Pregnancy Update (Weeks 27-29)

The past couple of weeks have been busy and I honestly just kept putting off this update, so I’m highlighting three weeks instead of two! Tyler and I flew home during weeks 27-28 and since returning back to Arizona, I’ve been like a crazy person washing, organizing, and setting up things that we received from our baby shower and delivered to our house. My mom threw us the most amazing baby shower, and it was awesome to see so many people! We don’t see extended family and friends often since we live across the country so those that took time out of their day or even traveled for it meant a lot to us. I hate being the center or attention (my anxiety goes through the roof!), but I felt so different that day as we were celebrating our daughter. It was absolutely perfect, although I wish there had been more time since there were so many people that came and I wanted to talk with relatives and friends a bit more. I feel like after I opened gifts, everyone was cleaning up and that was it! Anyways, we’re truly grateful for all of the love and gifts we’ve received 🙂 I will be sharing photos in another post within the next couple of weeks. I’ll be 30 weeks tomorrow- Woo!!!

Maternity clothes? Yes! I can still wear normal workout and pajama shorts below my belly and bigger shirts, but for the most part, it’s maternity.

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28 weeks.

Stretch marks? Nope! Seriously, do genetics have something to do with this?

Sleep: Pretty good. I missed my snoogle while we were away, haha. Still waking up 1-2 times a night to pee, but I sleep SO soundly. However, my dreams are still often times crazy as ever.

Best moment: Our baby shower!! Spending the week with family. Getting clothes and other baby items washed and organized in her drawers and closet. Her room is coming together well- it’s almost done! We’re waiting on one more dresser to be delivered, and then I’ll be able to finish the last of it. We figured it’d be best in the long run to have a complete bedroom set for her (minus the nights stand for now). I’ve also been crafting and giving some decorations a face lift to match her bedroom. I know, I’m lame- but I love it! AND it’s a bit more meaningful and saves some money 😉

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After a day of baby shower prep…then on our way to the celebration! haha

Miss anything? Family- it was so hard to say goodbye and come back to Arizona. I’m missing my dippy eggs on toast with avocado and cheddar cheese and sushi every once in a while, too 😉

Movement: Yes, although during week 29 (this past week), I hadn’t felt anything in 2.5 days. Like at all. Tyler told me to give the nurses line a call on Wednesday (his birthday!), and they told me to go straight to labor and delivery (we checked her heartbeat on our fetal doppler at home, but she still didn’t budge and she usually goes crazy!). Once I was hooked up, the nurse noticed I was having contractions and asked if I had been having them at home. I have been- sometimes A LOT during the day, but they didn’t hurt and I didn’t think anything of it.

Well, they ended up doing a fetal non-stress test to see if I was having more than 6 in an hour…and I was. So they performed a fetal fibronectin test and thankfully, it came back negative (if it’s positive, that’s usually a good indicator that you’ll go into labor within the next 14 days). I was prepared for this test to be God awful after the nurse told me it can be really uncomfortable (they stick a speculum in you without ANY lube, then take a swab of your cervix)…but it actually wasn’t that bad! She also checked my cervix and I’m 1cm dilated, but I was told not to worry unless it starts progressing- so I’m not 😉 The nurse said to take breaks often when I’m on my feet and I have to monitor the contractions. They gave me 10mg of Procardia, but it didn’t completely stop the contractions- I’ve had a few each day since, but no more than 6 in an hour. I have an OB appointment next Thursday, so we shall see!

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29 weeks.

Food cravings: I got my fix of Panera Bread, lemon rice soup, and Gelsosomo’s Pizza (my favorite!) when we were home! I’ve been loving fruit (plain or in a yogurt bowl) and homemade breakfast sandwiches as well. Brownies sound good and I had some when I was home, but I haven’t made any for us yet. Still…nothing that I must have now!

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Not really….certain things just don’t sound good still (Mexican food, marinara, certain desserts).

Workouts: Just light weights at home.

Showing? Yep.

Gender: Girl 🙂

Symptoms:  See above in the Movement section. I’m also much more fatigued than I was the second trimester. I could probably take a nap most again, but I haven’t yet. Also, I haven’t talked about pregnancy weight gain, but I really don’t think it should be a private matter if you’re comfortable with it, and at my last appointment (week 28), I was up 15 pounds (they obviously weigh you fully clothed). My doctor was great with this as I’m measuring normal and was actually happy to hear that I’ve been eating a healthy diet for myself and the baby. Not that you shouldn’t indulge (believe me, I AM getting some ice cream tonight!), but she said it makes a world of a difference when you eat good throughout pregnancy, not just in weight, but in how the woman feels. Anyways, she said I was right on track, and if I gain a pound a week throughout the remainder of the pregnancy, that will put me at around 25 pounds total which is within healthy range. I don’t really care, but I want to look back at remember these little things 🙂

Belly button in or out? It’s starting to stick out! This happened over the past week (week 29). Will it go back to normal after the baby?!

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: Really happy most of the time (unless I’m hungry or tired, haha)…but I do have moments when I feel really sad that my family isn’t closer during all of this. I know my mom will come down a few weeks after the baby is born (I want the families to come down in rotations- not all at once. I think Tyler’s parents will be the first, then my mom, and hopefully then my brother and sister, and my dad and his girlfriend in late July or August. My brother and sister will be staying with us (we don’t have an extra bedroom at this place, but they’re fine on the couch or blow up mattress, haha), but everyone else will be staying at a hotel which is great because there are so many only minutes away! Plus, I think that will help without me being too overwhelmed with everything 😉

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Me and my sis getting ready to shop!

Looking forward to: Hitting 30 weeks tomorrow!!! We’re going to Phoenix for a Cubs spring training game for the day and I’m excited to spend the day with my man going out to eat, hitting up Ikea, and seeing the game. I’m also taking a four hour beginners photography class on post next Saturday. I’m anxious about it (I get weird when I’m out of my comfort zone, haha), but we bought a Nikon 3300 last year and I NEED to learn how to use it! I have a book, but I still don’t really know what the hell I’m doing and I want to take our own pictures of the baby (that shit is expensive).

What’s Going on with Baby: Baby weighs about 2.5 pounds and is about 15 inches long. Her muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and she is now very active. She’ll double or even triple in weight from now until birth!

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Pregnancy and Body Image

As with most expecting first-time moms, I’ve read a lot of books or articles online focused on pregnancy, child birth, and becoming a parent. I get daily and weekly updates delivered to my email about what’s going on with baby and mother during this time, and these notifications are often times filled with tips to help make this time in your life a bit easier (I actually didn’t sign up for that stuff until I was 20 weeks due to my fear of loss). A few weeks ago, there was a segment on body image during pregnancy and how it can often times be a difficult time for women. This surprised me and got me thinking about my own current body image.

