to keep tabs on my cycles during this time so we have a course of action planned soon after he gets home. Hopefully it doesn’t take me three flipping months to be seen 😉

It will actually be nice to get another profession’s opinion and insight. I’ve learned that you HAVE to be your own advocate. If you sit around waiting for shit to happen, it’s probably not going to happen. We should be leaving Texas about six months after TJ gets home, so we’d like to have a better idea of what’s up before having to start the process of moving and such. I’m not even sure if where we are going next has any obgyn’s that treat fertility more than just throwing Clomid at them! We may have to travel to get additional help if need be….but like usual, I’m getting too far ahead of myself, haha.

My favorite girl sent me this mug last week!

So, that’s that. I’m obviously going to keep my caloric intake up (I don’t count calories, just eat more!), but I’m also introducing cardio back into my life. Tyler and I discussed this and he’s down since this was my main stress reliever for years. However, it won’t be much- 10 miles a week or so. I think a couple of miles every few days isn’t overkill at all, and I always feel amazing after a run. I’ll still do weights as I never stopped that.

I’ve been asked about my diet and exercise routine over the past few years and how that’s changed, so I’ll probably get a post up about that sometime soon.

In the meantime, I’m keeping my fingers crossed this cycle isn’t like 60 days long or some crazy shit, but now that it’s already longer than 35 days long, it probably doesn’t even matter. I love October, and I have some things to look forward this month that will keep me preoccupied 🙂

Do you suffer from irregular periods or not ovulating every month?

Can this be hereditary?

Any advice or suggestions?

Deployment Bucket List

Good morning! So, I’ve compiled a list of things I want to do while TJ is away.

I obviously want my husband to be here with me to do all of these things…but he can’t. So I ponied up and thought of things that I could do to help me get through this anxiety ridden time apart.

Most women have a FRG that they rely on. Tyler was individually tasked out; therefore, he didn’t go with his unit. I’m not crying because I’m a lonesome wife, but I want people to know that is not not what typically happens. Usually there is a group of spouses that you can relate to/rely on because their husbands or wives are all in the same unit and are deployed together (FRG- Family Readiness Group). Mama don’t have that unfortunately, and I haven’t even been in contact with anyone in his unit since he’s pretty much been gone, but that’s okay.

I constructed a “30 Before 30 Bucket List” and it’s been somewhat successful so far but I’ll get to that in another post. Anyways, I’m one that strives when goals are set. I spent years doggy-paddling around, and it got me nowhere. Tyler thinks it’s amusing (or perhaps irritating, haha) that when I achieve something, I can’t just enjoy it- I have to move onto something else . The list is comprised of things that I want to do to keep myself from doing nothing but work, clean, and watching Hulu and Netflix.

1.) Go to a movie solo- Some people do this with no prob (my husband), while others would never even think about doing this. Tyler’s always loved movies, and watching them is kinda our thing (I’m sure this was their thing in his previous relationships, but I’m the queen of the castle now). While I plan on waiting for him to get home to watch most of movies, there are a handful I want to see that I know he could give a shit about. So far, I have seen The Giver (good) and Into the Storm (sucked BIG TIME!). I also want to see Gone Girl next month (read the book). He saw the trailer and wasn’t impressed, haha 😦

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Had to prove to TJ I actually went 😉 It was only me an a couple in the theater on a random Monday afternoon!

 

2.) Go to a farmer’s market- I typically work on Saturdays, but I know there is a great farmer’s market (so I’ve heard) in El Paso….or maybe it’s in Las Cruces? Anyways, I’ve never been to one before, and I think it’d be fun to check out.

3.) Read. A LOT. – I’d go through phases with reading when I was in school, but growing up I always read before bed to help me relax and transition into bedtime mode. We’ve ordered a handful of books for me over the past few months, and I’m excited to get caught up in a story instead of our own situation!

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4.) Attend a Group Fitness Class- I know Crossfit is the big fad now, but I’m not looking to get into that- sorry.  There is a huge array of group fitness classes offered on post for only about $2.50 per session (yoga, body pump, TRX, spinning, gravity, etc.), and I think one or two of those a week with my light cardio and weights will not only keep me social but feeling good! I’ve just been too lazy to drive there with my work schedule. I feel bad leaving the dogs locked up longer than need be! 😦

***I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve cut WAY back on my activity level and gained some weight to try to help regulate my cycles and ovulate on my own. If anyone’s interested in what I’ve been doing (or what I haven’t been doing) let me know. I know so many people struggle to lose weight and keep it off, but there are those that actually need to gain to help with reproduction…I can go on and on about this, sorry!

