A Look Back at 2016

I have to admit, though I stepped away from my blog earlier this year, I miss writing out my thoughts once in a while. I know I could easily utilize a personal journal, but it’s sometimes nice to share things with others. However, I’ve reached a point in my life where I really don’t have too much to say and I’ve become much more private. I’m a different person than I was when I created this little space, and while I’m happy knowing that I’ve evolved, sometimes you just outgrow things, ya know? I went back and forth with this as I was leaning towards giving blogging another go this past summer- I even purchased a new domain in my name, lol. I had plans of sharing posts about parenthood and military life- mostly just tips and tricks that I’ve learned along the way. After brainstorming and outlining a ton of potential posts, I woke up one morning and decided I had absolutely no desire to do this, haha. I truly do think our society is too caught up in social media and I sometimes want to delete my Facebook and Instagram accounts and completely live off the map. I’m not making excuses, but honestly, if I lived in my hometown I really think I’d do this because I’d see family and friends much more often.

Though I think social media is absolutely ridiculous with all the filters people use, the bullshit they post to make themselves feel important or better about themselves, and the drama it creates, it actually helps me stay connected with those I care about most. I’m NOT much of a social person- I can make myself be in a professional environment or when it’s mandatory, but I’m quite content with my small circle of friends and family 🙂 Regardless, it’s cool (and sometimes appalling, haha) to look back on old posts and see what was going on in my life at certain times, and today I want to write the highlights of each month during 2016. It was an amazing year and I don’t want to forget it!

January-  I celebrated my 30th birthday being 20 weeks pregnant! Tyler and I took photos announcing that our rainbow baby was a GIRL and shared those a few days later. We had known since early November and keeping it between us for two months was hard but exciting!. On my birthday, we went out to breakfast at one of my favorite restaurants in El Paso, Ripe, then stopped at Babies R Us on our way home. I bought the cutest outfit for Savannah that I thought we’d take her home in, but baby girl ended up being a tiny little thing and it didn’t fit her until she was two months old, haha. Later that afternoon, we went to the movies to see The Reverent and I ate a big ass pretzel with cheese…my favorite! 😉

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February- We said goodbye to El Paso after living there for over 3.5 years and PCSed to Arizona! Luckily, this move was only 5 hours away. I was still suffering from morning (all day) sickness at this time and I vividly remember laying on the mattress in our spare room feeling so nauseous while the packers packed up all of our stuff, haha. We thought this move was only going to be for seven months, but Tyler was offered an amazing opportunity that extended our stay to a full year as he had to attend an additional school for it here. Most of this month consisted of unpacking and organizing, having a garage sale, and learning our way around our new town and surrounding areas.

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March- We flew home to see family and friends and celebrate our new addition. We had our baby shower and it was a fun and relaxing week. We celebrated Tyler’s 33rd birthday and I finally felt great most of the time- my morning sickness finally subsided! Since the Cubs have their Spring Training in Mesa, we couldn’t leave the state without going to another game. Fun fact: we went to a Spring Training game a few years ago when the Cubbies played the Kansas City Royals who ended up winning the World Series that year. This year, the game we went to was at Goodyear Ballpark where they played the Cleveland Indians…and they both went on to play in the championship game against each other!

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April- April was filled with DIY projects and getting the nursery ready. I took a photography class that was offered on post to learn how to use our Nikon better….which I have yet to use consistently 😉 I was starting to feel quite pregnant by then, but I went on daily walks and spent most of my day relaxing and going through ALL of our shit, purging a ton, and reorganizing literally every closet, cabinet, and drawer in the house. It felt so good! We also had quite a few scares this month and I started having contractions regularly, so I was told to take it easy.

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May- The absolute BEST month of the year! Savannah Claire arrived on May 24 at 1:30 A.M. after just 3 hours of labor! You can read all about her birth story HERE. I’ve never been so ecstatic and scared in my entire life, haha.

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June- This month flew by in a complete blur. My mom flew in a week after Savannah was born and was a tremendous help. I was so sleep deprived and my hormones were out of this world…it was such a surreal time. My brother and sister visited at the end of the month, and things were a little better then, but we were still learning Savannah’s cues and what the hell to do. We took Savannah to Coronado National Memorial with my mom and Tombstone with my brother and sister which was fun!