Now, before I talk about how I feel, I want it known that I completely understand why it could be a hard time for females. Our bodies are completely changing and weird things are happening, the scale is going up, we’re tired, don’t feel like ourselves, and can’t work out like we used to. However, I absolutely love my pregnant body. Seeing growth each week makes me happy beyond words. Yes, I’m one of those annoying women.

Despite living in constant fear, battling all day sickness until 5.5 months, and dealing with the cervical length scare, I think I’ve had an uncomplicated pregnancy which probably contributes to how I feel about my body. I’m no dummy though. Some women may be thinking that it’s easy for me to feel this way because of the way my body looked pre-pregnancy. That may contribute to it as I was not carrying around extra weight, but what most people probably don’t know is that I’ve struggled with body image issues for years, and most of the time is was subconsciously. I didn’t realize my disordered eating and over exercising were issues because it was never about the number on the scale- it was about having control over a piece of my life. Therapy will teach you quite a few valuable things along the way 😉

Now, I’m not going to get into my history because this is about how I feel now, but when I think about the past fifteen years of my life, I’ve come a long way the past year and a half. After we lost our first and we started having trouble conceiving, I knew I needed to stop exercising as much and put on some weight. I’ve discussed this in previous blog posts which can be found under the miscarriage/infertility tab on my homepage. To summarize- it was mentally challenging to slow down on the exercise, and at first I wouldn’t accept that this could be a culprit because many women conceive while going about their normal fitness routine or even in the midst of training for marathons. But one day it hit me that I’m not most women- my body was in stress mode and I needed to gain about ten pounds (my lowest body weight ever was scary, and I had no idea until I had to step on the scale at the doctor’s appointment). Despite gaining the ten pounds and refraining from all intense interval training and long runs, I still wasn’t ovulating on my own which was super discouraging and I’d sometimes wonder what the fucking point was. I was upset with my body for not doing what it’s supposed to do. I truly think that all of the shit that happened pre-pregnancy has helped given me a great body image and self confidence during this pregnancy.

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25 weeks.

Don’t get me wrong- I have moments when I look at my arms or thighs and see that they’re not as defined, or my legs or feet or face swell and it’s not pretty, or wonder if my husband really does still think I’m sexy. However, I have a baby inside of me. A fucking baby. The baby I hoped and prayed for and dreamed of for two years, every single day. And although I ate whatever I could tolerate the first 22 weeks or so, now that I don’t have as many bouts of nausea (ironically, as I’m writing this post, I feel super sick), I want to nourish our baby with healthy, wholesome foods. Yes, I ate a small blizzard last night, but I even it out with nutritious meals and snacks as I know she eats what I eat. I’ll be sharing a blog post soon about foods that were great for me the past couple of months!

Also, I’m way out of shape, but going on walks and bike rides and just getting outside can make a huge difference. I’ve mentioned in my pregnancy updates that I do light weights and certain exercises (I don’t know the names of them but my doctor showed me and there are YouTube videos for exercise during pregnancy) to help my core which will hopefully help during birth. I know I’ll get back into shape (but not get to such an unhealthy body weight again!) after she’s born when I’m given the go ahead to start working out again, and I’m embracing my new body.

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26 weeks pregnant. Au natural, haha. I don’t think I’ve posted myself in a bathing suit on social media in years :/

Though I’m still worried, am praying for the rest of the pregnancy and labor and delivery to go well, and just want a healthy baby in my arms, I’m so incredibly content right now. Feeling her kick and play inside of me literally still stops me in my in tracks, and I place my hand on my belly and smile. THAT makes it all worth it- the weight gain, brittle hair and nails, dry skin, bleeding gums, monstrous leaky boobs, fatigue, food aversions- everything.

I’m so glad that I started documenting my belly growth, although I wish I would’ve started around 10 weeks instead of 12. I got the idea from a blog, Simply Summer Ann, but her photos are way better, haha. Nonetheless, it’s a cute way to track the pregnancy and see the changes in a sexy, yet classy way rather than just regular bump pictures in normal clothes.

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Pregnancy is a miraculous thing and I’m not ashamed to embrace it. I may be one of those annoying women that blasts pics on Facebook and Instagram, but I’ve shared our struggles and bad times, so I simply just want to share the good. I will NOT be posting pics of the baby all the time though, and I’m really not sure if I’ll continue on with the blog. We shall see. I’m wanting to start a second Instagram account strictly for baby bump and baby pics, but for some reason I can’t add an account on my iPhone6 which is super annoying. I want the accounts linked to to the same email to make switching over easier, so if anyone knows why the iPhone isn’t able to utilize this feature yet, please let me know! I about whipped my phone across the room last night 😉 Just kidding!

How do you feel about body image and pregnancy?

Did you have a different experience than me?

 

 

Pregnancy Update (Weeks 25 & 26)


I never post these on time- I always switch weeks on Saturdays so I’m actually 27w4d. Oops 😉 I’ve said it before, but the second trimester is going by SO much faster than the first! We had a lot going on during this time- I started the second tri Thanksgiving weekend so the holidays made time go by quickly, but preparing for the move and leaving Texas/getting settled in Arizona seriously made time flash before my eyes. I was scared every single day the first trimester. The fear of another loss consumed me to the point that I didn’t really even want to talk about the pregnancy, and although that apprehension never quite goes away, it has eased up as time has passed. I don’t think I really let my guard down until I was 18/19 weeks, but it’s very common to feel that way after a missed miscarriage (my body was still holding on to the baby when I went in for the D&C at 16 weeks and I still had no signs such as cramping or blood loss). I don’t want to get into the emotional aspect of it too much in this post, so here’s my next biweekly update!

Maternity clothes? Yes to pants, but I can still wear some normal shirts if they’re longer and weren’t skin tight on me normally, haha. Luckily, the weather is getting nice here in Arizona so I can wear maxi skirts and loose dresses as well. It’s been gorgeous out and I’ve even put a swim suit and sat outside with a book a couple of times! I can fit normally into those, except some of the tops are too small.

Stretch marks? Nope!