Group Class Tips

5.) Boudoir Session- Google this if you don’t know what it is. It’s basically a sexy photo session…but it can be as teasing or raunchy as you desire (depending on the photographer, haha). I wanted a session done for our first anniversary, but didn’t find the time, nor could I justify the money as I wasn’t working (solely going to school full-time at that point). I found an amazing deal by Krystal Kleer Photography, and inquired about a session immediately. She fit me in and made me feel incredibly comfortable. I hope to do more photo sessions with her before we leave 🙂 I had to find an appropriate photo….

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Yes, these are my granny hands. Tyler picked out my ring himself- we NEVER discussed such a thing. He knew I loved antique/vintage jewelry…and this is what I got. In platinum 😉

 

6.) Dry Bar- I know these have become popular, but I live under a freaking rock and just heard about them a few months ago. El Paso tends to be somewhat behind from cities such as Chicago, so I was excited when I heard that Dry Bar opened up! I got a blow out and my make-up done…yes, I splurged, but I thought the price was fairly reasonable…although why is getting your make-up done so expensive?!  My hair styles are straight, wavy/curly or in a pony-tail…so yeah.

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In a hurry, haha.

7.) House Cleanse– I’m a clean freak, but some things I just don’t care about. Vacuuming and dusting are done every other day or so because of the dogs and it can get super dusty in El Paso. House cleanse means wiping out drawers/cabinets/refrigerator/etc.- things I don’t do very often. I’ll crack open a bottle of wine, put on some music, and wipe shit down!

*This also means organizing my crafting stuff 🙂

8.) Try more recipes– This is definitely not a problem for me. Tyler hates veggies and most fruits, but I can sometimes disguise them. However, this time apart gives me the opportunity to try new recipes that he might like. I just made one recently…if I didn’t tell him what was in it, he would love it (with a little bit of butter and extra cinnamon on top though!).

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Spiced carrot zucchini bread. I used apple sauce in place of oil and it was amazing!

9.) Keep up with a pedicure every 8 weeks- This sounds so bogus, but I’ve only gotten a few manis/pedis in my life. However, working in retail, where sandals are part of my daily attire year-round, my feet get fuggin dry. I can keep up with the maintenance, but it’d be nice to have this done every other month. Hopefully my mom has some stuff to give to me when I come home so I can do at-home pedi’s with friends 😉

10.) Hang with friends/do more things in general- I can be an absolute hermit. If it weren’t for me loving men, I  think I’d be happy by myself, haha. So sad, but true. I’m not one that needs to be constantly socializing. The handful of friends (I use this term loosely- probably more like acquaintances) I have or  that I initially met have either moved away or have really not contacted me since Tyler has left. However, I have a friend whose husband is leaving soon as well- I met her through my job which I’m incredibly grateful for! Don’t get my wrong- I still have my best friend and family back at home- I’m not a complete loser 😉

 

*What are some things you do when your spouse is gone?

*Do you have any suggestions of shows/movies on Hulu or Netflix?! Books?

*Are you more of a socializer or a homebody like me?

 

Breathing Again- Trying to Conceive and Marriage

 

I didn’t exactly know how to title this post, and just do so you know- when I think about this topic, I tend to be all over the place.

To begin with- I know there are so many couples that battle infertility for YEARS. I am letting you know beforehand that we cannot comprehend what you are feeling. My thoughts about what we have endured so far are based on the past year or so… and obviously my husband’s deployment has put a mad stop to everything for nine months.

Trying to conceive and getting knocked up accidentally or without trying are entirely different. I shouldn’t even have to explain why. However, this post is going to discuss how the miscarriage and the months TTC again have affected us as a couple, as well as myself.

When found out that we were pregnant on July 7, 2013, everything became a whirlwind. Tyler had JUST gotten home from NIE (field training for 6 weeks) and I was taking 4 summer classes (and had 6 left in the Fall to finish up). We had some issues with ultrasounds and blood work during the early weeks but thought we were in smooth sailing after the nine week mark past. Honestly, the thought of miscarriage was always in the back of my mind because of the early weeks.