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July- Tyler’s parents and sister and family visited. I started real estate classes at the beginning of the month (Anna was just six weeks old!) and was gone three nights a week. This month honestly flew by and I don’t remember much of it…still sleep deprived and hormones trying to balance out 😉 We learned at the end of the month that we will be PCSing to Alabama in February. I was a bit hesitant about this first- I mean, Alabama?? haha- but I know now those were ignorant thoughts. This opportunity is amazing for Tyler’s career which is most important. Plus, we will only be nine hours from home! Unless we’re stationed at Campbell or Knox (very unlikely) one day, we will never be closer to home again.

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August- Finally feel like I’m starting to get the hang of things a bit! I started really putting the baby on a schedule at the beginning of the month and it helped SO much! I finished up real estate classes the end of August. Although I plan on obtaining my Alabama license as well, I have no idea if I’ll actually end up dabbling in real estate (this is a topic for another time, but 2017 will be devoted to more time focusing on myself and my career endeavors). I want to be home with Savannah as much as possible until she’s a few years old, so I’m not sure if a full-time job is right…but I also want a consistent paycheck and a routine schedule, whereas you don’t have that in real estate. Plus, I won’t know the new area AT ALL which is huge- no one is gonna want to work with an agent who’s only lived there a few months, haha. Ok, I’m rambling!

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September- This was a busy yet great month! Tyler graduated from Captain Career Course- SO proud of him! It was a short but sweet ceremony and such a great moment being there with him while holding our daughter. My dad and his girlfriend came to visit us a few days later. We went out to eat a few times, showed them around post, and visited Tombstone again. My dad has been talking about Tombstone for years, so it was awesome to have the chance to take him there. He also took Savannah swimming for the very first time! It was so cute and I’ll always remember it 🙂 A few days after they left, Tyler randomly decided that we were going to take a quick trip to see the Grand Canyon. He had been there a few times before but I hadn’t, and I’d been asking him to take me ever since moving out west over four years ago. I’m glad we waited though- it was cool to visit for the first time with Savannah. She did great on the 6-7 hour car ride, and after driving around the canyon for a bit and taking some photos, we headed back down to Flagstaff for the night. It was a quick, yet memorable trip!

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October- This month was relaxing and low-key. Tyler was working long hours due to his new class and we didn’t do much which was fine by me. Savannah was Cheer Bear for Halloween (I love me some Care Bears) and I made her little costume!

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November- I flew home the first week of November. Tyler was still working really long hours and family missed Savannah, so it was great to get away for it bit. She did better than I expected on the three hour plane ride and time change, but was super weary of everyone at first. I felt so bad because she just wanted me, but Tyler and I are all she really knows- and I’m her mommy! She did lighten up as the days went on, but I’m really hoping she will start opening up as she starts seeing family and friends more often once we move. Anyways, it was a great time and I loved seeing everyone get to meet her! We celebrated Thanksgiving at home and Wrigley’s fourth birthday a few days later.

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December- This month has been spent preparing for my upcoming visit to Alabama to pick out our new home (exciting yet terrifying to finally buy!) and getting things ready for the move. Tyler has luckily had a ton of short work days/time off because of the holidays, and while we sometimes too much time together can be a bad thing for us (just being honest, haha), it’s been quite nice! He didn’t want me vocalizing this as he hates attention, but he finished graduate school a few weeks ago. I’m incredibly proud of this man. I have met very few people who are as motivated and determined as he is (not to mention intelligent, financially savvy, and hot!)- he finished his degree in just over two years and was deployed during one of them 🙂 We took Savannah to see Santa Claus for the first time and she could have cared less and had a really relaxing Christmas with just the three of us!

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I don’t want it to seem like 2016 was all rainbows and butterflies because that’s definitely not the case. We’ve had some health issues that touched our family and friends. We had arguments and really low times. I had bad postpartum anxiety and finally sought help in November for it. My depression came back, but I don’t want to say it was postpartum depression because it’s something I have struggled with off and on for years, and I believed it has stemmed from figuring out who I am. Yes, I’m a wife, a mommy, a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc., but there is still something missing in my life and I was/am having a hard time with being a stay at home wife/mom. Don’t get me wrong- I’m extremely grateful that we can live comfortably off of Tyler’s income (I know some people complain about soldiers’ pay, but there are many benefits of being active duty, including the health insurance coverage!).