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Sleep: Sleep has been good! I get up 1-2 times a night to pee but haven’t had issues falling back asleep for the most part. I drink lots of water as it is, but have been trying to chill out before bedtime so I only have to get up once though 😉 I had one or two nights when I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me. Baby things were running through my head- the upcoming trip home and hoping for no dumb drama, the nursery, buying everything we need, hoping everything is okay, etc. Once I DID fall asleep, it was pretty shitty, but oh well 😉

Best moment: I had my glucose test done and I’m happy to report that I passed! I also got news that my pap back in January came back normal which is always a relief when you have a history of precancerous cells (luckily, it’s been five years since an abnormal pap). During week 26, we had our initial appointment with my new OB here, and we both really like him! We also preregistered at the hospital, got a tour of the labor and delivery wing (the hospital is only 14 months old and super nice!), and signed up for classes. They are every Monday from April 4-May 9 and consist of a series of six courses (2 hours each)- each week a different topic is covered. I’m actually really excited!

Miss anything? Not that I can think of…family, but I’m always missing them 🙂

Movement: Yes! I got a little worried during week 24 (the week we were moving/unpacking) because I felt like I didn’t feel her as much. However, the doctor said that babies are just like us- we all have our more active days and lazier days. I’m on my feet a lot (it’s hard for me to sit still unless I’m in super lazy mode or really tired), but I noticed when I take a break or lay down, that’s when she starts kicking around. She’s also more active in the afternoon and at night than earlier in the day. Starting in a week, I just need to ensure that I feel ten movements every 2 hours when she is most active.

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Food cravings: Still nothing crazy. And to be honest, (I’m sure this may get some eye rolls, haha) I “crave” healthy foods. As I’ve mentioned before, my normal sweet tooth pretty much dissipated when morning sickness kicked in and hasn’t made a mad return. I couldn’t even finish my cheesecake that we brought home from the Cheesecake Factory in Tuscon in a few sittings! I do enjoy homemade smoothies (and homemade chocolate banana or chocolate banana peanut butter once in a while) and the occasional treat though.

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Still kind of the same- it’s hit or miss with certain foods that I’ve mentioned before. Mexican food still sounds gross. Light, smaller meals work best, but as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve always been more of a grazer. I HATE the feeling of feeling overly stuffed, especially during the day as it makes me lethargic. With my belly continue to grow, I can’t eat big meals or I feel sick.

Workouts: Walking and biking- leisurely though. Tyler and I are really enjoying Arizona and going on bike rides (he usually goes again after we get done as it’s not enough of a work out for him, haha). I need to get some scenery pics from out here- the mountains look beautiful.

Showing? Yep.

Gender: Girl 🙂

Symptoms: I keep forgetting to mention this, but for the past couple of months, I’ve had a bloody nose every morning. Well, it’s not really a bloody nose- when I blow it, there’s some blood, but I’ve never had a full out nose bleed. Gross, I know. It’s a pregnancy symptom and it doesn’t help that we live in a really dry climate. We need to get a humidifier, but are waiting as we’re getting one for the baby anyways. I’m also starting to get tired more easily. Although I experienced morning sickness longer than many women, I regained a lot of energy starting around 15 weeks. I could really use a nap most days again, but I try to refrain from that so I can sleep well at night. I’m experiencing Braxton Hicks, but I didn’t realize what it was for a while. My stomach will get super tight and I’d think she was flipping over or something, but now I know better 🙂

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Belly button in or out? Flat

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: Happy for the most part! I always get anxious before the doctor appointments, so that’s nothing new. I’m just so incredibly thankful right now. I can have moments of being really sensitive, too.

Looking forward to: Going back home and seeing family and friends!!!! And Tuscon does nonstop flights to Chicago Midway (El Paso didn’t when flying Southwest), so I don’t have to get all butt hurt about connecting flights and layovers 🙂 I’m looking forward to our baby shower out there as well….and the start of the third trimester! Also, we got her bedding in and I started getting wall decor and other stuff for her nursery. Tyler goes back to work soon, and I’m excited to continue working on her nursery and doing little projects!

What’s Going on with Baby: Baby’s ears are more developed and sensitive at 26 weeks, so she can now hear us better. She is inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid which is essential for lung development. She continues to put on fat and measures around 14 inches.

Life Lately- February 2016

I’ve been pretty much just writing solely about pregnancy lately (sorry about that, but I have lots to say about various aspects of it!), and haven’t given an update about what else is going on with us. So that’s what I’m going to do today 🙂

While I’ve done some posts about the military life and deployment, I don’t talk about my husband’s career on here very much. However, he got promoted to Captain back in November and to say I’m super proud of him is an understatement! Once you get Captain, you go to Captain Career Course in whatever branch you’re in. My husband spent his time as a second and first Lieutenant in Field Artillery but will be Military Intelligence for the remainder of his career. Which brings me to our next topic…wemoved to Arizona!

The school he will attend is at a post in Arizona and because the move is a PCS (permanent change of station) versus a TDY (temporary duty station), I was able to go with 🙂 You get a choice of what kind of move you want when you’re in the military- a DITY move which is where you pack everything yourself and move everything yourself then get reimbursed for the cost or a move where the military hires a company to come out and pack up all of your shit then a moving company comes and moves it all for you to your designated location.

We’ve never done and more than likely never will do a DITY move, but I’ve heard a lot of people say they make money off the move by doing it themselves. However, I couldn’t imagine packing our entire house with a full-time job every few months or couple of years. You’re in full control of your belongings as well and some people have had bad experiences with items getting damaged along the way. We’ve had a few pieces of furniture get a little banged up, but nothing crazy. You have to load and unload all of your furniture (I guess a lot of people get their friend to help them; however), but I’m wondering how the heck people unload everything themselves if they don’t know anyone at their next duty station? We have some nice, heavy, big ass furniture that was pretty hard to move, haha. Ive heard some people have to wait a while to get their stuff delivered to their new place, but I don’t see the big deal. It’s not like I’m going to die without my house full of shit for a week or two 😉 Tyler’s done a handful of PCS’s, one even being to Italy, so I guess he’s one of the lucky ones that has never had an issue with packers or movers. Anyways….

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What you have to do for fun when there’s no TV and you’re sleeping on a mattress, haha.

We are LOVING our new location! It’ll be nice to get out of the Southwest one day (we PCS again in September or October- only here for about 8-9 months), but it just feels so much cleaner and prettier out here (sorry El Paso, friends!). It is a much smaller town- slow paced and laid back which just feels so right at this time in our lives. There’s a Target, Walmart, Marshalls, Ross, Hobby Lobby, small mall with a movie theater, Home Depot and Loews, Petsmart and a few chain restaurants (I like local restaurants better, but oh well. We ate out a lot during the moving transition and I’m so over it for a while anyways, haha). I actually like how there are limited shopping options out here and was surprised that there’s a Hobby Lobby which is perfect as there are a few things I want to make for the baby!