I vividly remember looking into the mirror one day around 6 weeks asking God that if something were going to happen to please let it be early on…I know, completely irrational. I questioned myself whether or not to even say this on the blog, but that, among other things, is why I question God. I know he doesn’t answer all requests and that things could have been much, much worse, so please don’t attack me. 😉 He took a shat on that request I made though. For several months after, close family and friends would say that they were praying for us. I truly appreciate this, but Tyler doesn’t believe in that stuff and I got fed up with it. Sorry, but true.

Anyways, the past fourteen months have brought Tyler and I closer together than I thought possible, but that doesn’t mean we have not had our fair share of arguments or that it hasn’t put strain on our relationship at times. I’m not going to air our dirty laundry, but I want to give some insight to let those that are struggling or have struggled know that we are not perfect.

 

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Elephant Butte… sucked donkey! Late June, 2012.

Here’s one instance: We were sitting outside a laundry-mat waiting for our comforter to get done (I was afraid our washing machine would break if I tried shoving our king-sized comforter in it). Tyler was talking on the phone to his parents… and I heard him say the name that we’d chosen should the baby be a boy…and I seriously think steam came out of my ears I was so mad. Not even mad- angry. (note- I was asked several times by my mom about names and I told her to put a lid on it).

My reasoning behind this- can’t we a keep secret between ourselves? I wanted ONE thing to be between us- husband and wife- and it really hurt me. He was adamant on finding out the sex of the baby beforehand which I kind of wanted to refrain from doing (I definitely want to know now because of the miscarriage, but not sure if I want everyone to know), so keeping this between us was important to me. Does there really need to be more reasoning? The woman is the one who carries the darn baby!

You know what? A week later we found out that I miscarried. I cried over what happened, but remember, I didn’t have my D&C done for nearly two weeks later. I can recall replaying this awful fight in my head on my way home from class one day  and actually pulled over because I couldn’t stop crying (not dramatizing this, babe). Keep in mind that “it” was still inside of me for two weeks after the news…so my hormones were off the chart.

I know people are excited when pregnancy news arises- I get it. It could have been anyone that asked this simple question and I would’ve gotten upset- not at them by any means, but at his response, haha. I think we will both be keeping one foot on the ground until we are holding a newborn in our arms…and the only important thing during those nine months is mine and the baby’s health. Moral of the story is that I may have been illogical with my reason to get upset, but shit happens and we all have to compromise….and sometimes things are too important to us that we may choose not to compromise and want to get our way, haha 😉

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Our weekend getaway to Phoenix after everything. Needed a weekend away to help heal.

We argued over baby items…cribs, strollers, car seats, monitors, high chairs- pretty much everything, haha. We registered pretty early on (at 11 weeks), but did so because TJ was going back to the field for 6 weeks and by the time he’d get home, I would’ve been 5 months pregnant (and in school full-time), and we figured that our shower would be when we were able to come home at Christmas since I was due in early March.

All I’m saying about this- I’m so freaking glad that we got these discussions out of the way. Tyler’s a researcher and I’m more of a hearsay kinda person…CLASH! We’ve already purchased a few items for our future baby after we came to an agreement (yep, stroller and car seat are out of the way!).

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Outside of my old apartment in Gilbert, Arizona. Tyler made me get out and pose in front of it, haha. Moving to AZ then moving home was a turning point in my life…

As far as intimacy…it became a chore for a few months. I was obsessed around November/December- charting my basal temp and using ovulation strips all the time. Those strips RULED my mood. If I was mid-cycle and the tests came back negative, I was annoyed. When they were positive, I was ecstatic. It didn’t matter though because I believe that my progesterone was probably so low during these months (I wasn’t monitored during this time), and we obviously had no positive results. People say that you’re more fertile after a miscarriage, but this is not always true. I was still crazy about my husband, but it simply isn’t the same when things are kinda forced to reach a desired goal. Those that have tried and tried again know what I mean!

His deployment came fast and unexpected. I’ll be almost 30 when TJ gets home, so I hope people stop saying “you’re so young”. Tyler is three years older than me, but I know men can have kids until they’re like effing 70 or something. He had a sperm analysis done earlier this year and everything came back normal, but he will have one again when he gets home (the test is done once a year for those trying to conceive). It’s crucial to get it done as soon as he gets home because sometimes the vaccinations that the soldiers have to get beforehand can effect their sperm.