I want to stay at home with Savannah during her first two years or so. We don’t know if we will have any more children and I know I would regret finding full-time work when she’s so young- I LOVE being the one that’s with her all day and I’ve waited for these moments for a while. At the same time, I don’t want to be out of the workforce for too long and I want to find a career that motivates me. I’m in no way knocking women who’s only desire was to be a stay at home mom or those that worked full-time their children’s entire lives- to each their own. I hope to really focus on myself this upcoming year and find a balance personally and professionally. I never wanted to “depend” on a man financially, and that’s what I’ve been doing and it’s scary to me. While I hope things always remain the way they are, we simply cannot predict the future and I not only want to be able to contribute to our family financially, I want to know that I can be financially independent and take care of myself and Savannah without worry.

2017 will be a new slate for us and I can’t wait! A new city, Tyler’s new job, making more memories with our families, and focusing on my future endeavors will definitely keep us busy. Despite the nasty election and the loss of many famous icons, I hope this past year was touched with some good for you all. Wishing everyone a healthy, happy, and safe new year!

 

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I Kinda Miss Blogging and What’s Been on My Mind

It’s true- I sometimes miss blogging. I’m not sure if it’s the actual blogging that I miss or just writing, but I really did enjoy sharing snapshots of my life over the past few years. As I mentioned before, I got in touch with some awesome women along the way, and the community made me feel less alone during some dark times. When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t from a technical aspect (seriously, I suck at all computer stuff, haha), but back in 2012, I was writing just to write. I’d pretty much just discuss issues that were on my mind based on things that I was going through or that I had observed, but sometimes I’d throw in a post about crafts, the army life, or just pointless information that I’m sure no one cares to know about myself 😉 I go through phases with crafts- sometimes I get on a streak and I’m all about DIY projects. The next week I’m so over it and feel like it’s a waste of my time.

I did talk about the army from a military spouse’s perspective, but I never wanted to indulge too much into it. I didn’t want to write about my husband’s job, nor did I feel comfortable from a safety standpoint doing so. Plus, he’s a private person and doesn’t mind when I talk about my stuff, but I know he wouldn’t want me talking about his. So there’s that. I didn’t have a niche, and that was irritating to me because I felt like I didn’t really “fit in” anywhere. Looking back, I never really fit in to a particular group, even during my school years. I wasn’t an athlete, wasn’t in the musical/drama group, wasn’t a brainiac, etc. I was just there, haha. Perhaps I DID fit somewhere from other people’s perspective, but I didn’t feel that way. Unfortunately, I still don’t. And while I’m now 30 years old, married, and have a child, I’m trying to come to terms with still feeling this way. Still trying to find my niche in life.

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Newborn pic 🙂 Time is flying by!

This brings me to my next topic. I’m only eight weeks postpartum and I’m already having anxiety about what’s next for me in life from a career standpoint. I know this is just who I am, and I truly am living in the moment with Savannah, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my future career endeavors. Before I go any further, I should say that I’m SO happy to be able to stay at home with our baby right now and for the next several months. Many mothers don’t have a choice; however, some do but have a career and I know it’s still incredibly hard for them to leave their babies.

Anyways, I have absolutely no idea what the hell I’m going to do. I worked in retail management for a year and a half (most recent) and in my early twenties when I was screwing around by being in and out of school, I worked at a tanning salon for five years (I know, I know- they’re bad, but it was easy income and above minimum wage). My job experience is probably a joke to most people, and I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Who the hell is going to hire me? And in what field? Will I ever be suitable for a job that pays over $14 an hour? Where are we going to move next? What if the job market is worse than it was in El Paso (it’s just more difficult when you’re not bilingual). This is the type of stuff that runs through my head and gets me worked up.

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Napping while mommy types 🙂 I’m obsessed with these ring slings, Wildbird.

My little girl doesn’t care what I do right now. All she cares about is looking up and seeing her mommy, or daddy, and being content. Seriously, seeing her smile or grasp my finger with her little hand lights a freaking spark in me. It’s amazing how much she’s already learning, and I know I may never have the opportunity to stay home as long as I will with Savannah if we ever have a second child. So, I’m relishing these moments. On the flip side, working is important to me for three reasons.

Number 1: I want to financially contribute to our family. I want us to be able to take family vacations, buy things and not worry about if our bank account is too low, and save for her college education. And, I want to pay off my student loans ASAP (it’s the only debt we have, and I feel bad because it’s all mine).