I love our neighborhood (there is an HOA so neighbors can’t be complete hillbillies like at our last place!) and we’ve met one set of neighbors that are super nice. Large sidewalks are on the side of the streets and there’s a nature path- we’ve already gone on a few bike rides together and Tyler’s been running. We have a view of the mountains from the back of our house and it’s awesome to look out our bedroom window or sit out on our patio and see such peace 🙂 The dogs are loving it, too. The living room and bedrooms (aside from ours) is carpeted. Our old house was all tile and they seem to like the carpet much better…although I’m anal and vacuum every other day.

View of our entryway. That puzzle of Times Square in that hallway doesn’t match, but we put it together (1000 pieces, FML) right after Tyler got home from his deployment. It was an awesome thing to do to help bond again!

Post is obviously much smaller than Fort Bliss. Fort Bliss may not be in the most ideal area, but it’s pretty bad ass- the common area is new (the PX, commissary, a handful of restaurants and shopping, and movie theater) and I’ve heard there is no other post like it yet as it was the first. I still don’t know my way around post yet but I can’t get any more lost there than I did on Bliss, haha. Some people have asked me over the years why we choose to live off post rather than on. I might write a whole blog entry about it, but for now- we just want to 🙂 We’ve never lived on (well, Tyler did when he was in the barracks years ago, but that’s different), so I’m not saying one is better than the other. However, when Tyler is done with work he wants to be done and not surrounded by all things army. We also like receiving a BAH (basic housing allowance) that goes towards covering the cost of rent or a mortgage. We rented in El Paso and are renting here, but are hoping to purchase a home at our next duty station depending on where it’s at. We don’t use our entire BAH for rent- you have to think about utilities as well so you’re not overspending. You can actually make some money if your living arrangements cost less than what your BAH is. Ok, that’s enough about that. Boring!

What else…Tyler started two more grad school classes last week and only has two more left until he’s done with his Masters! The last two are capstone classes which he’ll have to write a thesis for, so with that, CCC, and a new baby, he’s going to have a busy year! The majority of his grad school classes were covered as well (he’s getting his Masters in Military Intelligence and Management), so that’s pretty damn nice, especially considering that we’re paying a pretty penny on my student loans a month to get them knocked out. He doesn’t like me talking about him regarding this type of stuff, but I’m super proud of him!

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Hot chocolate and iced coffee before exploring Tombstone!

While I’m grateful that I’ve been able to stay home the past few months and continue to do so while the baby is super small, I’m also missing contributing financially and working makes me feel good- like accomplished, if that makes sense. I know it won’t be like this forever, so I’m really trying to take advantage of this time and I know it’ll be amazing once the baby comes. The tentative plan is that I’ll work once we get to our next duty station and the baby will be about 5-6 months old by then which works out perfect!

I think that’s about it. This week we plan on visiting Bisbee (we went to Tombstone and Tuscon last week which was fun!) and getting ready for our trip home. We received out crib and I’ve started a to-do list for after we get home in regards to things I need/want to do before her arrival! Hope everyone has a great week 🙂

Life Lately

It’s been a while since I’ve discussed what’s been going on with us outside of fertility stuff, so today that’s what I’m gonna do 🙂 We actually had quite a busy summer, and it’s been nice that things have calmed down for now.

Despite the craziness, I was actually able to meet my best friend and her family in Colorado for a five days, as I’ve briefly mentioned before. Her and her family have been going to Estes Park for her whole life, and I remember her talking about how much fun it was as a kid, then how beautiful it was as she got older. She didn’t lie, and I could kick myself for not taking more pictures 😦11892220_10153555527352485_2146485962969157048_n

My last day at the company I was employed with was on Saturday (I worked in retail management- NOT what I went to school for, but my after 5 months of job searching early last year, I realized that I couldn’t be that picky here in West Texas). Yes, it was a paycheck (you actually have to have a Bachelor’s degree to have a management position within the company) and experience to put on my resume. However, going through IVF and working full-time at a job where you literally do not sit down unless you’re on conference call just didn’t seem very wise. Plus, holiday season will be approaching us in a matter of weeks, huge updates will be taking place meaning overnight shifts, and everything is blacked out until January so no PTO could be taken. Not to mention the stress from asshole customers on top of being overly hormonal…It seems like I’m justifying my decision and perhaps I am in a way. I don’t want to be frowned upon and thought of as being lazy or criticized for being a stay-at-home wife for a while. I feel bad having my husband be the sole financial provider for the time being. But we both want to grow our family more than anything, and we want to look back knowing we did everything possible to reduce stress and not ever wonder “what if”.

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Saying hi to hubby…Yes, this is work attire 😉

Moving on…Tyler comes home from the field today! He has only been for 3 weeks but this one dragged complete ass, although I quickly became Wrigley’s favorite again so he better continue knowing who’s boss when his daddy gets home. Tyler has a four day weekend so we’re hoping to see a few movies that are out and a I have a little list of errands we need to run together, haha. Hopefully he’s home for the rest of the year!

Tyler will be having surgery on his shoulder on October 29. He has a labrum tear that happened like two years ago (yeah I know…), but he didn’t know how bad it was. When he unexpected deployed, he obviously didn’t have it looked at and once he did when he got home they had him do a few months of physical therapy which was a joke. Hopefully everything goes well! I’ll be playing Nurse Kim for a while which should be interesting 😉

That’s about it! I started acupuncture yesterday so that’s exciting. I dozed off while listening to rainfall meditation music which was quite relaxing until something in the room made a noise and I seriously think I jumped three feet in the air. I plan on really deep cleaning the house and organizing/getting rid of old shit over the next several weeks, trying and creating new recipes to add to our rotation, taking Wrigley on daily walks, and investing time into learning about and using the camera we for Christmas. I know I’ll have no trouble filling up my days, but I like having a routine, so it may take a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things 🙂

Hope everyone has a great week!

 

 

Everybody Hurts….Sometimes

I’ve had bouts of depression and anxiety since high school (maybe longer, but it was at that time that I realized that something wasn’t right). There, I said it. Now I don’t want to act like it’s been absolutely horrible because that’s certainly not the case, but it’s affected me and probably some relationships in my life at some point (and perhaps, still is). Before I go any further, I want to say that I’m obviously no psychologist or therapist, but I’ve seen a handful over the past fifteen years or so. I’ve truly analyzed their perspectives and have taken what they’ve said into consideration. This post is obviously about our path of loss and infertility and how it can be linked with depression and anxiety. However,  it can be related to other difficult situations we may encounter throughout our lives.