When you hit 30, you’re considered to be old when trying to conceive a first child in the military. For real. I honestly could give a fugg because we’re probably more financially secure than 98% of the much younger crowd popping out kids, yet it still tugs at your heart once in a while. However, I make myself put things into perspective:

*I have a Bachelor’s college degree and a decent job.

*He has two Bachelor degrees and is an Officer in the Army.

*We have two awesome, fairly new vehicles paid off.

*He has NO college debt (though I have a good lump sum, haha).

This shit may be all monetary, but in all honesty, children cost money. It could potentially cost us a lot to finally have baby, so at least we will be somewhat prepared if that’s what it comes down to 🙂 (obviously we are hoping not- hopefully my body will be so shocked when he comes home that it’ll grab ahold of a good one 😉

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While I we still yearn for a baby one day, I can seriously say that it feels good to just breathe again. No more frequent doctors appointments (only one visit to the lab each month) and constant testing for weeks straight. No more hoping then getting hit with disappointment…at least for a while. Our miscarriage brought Tyler and I closer together, and I know deep down that this deployment will only further strengthen our relationship.

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We may not think the same way, see eye to eye on all issues, but this man is my everything. It’s okay to disagree. TTC will take your relationship to a place it’s never been before. Have date nights and don’t constantly talk about things. And remember to always keep why you fell in love with the person in the first place in mind.

*On the surface, I fell for Tyler’s perfect smile and face (sounds super weird, haha), especially in a baseball hat (I have a thing for hats people…)

*Once we started talking, I knew this guy was motivated and was going to do something with his life. HOT.

*He likes the good things in life, but he’s financially responsible. He doesn’t take hand-outs and has bought his own shit. Admirable.

*He’s honest. Sometimes too honest and I wanna kick him in his balls, but he’s always been honest with everyone.

*He doesn’t love just anyone. This guy is picky. How did I get so lucky?! Don’t answer this, haha

If you’re having issues with your marriage when you’re trying to conceive, hang in there. Though we only ventured into fertility medication, feel free to message me!

 

If you and your spouse struggled to conceive, did it effect your marriage at all?

Were you guys super couple and never argued at all??

To everyone- tell me your BEST marriage tip!

 

Things NOT to Say to the Spouse of a Deployed Soldier

Alright, so I’ve read a few of these articles since becoming an army wife, and now that Tyler is deployed I’ve decided to make my own list. I’ve had numerous comments said to me throughout his absence due to field training exercises, but I didn’t think it was right to discuss this until now. Before I begin, remember that I’m sarcastic. I know that our civilian counterparts simply cannot comprehend long times apart, and it’s difficult to know what to say. What annoys me may be loved by someone else- so don’t get discouraged! Here we go:

1.) When does he get out? This comment has been made SO many times, and yes, this one kind of irritates me. Tyler gets out when he RETIRES- he’s eligible in 11 or so years- FULL retirement at age 42- plus all medical treatment paid throughout his life (mama’s gonna probably have to work until she’s 85…wah!). His prior service played a huge role in his decision to go back in as an officer as it counted towards his retirement and puts him in a slightly higher pay bracket (we are no Donald Trumps, but it IS a benefit for him). Yes, many men and women only put in a certain amount of time and then get out and move on, but some actually make it their career. And you know what? That’s not only admirable, but sexy as hell. Are you like me and can’t retire until your old as balls? 😦

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July 2012…his rank changed, but my big bear looks the same!

 

2.) At least you don’t have kids- This has only been said a few times so far, and I wasn’t really upset because they didn’t know us and our situation. If you’ve been an avid reader, it’s no secret that we want children and are more than ready. I was even congratulated that I’ll have made it to 30 without kids by a fellow co-worker (I’ll be 29.5 when TJ gets home).