We went camping, to the Wisconsin Dells, and to Disney World twice when I was growing up which was totally fine by me, but my husband went SO many places with his family. Seriously like all over the United States, and I think that’s so awesome. Since moving across the country four years ago and seeing places I would’ve never otherwise seen, I’ve learned that traveling is important and special to me. I want to have memories of exploring new places with our children, and NOT go into debt or have to charge all vacation expenses.

Over the past two years or so, I’ve realized that it’s worth buying nicer, higher quality items rather than trying to be frugal and buy something cheap. Now, this isn’t always the case, but when it comes to certain clothes (jeans, shoes, coats) and household goods, I now prefer the better items. They not only look nicer, but they last longer. My ass is not buying closet staples stuff from Forever 21 anymore! I’m still pretty cheap though and do some weird things around the house to save a few pennies 😉 Baby girl has poop explosions so it doesn’t really matter, but I’ve also noticed a difference in baby clothes after washing items from various places.

In regards to college- I think one of the best gifts you can give your children is paying for or partially for their education. Scholarships and grants are great, but you can’t depend on that stuff. You have no idea how intelligent, athletic, musically inclined- whatever- he/she is going to be, so you can’t count on them being good enough for free tuition. If she doesn’t want to go to college, her fund can be transferred over to another family member which is pretty cool.

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Being such a good girl while mommy took her 2 month pictures

Number 2: I want to have a career that I enjoy or a job that I really love. I despised retail management at first (and hated the dumb shifts when I was in charge of an update or new floorset, but I actually liked doing that stuff), but I ended up really enjoying the people I worked with. The job taught me a lot- managing a store so much more than just selling clothes which I think many people don’t understand. Anyways, I want to feel good about the work I do because I know that often times carries over into your personal life. I know I’ll be a huge ass grump to everyone if I’m working a shitty job with shitty hours and I’m not satisfied.

Number 3: IF anything were ever to happen, I don’t want to be completely screwed. I love me husband, I love my life, but I also don’t live in a fairy tale land. Things happen, people change, grow apart- so many things cause relationships to unravel, and if we were ever to get to that dark place, I don’t want to feel like I have to stay because I have no other choice due to financial constraints. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ll never be Bill Gates or anything, but I’d at least like to feel somewhat secure and stable if anything were to happen. Some people may disapprove with this point, but you have to be realistic. I also don’t really believe in the whole “staying together for the kids” mantra. If your marriage sucks and there’s no hope, what’s the point? You’ll probably be doing more damage to them as they’ll think that’s how marriage is supposed to be. That’s a topic for another day though 😉

As you can see, my mind is slightly all over the place, but I hope to get a grip and a tentative “plan” in action once we find out where we go next. I’m truly looking forward to staying home with Savannah until then, but I like having both short and long-term goals. I never had goals in my late teens and early twenties and I think that was a major contributor in my floundering. Please don’t tell me not to worry, just to enjoy my time with my baby, or “it’ll all work itself out”. That doesn’t help me any, haha. However, I do have a few questions…

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m kind of afraid that if I do start working, I’ll hate it and wish I was home with Savannah.

Moms that stayed home then went on to work after your child was a bit older- Did you have a hard time finding decent work? I’m afraid the longer I’m out of a job, the harder it’ll be to find something that’s worth it.

Any suggestions on what you could see me doing career-wise? I’m serious, haha. And something that doesn’t require a Master’s degree- that’s not happening!

****I don’t know what’s going to happen with the blog right now, but it felt good getting these thoughts out. Thanks for reading!

 

 

Visitors After the Baby’s Arrival

I know visitor’s after the baby’s arrival can be a big issue for couples (I even googled it and there are a ton of discussion boards with venting wives, lol) and I’ve been asked a handful of times my stance on it, so that’s what I want to discuss today. I think it’s super important for spouses to be on the same page regarding and it’s something that should be discussed before the baby is born. The last thing you need is arguing with each other during an already stressful (yet amazing!) time if it could’ve been prevented.

Tyler and I are in a different situation that many couples because we live across the country from literally all family and close friends. That being said, we won’t have the issues with people just dropping by unannounced or last minute which is good in a way because that would probably drive me freaking crazy, haha. I’ve written about it several times, but if you don’t already know, I have anxiety issues which have gotten much better, but they’re still there. I liked things planned ahead as much as possible 😉 Anyways, this also means that family or friends will be flying in to see us which is awesome but can be overwhelming as well. That being said, I think it’s best that family comes down in cycles and that their visits do not overlap with each other.