****If your depression ever gets too deep and you have thoughts of suicide, PLEASE get help. One such number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

We found out about the miscarriage on September 10, 2015. I mentioned many times before that I numbed myself from the pain for many months and used school, working out, and taking on DIY projects and crafts to keep myself busy. Sure, I had days where I didn’t want to get out of bed or times when I cried in the shower, but I made myself switch gears to the “not feeling” mode. It was when we learned that Tyler was going to be deployed within a matter of two weeks in July 2014 that I broke down inside.

I blogged here and there throughout his deployment about military life and gave updates on how my testing and cycles were going. I did open up in some of the posts, but I didn’t discuss how I was really feeling. You see, I’m an open book when it comes to many things in life, but I have trouble talking about my own feelings and feel as though it’s too personal for me. I also don’t like attention, so I tried telling myself that everything was okay. It wasn’t.

While I never had thoughts of hurting myself or suicide (and thankfully, I never have), I was in a really dark place. I finally allowed myself to feel everything I was holding within. And it wasn’t good.

  • The anger about the miscarriage. I was flat out pissed off that our joy was stolen from us out of nowhere. We heard the baby’s heartbeat twice, and I grew connected to him/her which later on I felt so absolutely foolish about.

 

  • The frustration of time. We had been trying again for 8 months before Tyler deployed. So many people told me that women are more fertile after a miscarriage and/or D&C. Well, what the fuck was wrong with me? Then, my husband leaves for 9 months to a war-zone. Nine months is the length of a school year. The duration of a pregnancy. I was frustrated because we were at a standstill, and my anxiety was sky high as I was worried every day for Tyler’s safety. I thought it was cruel of the universe to have us endure the miscarriage, trouble trying to conceive again, then allow a deployment.

 

  • I didn’t feel strong AT ALL. I’d hear it all the time. “You’re so strong” or “How do you do it?” or “I’d never be able to do it”. Ironically, that year was probably the weakest I had ever been in my entire life. More tears were shed, more alcoholic beverages were consumed (this does NOT help depression and anxiety at all, I know that), and more emotions took over me than ever before. However, I hid it. I was fine at work (in fact, probably more than fine)- I put a smile on my face, did what I had to do, and learned a lot, but behind closed doors in my own home was another story.

 

  • Resentfulness. Once my emotions were unleashed and my misery surfaced, I felt resentful towards family and friends that seemed like they didn’t care. Some may say this is selfish, but when you quickly do a downward spiral, you aren’t thinking very clearly or logically. I mean, I knew the whole world wasn’t going to come to a complete halt because Kim felt sad- I’m not an idiot. And if anyone asked how I was doing, you better believe 9 times out of 10 I said okay or good, so how the hell would anyone even know? My mom, aunt, and best friend knew, but they know me. Often times when you over analyze things too much, you create problems that weren’t even there to begin with. Perhaps this is what I did, but I remember thinking, “What is the point of having relationships if people aren’t there in time of need? Losing the baby, month after month of trying and tests, and now husband is across the world and I’m alone in Texas”. Dramatic, I know 😉 But it’s how I felt, and I’m not going to be ashamed about it anymore.

 

  • Jealousy. It is one of the ugliest feelings, yet I felt it often. When I first started working at my job, I’d feel it all the time as children are around a lot. I’d look at their parents and think, “Are you fucking kidding me? How did these dopes get blessed with a kid and we can’t?”. I’m not sure how it happened, but a few months before Tyler got home, I suddenly stopped being jealous and simply thought about how damn cute (or annoying) they were. Social media is another monster in itself. Some people don’t see the big hairy deal about social media and why people get all bent about it. If you’re one of those people, good for you. But back then, I’d think, “This isn’t Facebook- this is freaking Babybook”.

Pregnancy and birth announcements flooded my feed. Before I go any further, let me get one thing clear: Although these announcements put me in tears (or a sob fest depending on how stable I was that day), I was always, and always will be, genuinely happy for the couple. I may have not been doing well myself, but I’d never wish ill upon others. I truly believe that many people are naive to how seeing the announcements (or statuses bitching about pregnancy all the time. It’s one thing to vent once in a while, and believe me- I want to hear about experiences in late pregnancy. Or holding their belly in every.single flipping.photo- it’s like women thing it’s going to fall off or something for Pete’s sake) can be a trigger. If one has only experienced falling pregnant easily and have a happy, healthy pregnancy, they don’t know any better!

The point is, I felt all of these things while wishing away my days so I could just feel my husband in my arms again. Women’s belly’s and families were growing while my goal was to just try to function like a normal human being in public. I told my doctor about how I was feeling in the midst of it all, and she prescribed me the lowest dose of Zoloft. I took it for a couple of months, but I didn’t really feel any differently and didn’t want to increase my dosage (don’t ask me why).

After my husband returned and we took a trip home, I called Military One Source to get in touch with a therapist in the area. Military One Source offers support to the military community, and one of the benefits they offer is counseling for pretty much anything! I knew that I still wasn’t myself and I realized that while being back in the Midwest. I was connected with a lady here in Texas and did six sessions (you get 12 for free for each circumstance. I also did 12 sessions when we first moved here). Honestly, it was hard with my work schedule and her schedule to fit in sessions, but as I mentioned earlier in this post, this lady opened my eyes to why I feel or act certain ways.

I’ve also learned that instead of trying to fight the situations in life that you can’t control- you MUST come to peace with them. You cannot control other people’s action’s, but you can certainly control how you react to them. This concept is obviously way easier said that done, haha. I’ve had my fair share of outbursts, but I’m getting better at accepting the person or the situation at it is. It’s a work in progress 😉

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Estes Park. So thankful my BFF asked me to join her on this trip.

One more thing I should mention- I was never very religious which you can read about HERE. I started really thinking about religion in June, and it wasn’t until I went to Colorado with my best friend in August that I started opening my heart up to it more. I don’t have to be super religious and go to church every Sunday to have faith. I know some people that are like that but are actually complete turds in real life. We see that type of shit on the news as well. I’m not going to discuss now as there will be another post about this topic, but it’s something I wanted to touch on briefly as it’s also slowly helped bring me a sense of peace. And I don’t get annoyed anymore when people say that they’re praying for us. Instead, I truly believe it and appreciate the fact that they care so much about us to do so (my hubby’s view on religion is the same though! haha).