3.) You can always go home- UMMM, no. Why? Because I have a full-time job now, two dogs, and an entire house to take care of. My personal and vacation days will be saved for when my Titan gets home. So unless I win the lottery which I never play, this shit  isn’t happening. Although I plan on flying home for a long weekend or two over the next several months! Come visit me!!! We should only have about 7 months left in the area after TJ gets home. The city is really not so bad. We have some decent shopping, great restaurants, different scenery, and a ton of movies to watch if I have to work 😉

4.) Are you scared? Of course. I cried multiple times a day during the first couple of weeks Tyler was gone, but I try not to think about it…so please don’t ever ask this. My wishes when I find a penny or drop an eyelash are not about a baby anymore- they’re about Tyler coming home safe (and the same person…yes, I’ve read too much on how people can change) to me…I hate wishing days away, but nighttime is the most peaceful to me as it is another day done.

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A visit while he was at OCS. September 2011.

5.) Has he shot/killed anyone?- Unfortunately, I’ve been asked this many times. I don’t know, and it’s offending that someone would ask this. There are things I want to know about my husband and things I don’t- this is one of them. However, he conquered TWO 12 month tours in Iraq during the midst of the War on Terrorism…

Tyler was a part of the 173rd Airborne Brigade that jumped into Iraq on March 26, 2003. Please Google this! Many people don’t know the significance of this date.

Also, there is a difference between jumping…and jumping into a designated war-zone.

He lost his best friend and others close to him throughout his deployments. Many people endured loss during the war. Just remember that.

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Preparing to jump…(random pic). However, Tyler actually jumped into a war zone… not just practiced. HUGE difference to those that love to jump onto free soil and those that have not.

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This is how much gear Tyler and the other men dropped with. Have you had a bad day at work?

6.) Just keep yourself busy- I do, but it doesn’t mean I don’t look at his side of the bed and burst into tears once in a while. Or think of him when I’m our in our closet changing and see his section of clothes. Or see his car, knowing he’s not there when I pull inside the garage. Work has been amazing at keeping my days going, but have a harder time starting my day when I work a 1-10 shift. Nonetheless, once I get there and get in the groove, I’m good. Outside of work- the dogs, crafts, movies, light exercise, and a couple of friends keeps me entertained enough.

7.) You knew what you were getting into- This phrase wasn’t said directly to me…it was more like, “Well if you knew that he’d be leaving eventually, didn’t you kinda expect it?” When I met Tyler, he had mentioned going to grad school after graduating with his Bachelors. I never thought about us being long term for the first few months, and I was already invested in him and our relationship by the time he decided to go back in as an officer.

He was a hot piece of meat, and I was getting out of an extremely long relationship. Tyler was so incredibly different than all I ever knew … and yet, the relationship worked and grew. He didn’t spring going back into the army on me until I knew I wanted him around for a while…bastard. Just kidding 😉 So no, I didn’t know what I was getting into initially. But you know what? I wouldn’t change a fucking thing, no matter how sad, scared, or lonely I am sometimes. And you simply cannot comprehend these things until you’re actually in the moment, ya know?

8.) My husband travels…– Listen- If your husband travels to California or even London for business, THIS IS NOT THE SAME. I know some airlines are sketchy, but your hubby is relatively SAFE. He can eat whatever he wants, call/skype you whenever he wants, shop whenever he wants, watch TV whenever he wants, and rub one out whenever he wants- AND he’s home within a few WEEKS (usually). Oh, and he probably doesn’t have to worry about rockets being launched at him or whatever.

*Sidenote- if you freak out after your significant other is away for a few days, please re-examine yourself. I honestly about shit my pants when I see Facebook statuses about missing their loved ones after a few days. Put on your big girl panties, eat and watch whatever you damn well please, pour a drink, and be effing grateful you have a man who is out making you guys money. Have a girls night. Do things you that you’re spouse doesn’t really like to do (Real Housewives of OC marathons…although I know he secretly doesn’t mind them, haha).  Just please don’t compare the two.

I obviously have to carry on with my life and the life we set up together here, but deployment revolves around emails and phone calls. Once you hear from them, you sigh with relief, but then you hold your breath until the next time.

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Tyler’s an Officer! I was freezing my nads off and it took me forever to pin this 🙂

9.) Let me know if you need anything- I’m here for you!- I know this is a well-intended remark, but quite frankly, actions speak louder than words. Don’t tell me- SHOW me. It’s like with any trying times in life. Unless your close as hell to me (mom, aunt, sister, best friend), I’m not gonna call or text you about “needing” anything.

I’m by NO means not expecting anything from anyone, and I can hold down the fort unless it comes to starting the damn lawn mower or fixing the computer. However, I think it’s downright insulting to say such a thing, and yet, never act upon it.