This post was hard for me to write as it took me back to some dark days and disagreements I had with others. Depression and anxiety can be so incredibly consuming, no matter how good you think you’re hiding it. A smile only goes so far, and those that know you best or are closest to you will recognize that behind it are tears…Know that it’s okay to feel the way you do, but remember- you have to help yourself instead of solely relying on others to help you 🙂

Why I can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

Throughout the past two years, I’ve been asked a couple of times (honestly I think it’s like twice, haha) why I blog which was mostly pertaining to infertility stuff. As I mentioned before, I didn’t really know what the heck I was doing when I started blogging, and honestly, I still absolutely suck at the technical side of it all (if anyone wants to help, PLEASE  let me know. I don’t know how to change anything! We’ll be best friends 😉 jk). When I got pregnant, I thought, “Alright, cool. I’m going to document this so family and friends across the country and world can kind of watch it all”. When things didn’t go as planned, I didn’t know what to do with myself, the blog- pretty much anything. I was at a standstill, and quite frankly, I was embarrassed and ashamed that we had announced our pregnancy when we did at 10 weeks (four weeks later we found out we lost the baby at a routine ultrasound).

Since our Facebook friends and family knew about us expecting, I was afraid that we’d be asked how I/the baby was doing and I knew it would be weird to some as to why I hadn’t given any updates or posted any photos (I’m sure I have a lot of creepers, haha). I mean, people would probably eventually realize why, but I’ve learned that there are a lot of dumb asses in the world so you never know 😉 We decided that I’d write a Facebook status just giving a general idea of our loss. And you know what? The out pour of support I got was amazing. Instead of crying tears of sorrow, I cried because I felt less alone and cared for, by many of whom weren’t even “friends” or family!

Those texts, phone calls, and messages were huge contributors as to why I didn’t do a complete nose dive. People (even a few guys!) that I hadn’t talked to in years sent well wishes, and many shared their stories about their personal losses as well. They made me realize just how many of us suffer from miscarriages or infertility but keep it to themselves. That is totally okay, but I’d go freaking crazy. Perhaps part of the reason why is because we’re here in Texas and I’m nowhere near my close family and friends, so besides Tyler and our dogs, I don’t have anyone. But there’s another explanation….

I kept a diary in elementary school. It went a little like this:

“Dear Diary,

Today I wore bright purple shorts, and white shirt, and a flowered vest. I slicked my hair back (a girl asked me one time if I used cement to push it back, but nope, it was just a shit ton of hair spray) and wore white shoes. I got my braces tightened yesterday and my teeth really hurt. My friends and I didn’t fight today, and [insert the boy I liked that week here] didn’t talk to me AT ALL. BOO 😦 Maybe tomorrow will be my lucky day! After school I did my homework, played outside, ate spaghetti, and watched Mrs. Doubtfire with my brother tonight.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Love, Kim”

I actually have them all and they’re hilarious to read. Then, In 7th/8th grade, I started to keep a journal. It was pretty much a diary with poems scattered throughout. I was pretty effing deep as a 13 year old 😉 This continued on until the middle/end of my junior year when I stopped completely, but resumed after I graduated high school (my lost or floundering years, haha).

You see, I’ve always loved to write as I like to express my feelings and my truths. Blogging became an outlet to do so. I must mention, I tried keeping another handwritten journal about a year ago which lasted a whole two days as typing is a billion times faster and my hand got super tired 😦

So this is my objective throughout our journey- I hope to become more actively involved in the infertility community. I hope my posts reach those that are struggling, have experienced a loss, or that know someone who is. I’m sure that it has to be difficult and awkward to watch your daughter, sister, friend- whatever- be on a roller coaster of emotions. I want to go beyond the blog, whether it’s in other virtual communities or in my own here in Texas. Infertility and loss is hard enough in itself, but being a military spouse can sometimes add a few more obstacles to it (I’ll be writing more about this soon). My intentions of blogging may be selfish as I want to express my feelings while taking note of what’s up throughout our journey, but I also truly want to give back. There are people out there that knows what it feels like- you are not alone.

So peeps, THAT is why I can’t keep my mouth shut 🙂

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That’s what we got to say about that 😉

 

Behind The Scenes

A few days ago, THIS article popped up on my Newsfeed on Facebook. It was posted on one of the many infertility groups that I’m a member of (not necessarily active- it’s nice to feel less alone), and intrigued me so I clicked on it. Please- read this article. I know that everyone goes through difficult times in life whether it be an illness, death, divorce, job loss, depression, or just a sudden crisis. However, this post not only greatly illustrates what a hidden subject infertility is, but how couples often mask the roller-coaster emotions of sadness, hope and despair, and heartache.

This post is opening up some [mended] wounds, but it’s something I wanted to share. It’s been two years since our loss, and though we’ve gotten some answers and a plan set in place, our dreams still are not fulfilled. I’ve put together some photos or thoughts of things we have gone though.

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El Paso Zoo. August 30, 2013.

The photo above is when I was 12/13 weeks pregnant. Obviously my tata’s liked the pregnancy hormones a lot (I went up an entire cup size in a matter of weeks)…Anyways, Tyler planned a date day and took us to the zoo and then to Babies R Us where we started our registry. He was leaving for the field in a few weeks and wouldn’t be back until mid November, so starting it together was important to us. Looking back, it was such a fun and satisfying day, but after we found out about our loss, I couldn’t look at these photos as I knew we had lost the baby around this time or a couple of days prior.

 

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September 2013.

Tyler LOVES the Chicago Bears. We don’t get all of the games down here in Texas, so Tyler bought me a Bears shirt (Amazon!) and we’d go to Pizza Hut down the road to watch. Two days after this photo was taken, we’d find out that we’d miscarried. Every Sunday after that, I’d order a beer while I did my homework and tried to smile and root for our home team.

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On Tuesday, September 10, 2013, TJ and I headed over the the Mendoza Clinic on East Bliss to get an ultrasound done (separately- he had to go to work after) . You can read about our story HERE. What I didn’t write about is how I only told my mom (and asked her to tell the family) and my best friend what had happened. That Tyler got off his work day to come home with me, and that I laid in bed next to him for 18 hours going through intervals of crying and sleeping in his arms. That I woke up the next morning pissed off and insisted he went to work as I went to class. I wore a Chicago Cubs baseball hat and my glasses the next couple of weeks to help disguise my puffy eyes.

601526_10102861679573128_83870456_nI took the photo above on my way to class one day a few weeks after. It was a crisp Fall day which isn’t very common in West Texas, but the view was absolutely beautiful. It was then that I promised myself that I wouldn’t allow myself fall into the deep hole of depression that I had one foot wallowing in…and that I might be an old graduate, but I was gonna rock the fuck out of the last semester. And I did… but perhaps it was for the wrong reasons.

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 1240234_10102846395662208_1893510720_nThe photo above shows me happily cuddling with Wrigley and potentially studying. I posted this five days after we received the news (no one knew publicly yet) and I still had not had a D&C (it would take another week and a half- ridiculous). I’d come home from class, do any homework, essays, or study, then shower and change and lay in bed the rest of the night. Wriggles must’ve sensed my sadness as he laid with me all the time.

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My beautiful mom and me 🙂

December 2013. Tyler and I went home to Indiana for 10 days for Christmas. Based on my OPK’s, I was ovulating a few days before we left (which ended up being a freaking joke as my blood tests showed I had not ovulated but my LH surged enough to cause positive tests). You need to get at it before ovulation because once you drop an egg, you’re dunzo for the month. Long story short, I ended up having a 30 day cycle and starting my period on Christmas Day. With his family. And I just wanted to lay in bed all day, but I had to act strong- like everything was normal. The only thing that brought me comfort was staying at my moms, which isn’t a great thing when you’re married & visiting family. I told Tyler earlier that month that the only thing I wanted for Christmas was a baby…

Two weeks later, while blowing out my birthday candles, I made the same wish. Neither came true.

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 May 2015. Tyler and I went home for 7 days a month after he came back from Afghanistan. I had gone home in October and January for long weekends when he was deployed, but he had not seen his family since Christmas 2013.  I mentioned multiple times for him to go home solo, but he wouldn’t budge and insisted on me going with. This was a huge mistake, and the moment we stepped foot onto Midway airport when we were flying back to Texas was when I vowed to myself that I’d go with my gut from that day forth.

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My mom’s place and my uncle and aunt’s home are where I find true comfort and belonging.

You see, a few months prior, my dad and his girlfriend planned to throw a little party for him and his safe arrival home. They even contacted my mom to be a part of the planning, and they both worked together to iron out the details of food preparations, decorations, and inviting family and friends from both of their sides. We didn’t have a wedding, so this was BIG for me. Many family members had not met Tyler before, and a few even traveled 3 hours just to attend! However, I was full of anxiety the whole morning while getting ready and going to my dads.

It didn’t help that I was on Femara that month, but I had gotten my period the night before- and it was FULL on. Come to find out, my progesterone was the highest ever recorded thus far, so no wonder why I was a ball of hormones the whole week we were home to visit.

So, I ended up getting pretty drunk. I was stressed and upset and wanted to let go that day. Doing that the night before an early morning flight wasn’t very smart, but lesson learned 😦  Anyways, I asked Tyler to come back after he visited family again….but this was not well received upon some, and I may be deemed selfish. There aren’t any photos of us together during this trip home which is pretty sad. Things may not be what they used to be, but we pushed through it together.

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11811332_10105336307683558_3626875895279024983_nSecond failed round of Femara above. I cried and showered, then got ready. We had the day off together and went to the movies, Blockbuster (get used DVDs and BluRays for cheap!), and lunch, then went home to have wine and make dinner together. I laid in bed that night laughing, joking, and watching movies with my Big, but thoughts of when we’d hold a baby in our arms still entered my mind.

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You see, there is more to life than what is shared on a Facebook status, Tweet, or Instagram photo. We post statuses that portray how awesome our lives are or pictures that show happy times or when we think we look good. I’m by no means saying we should all start airing out our dirty laundry. I don’t want to read negative shit all of the time, but I want people to just be freaking real.  I’d get sucked into such a failure mode sometimes that I’d ask Tyler if it upsets him that his exes and friends all have a kid(s). His answer is always the same….Never- and I’m his baby mama that he was destined to be with, and he didn’t choose them for a reason 😉

So please, be gentle and kind to people, especially if they have opened up about their struggles. There are always two sides to every story or picture. If you’re reading this and feel lost- message me. One of the many things I’ve learned is how important and comforting it is to have someone to talk to when you’re feeling down. I won’t have all of the answers, but I’ll certainly try to make you smile 🙂

Changes on the Blog

Over the past several months, I’ve debated whether or not I should shut my site down all together or continue on. I’ve been super sporadic, pretty much only posting fertility updates (or perhaps I should be calling them infertility updates? Whatever- you know what I mean!). After spending some time thinking about what I want out of my life, I decided to keep on…and go further 🙂

When I first started blogging, I thought that my blog needed a niche. It overwhelmed and discouraged me as I truly didn’t feel that I fit in anywhere. I wasn’t a healthy lifestyle blogger despite eating and creating healthy meals for my husband and I and exercising. I wasn’t a fashion blogger because I like the sale/clearance rack and get more excited about cute work out clothes (although a few good pairs of nice fitting jeans are a must. And I love shoes!). I wasn’t a mommy blogger because I’m not a mom.

Writing about the miscarriage was therapeutic for me. Months of trying to conceive turned into two years (with a deployment thrown in there). THAT became what I was passionate about- being a military wife trying to overcome infertility, molding a career for myself in a border city, and dealing with a deployment.

 

Cheers to this 🙂

I realized that I don’t need a niche. I’m not doing this for anyone but myself, although connecting with many amazing women along the way has been awesome! Friendships have been created or resurfaced because of this little space of mine, and it honestly got me through one of the darkest times of my life.

So here’s my plan.

  • I’ve been asked on several occasions for recipes for photos that I’ve posted of meals (or smoothies!) that I’ve made. I will be posting a healthy recipe of some sort once a week.
  • I plan on discussing something that I either come across online or that I’m going through with infertility or IVF once a week. I want to share knowledge that I’ve gained because I know how shitty it can be, especially if you’re at a military installation that doesn’t have great treatment in this department.
  • This is more for me, but I want to give a recap of our week or weekend to look back on. I have a 3 year gratitude book where you have a few lines to scribble a few sentences about your day. I don’t know how the eff this is so hard for me to do, but I tend to do it once a week at most and end up scratching my head about what the hell happened that day. I think a quick weekly post about this will help in that department 🙂

 

I also want to share some of my DIY projects, crafts, or inexpensive small renovations, but I’m not planning on dedicated weekly posts to this. However, I have a few cute things I’ve done and I’m definitely going to let you in on them!

Great quote, but my dreams have been redonk lately and about dinosaurs- not about hope. WTF :/

This change will take place over the next few weeks, so it won’t be sudden 🙂 Another thing- I tend to have a bad mouth and write as I would speak. This can be a good and bad thing. I try to find a happy medium between the two- I don’t want to deny who I am and try to act all proper, but then again I don’t want to sound like a white trash sailor.