Point blank- relationships and friendships will transpire during a deployment on both ends- spouse and soldier. Texting and calling are different things. Saying you’re there and actually being there are two entirely different entities. On the other hand, random texts have brightened up my day!

This can be said about any trying time during life- not just during deployments, such as sickness, death, etc. After our miscarriage and the past year trying to conceive, I gained an incredible amount of compassion towards those that have struggled in this area- it truly opened my eyes. If anything, I know that this deployment will do the same for me as well in regards to this type of situation.

I know that I’m not the best friend/sister/daughter/whatever- but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that actions truly do speak louder than words. Tyler had a lot to do with me recognizing this by showing me how much he loves me, rather than just saying it. Thanks, babe 🙂

Right after I accepted his proposal. P.S. He even looked my dad’s phone number up and called him to ask him if it was alright if he asked me to marry him. I LOVED this!

10.) I could never do it- What in the world does this mean? I’m assuming it’s supposed to be a compliment, but it’s not. What would you do then? Divorce your husband? Quit going into work and lay in bed all day? Move back home with your parents? I don’t understand this comment.

You do it because you HAVE to.

You “can do it” because your husband is doing a job that most men or women cannot or would not handle.

And bottom line- you do it because you found a love that was so amazing, so incredibly invigorating, that it took you above where you’ve ever been before.

When you love someone deeply enough, you CAN wait for them. You CAN continue to love them across the world. You will regain energy from happy memories flooding your mind as well as through erratic emails and phone calls.

And…you’ll always keep in mind, that the day you see them again will be absolutely fucking glorious…..

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June 2013…the day he got home from NIE. Happy happy 🙂

Time is Not on Our Side

Time is a funny thing. Some days seem to drag ass while others don’t have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything on our “To Do” lists. I think I jinxed myself when I got the word “Time” tattooed on my wrist 8 years ago while on Spring Break…classy, eh? 😉 My ex and I (we were together 6 years at this point) had broken up for a few months, and I was in the midst of my floundering years; thus, Green Day’s Good Riddance’s song lyric, “Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go” was influential for me, haha.  Anyways, I’m flipping the bird with both hands at you right now, Time. I’ll explain why…

If you’ve been reading my blog you know that I’m the wife to an army officer and that our first pregnancy resulted in a missed miscarriage at 3.5 months. We’ve been struggling to conceive again since. With my abnormal cycles combined with Tyler’s NIE’s (field training exercises) twice a year, our time is more limited than other couples, but we’ve been excited to finally see things rolling along. We expected him to be gone from September-October/November which was a little aggravating knowing things would have to be put on hold again if we didn’t conceive before then.

What we didn’t expect was for him to get orders for a 9 month deployment. Evidently, time is not on our side.

I wish I could rewind back to the evening he told me and re-do the whole scenario. Long story short- I was absolutely terrified, sad, and while this might sound odd or mean, really effing pissed off (not at him- at the situation). My initial thought was his safety. I don’t live up his butt or anything, but this man is my absolute life. I’ve been crazy in love, head over heels for him basically since the night he walked into my life.

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Bumper cars at the fair- first summer together! Loving my sexy outfit and hair 🙂

 

My thought process:

WTFFFFFF.

I’m scared for him.

How in the WORLD can we try to have a baby if he’s deployed?

I’m scared for him.

I’m going to be living in this armpit for 9 months with minimal friends and no family.

I questioned God last year and people’s attempt at comforting words such as “I’ll pray for you” and “It’s all in God’s time” is complete bullshit. If you’re there, why keep steering us off road? Why, dude? WHY???

I’m scared for him.

I don’t know much and I’m a roller coaster full of emotions right now, but I know a few things for sure.

I’m going to be as positive as possible.

I’ll have my moments of weakness and probably pitch a few fits (let’s be real, people), but I will exemplify strength and independence for Tyler.

Blogging will probably become my outlet and help make time go by.

I’m grateful for our dogs for comfort, the few friends I have here for support, a home with a security system, and a job to help time pass, and family from both sides.

I love waiting for everything in life! Just kidding 😉

 

I’ve been getting better with enjoying life in the present moment, but it’ll be interesting to try and enjoy the little things when I’m crapping my pants everyday in worry. This is NOT a pity party- thousands of spouses do this…it’s just a new experience for me, ya know?