I hope the rest of the week treats you all well. Luckily, I’m off tonight (although tomorrow night at work may be a beast), and I’m looking forward to some Monday night football and homemade cheeseburgers grilled my hubby (93% lean grass-fed, no antibiotic/hormone) and baked sweet potato fries and green beans compliments of moi 😉 He leaves again tomorrow which sucks a huge one 😦 Have a great night!

 

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes….IVF ????

Well, after a meeting with our GYN here back in June, then having two consultations with different Reproductive Endocrinologists in the Phoenix area, we have ultimately decided to move forward and plan on doing IVF (in vitro fertilization). We will also be doing ICSI (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection) and more than likely PGS (preimplantation genetic screening) with it. I’ll briefly explain what are three procedures are, then answer a few questions that I have been asked.

IVF- Basically, it’s the process of taking the women’s eggs that she produces out of her body with a long needle and putting them into a lab dish with sperm in hopes that they will combine, then transferring an embryo (or embryos) back into a woman’s body. Now it’s much more complicated that that, haha. There are various protocols for different doctors, but a women is typically on birth control from 2-3 weeks to shut down her ovaries and control her cycle. A few days after the last pill is taken, she should have menstrual cycle (I was told it could be very light), and then monitoring via ultrasound and blood work begins as she starts on medication. Injections are then added to the mix to help produce lots of eggs.  The woman is usually put under during the retrieval of the eggs.

You can either do a fresh or frozen cycle. If it’s fresh, the embryos are put back inside 3-5 days after the retrieval. If it’s frozen, you don’t do the transfer until the following cycle. I’ve heard that more and more doctor’s are doing frozen cycles as they are more successful overall (this is what both of the RE’s we spoke with do), but there’s obvious success with both. The woman is NOT put out during the transfer, but is supposed to take it easy for a few days (and sometimes even be on bed rest) in hopes that implantation will occur.

ICSI- ICSI is simply used in combination with IVF. The meds and montoring are done the same way, but after the retrieval, the embryologist actually directly injects a sperm into an egg instead of just hoping they will combine in the lab dish. This is more effective when you have a male factor involved (as we do) or if the woman does not produce many eggs. Yes, it costs extra, but it’s obviously worth it!

PGS- This is a screening that is sometimes controversial.One or more cells are removed from each embryo to check for any chromosomal abnormalities. When an embryo has a chromosomal abnormality, there is a high chance that it will not implant; thus, the IVF cycle will obviously fail. However, it if does implant, it will often times lead to miscarriage. There’s the whole debate between people on how embryos are already considered a form of life and shouldn’t be messed with. I’m not here to discuss this issue. At first I didn’t think twice about this screening as it’s pretty pricey (about $3,000-$5,000 extra on top of the IVF/ICSI), but Tyler was all for it as it will decrease our risk of miscarriage and increase our chances of a live birth. Only embryos that pass the screening will be transferred back into me.

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Had to insert this little prom pose photo from the ball in July to break up the text, haha.

Hopefully that makes things a bit more understandable about the process 🙂 You can read about why we chose to go the IVF route HERE.

I’ll save our tentative plan for next time, but here’s a few questions that I’ve been asked lately:

 

Does your insurance cover it? No, Tricare does not cover IUI or IVF. Basically, anything that is not being done in conjunction with timed intercourse isn’t covered. However, there are a few military bases across the country that do these procedures at a discounted rate. The closest one to us is in San Antonio, and I was actually referred there by my GYN but was denied as they were not accepting new patients then. There are a few reasons why we chose not to go to a military hospital that offers treatment. First of all, you have to be there for about 3 weeks total. That’s a long ass time and you obviously have to pay for travel and lodging expenses. Tyler wouldn’t need to be there the whole time with me, but still. Secondly, each hospital does the IVF in clusters and they only do the cycles 3-4 times a year. I understand the concept to it, but what the hell. Also, they do fresh cycles and do not do the PGS. So there’s that 🙂

Hopefully this is true 🙂

Where will you be doing this? I spent weeks researching RE’s in the Southwest cities that are within driving distance from El Paso and Fort Huachuca, AZ- Albuquerque, Tuscan, and Phoenix. I looked into Colorado Springs, but that’s almost 12 hours from Huachuca and that would be God awful sitting in a car for that long feeling like shit on stims or sick after the retrieval. Plus, I need to be able to do this drive on my own if need be, and I ain’t driving that far 😉 After viewing websites and reviews, I found a few doctor’s in Phoenix that caught my eye and narrowed it down to two. The facility we are doing this at is in Gilbert, AZ- and the ironic part is that the building is literally right next door to the apartments I lived in back in 2008/2009. Like I could see my old balcony from the office, haha.

We dropped off our medical records before we met with another RE in early August and were both highly impressed with the facility, New Direction Fertility. After a mix-up about a phone consultation two weeks ago, we were able to rescheduled for last Friday night. Tyler and I spoke with the doctor on speaker phone, and he answered everything thoroughly and then some. This doctor was the only one that found that I have elevated AMH levels which is a sign of PCOS. I have been told for almost two years that I don’t have PCOS (no multiple cysts, no facial hair, high testosterone levels, not overweight, not resistant to insulin), but elevated AMH levels can make it more difficult to conceive. My AMH was 7.62ng/ML, so while it’s nothing out of this world, it’s not within normal range for my age.

The doc also seems to work well with out-of-state patients making it as easy as possible. IVF is a very time consuming, emotional and physically challenging procedure, so anything that will help me understand and relax is appreciated. Him and his wife suffered from infertility and they now have two sets of twins from IVF which he did himself!

Why are you going straight to IVF and not going to attempt IUI first? I mentioned that in my previous post, but to be more specific, it’s due to success rates and finances. The RE we are seeing does IUI’s for a pretty good price and said he thinks we could get pregnant in 3-4 rounds of it. Key word is “thinks”. While we know that IVF is not a sure thing, the chances of success are about 70-75% (with PGS) compared to the 7% with IUI. We also had to think about traveling to Phoenix for each round and the emotional stress of it. Plus, IUI might not work and then we would proceed to IVF so we’d be paying more in the long run.

Lmao. This should be interesting as I was such a treat on Clomid :/

That’s all I’ve got for now, but please don’t hesitate to ask any questions! 🙂 Also, I understand that everyone has their own different views and opinions not only about advanced reproductive procedures, but about our journey as well. While I’m willing to discuss it all as I know it’s a sensitive, taboo, and sometimes embarrassing or shameful topic, I just want it to be known that it’s still hard for me to wrap my mind around it all. We are more than ready for the next chapter in our lives (not just meaning pregnancy and parenthood), and I’m both scared and excited about what the next several months will hold for us 🙂