We’re both extremely bummed about the entire situation. Everything literally happened within a matter of fourteen days, and we were really hoping for some pregnancy news by the end of the year. It’s his job though, an he’s damn good at it. And yes, I knew what I was getting myself into before I said my vows, but it doesn’t  take away the fear and sadness.

Ironically, since he left, I have let the baby thing go. I still plan on seeing my OBGYN (I’m in the midst of switching) and trying to attain normal cycles. We are still going to monitor my hormone levels each cycle and hopefully throw some ultrasounds in there to look at things more in depth when it gets closer to his return. If there are still no answers as to why I’m not ovulating (or spontaneously ovulating as my current OBGYN said), I’ll be referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) before he gets home. Although here is only flipping ONE in El Paso and the wait limit is like 18 years, so we shall see.

Until then, here’s to a quick and safe deployment for my big bear. I love you, babe.

Has there ever been a period in your life when time was not on your side?

Thanks for reading my emotional vent today 😉

 

 

Counting Successes Rather Than Days During a Deployment

**** I’d like to give a huge shout-out to Elizabeth from Elizabeth Loves for helping me customize my blog over the past week! Though I’m slowly learning, I’m clueless when it comes to the back-end of blog design, and she was extremely helpful, made the process easy, and was absolutely wonderful to work with. Elizabeth is also a fellow military wife who writes about all different arrays of life- so check out her blog!

Alright, obviously I’d rather have my husband right next to me, but that simply is not possible right now. Though this is TJ’s third deployment, it’s our first together, and it hit us out of nowhere. This post is not meant to judge, nor to say that that dealing with it one way is better than others. It’s simply portraying how I’m trying to juggle being apart from my husband and, better yet, getting him home safe and sound.

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Late 2011- Visiting TJ at Fort Benning while he was at OCS.

I’ve only been an army wife for a bit over two years, but I’ve come into contact with numerous spouses. After the basic “get to know ya” questions, they tend to ask whether or not you’re husband has deployed or not. Is this a status thing? For real…I’m asking all the military spouses out there. Did I not qualify to be in the “real army wife” category because I didn’t experience a deployment with my husband yet? Who knows…

I didn’t even know he existed back then, but Tyler did two, 12 month tours previously in Iraq. Long story short if you’re new- He was enlisted from 2001 to 2007 and left as a Staff Sergeant…went to college and got a dual degree in Marketing and Business, then went back in as an Officer.

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TJ in Iraq…

Anyways, as much as I want to lie in bed and watch Netflix or Hulu all day, I know I can’t (but some days I will). I HAVE to focus on the positives of this deployment…Tyler has tried to remind me of some.

  • Our marriage will be stronger than ever
  • Our true friendships will shine through
  • Our familial relations will grow closer together

In all honesty, I am not the most positive person in the world. Ask those closest to me, haha. It’s funny though because I get many comments applauding me for my optimism. I kind of have to force myself to think better thoughts, but you know what? It ends up changing my mindset after a while and relieves so much unneeded stress. Sulking and bitching won’t give me Tyler back. In fact, it would probably damage our relationship to an extent. I have to be strong for myself and him…but I promise you I have my moments (some last longer than others), yet their in the privacy of my home. I’ll write more about this as we get further into the deployment.

Anyways, I stupidly downloaded a countdown app last week and punched in the rough estimate of when he will returning home next week. I seriously about shat my pants when I saw the number that pop up and immediately said eff this. I have no clue why I even did that. Some women may find a countdown to be comforting, but mama just can’t handle seeing numbers in the high 200’s. So, instead of counting numbers, I’m going to count our successes.

The successes don’t really have to be things I achieved. They’ll merely be things that make me happy, get me through the day or week, or that I look forward to. It could be something as simple as relaxing and enjoying a book or trying something new. I plan on creating a “Deployment Bucket List” for things I’m going to do to help me not freak the fuck out stay strong for the both of us. I’ll share this with you all within a few weeks! Hopefully, this will help others gain more light towards deployments instead of focusing on the constant worry and other negative feelings that it causes.

Thought this was funny…

What do you think about counting successes instead of days during a deployment or pro-longed times away from your spouse?

Any suggestions of things to put on my bucket list??!!