Tyler and I downsized when we moved to Arizona. Though we have three bedrooms, they’re SMALL. We have our master, baby girl has her nursery and we have the spare room as the computer/treadmill/movie/army room. We physically were not able to have an extra bedroom for guests, but we honestly didn’t have many visitors in El Paso anyways and this time we’re only here for 8-9 months (will be moving again in September/October). That being said, we can’t have anyone staying with us when they visit. My brother and sister will be staying here- they’re young and I’d never expect them to pay for a hotel. Plus, they could care less if they slept on the couch or air mattress for a week! I can also tell them when they’re annoying the crap out of me and don’t feel like I have to entertain them or that they’ll be judging me on my new mothering, haha 😉 Just kidding…kinda 🙂

They’ll be here from June 25-July 3 which I think is great timing. If the baby comes on time, that gives us a month to get used to being with her by ourselves, learn her cues, etc. And I’m pretty sure that I won’t want to be taking her out the first few weeks. I’m hoping not to be an overprotective parent, but I really don’t see the point of taking a newborn out unless necessary. There isn’t much to do or good places to eat in our town anyways, haha.

My dad and his girlfriend plan on coming down in late July or August. That’ll be nice because by then I should hopefully be catching on to things a bit. My mom is kinda on stand-by- she said she’ll be here whenever I want her to. We don’t think that Tyler will get the normal 10 day leave that you get in the military after your spouse has a baby. This is because Tyler is not in the “regular” army right now (I forgot the technical term)- he’s in Captain Career Course which is a six month school that can’t be interrupted. There may be some way to get around this, but this would prolong our stay here a bit, his graduation date, and I really want him to do what’s best for him. He won’t be deployed or in the field and I know he’ll be helping out as much as possible when he’s home (CCC means normal hours!). I’m thinking I want my mom to come right before or after my brother and sister…but it really all depends on when she makes her debut. If she comes early, then definitely before! Ideally, I’d like her to come about two weeks after she’s born (she’ll need to give work a heads up!), but we shall see.

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I’m eager and nervous to see how the dogs, especially Wrigley, react to the baby…

We’re super excited to have visitor’s this summer and for everyone to meet our new addition! I just want everyone to be happy and feel like they had sufficient time with us and her and not have to worry about “sharing”, lol, if that makes sense. We should find out where we PCS to next in June or July, and if possible, we want to visit home after that move. It all depends on where we are located. If it does work out, I’m hoping we will have her baptized then. My dad’s side of the family is Catholic, and my brother, sister, and I were all baptized and had our Communions and Confirmations. Though I’m not an active church-goer, it’s important to me that she’s baptized, and my best friend’s father is a Deacon at the Catholic church we used to go to. I think it’d be so awesome to have him do it! I’m getting ahead of myself though, haha.

We also bought a camera so that family or friends will be able to see the baby when we turn it on and she’s within range. At first I was super hesitant about this. I thought Tyler wanted it running all the time so family would be able to see her whenever they wanted. That definitely was not okay by me. I mean, what if I was breastfeeding her and my boobs were poppin out? Or she was having a crying fit and I couldn’t get her to stop? Or….I could list a ton of other scenarios that just wouldn’t be cool. He assured me that there will be certain times and we’ll let family know when we’ll be turning it on. I thought this was pretty much the same thing as Skype or FaceTime, but I just let him buy it and set it up if it’ll make him happy 😉

I’ll be sharing the nursery post next week so check back! Hope everyone has a great weekend.

What are your thoughts on visitor’s after having the baby?

Did you and your spouse have a plan? Was it difficult to come to an agreement?

Have any stories you want to share or advice for me?

 

Second Trimester Pregnancy Eats

Although I’m a few weeks into my third trimester, I’m wondering if my food aversions and cravings (or lack thereof) will change as they did in the middle of the second trimester, especially since the nausea has come back every once in a while. Because I experienced morning sickness longer than some, I only ate really bland foods the first five months. However, the past two and a half months have been pretty great and though there are still things that I normally like that sound freaking gross or I’ll get sick every once in a while, it’s SO nice to have more options again. I’m all about giving into cravings and splurging every now and then, but the baby gets what I eat and that’s important to me. I don’t want her hating fruits and veggies like her daddy 😉 That will not be tolerated in this household, haha.

I’m sharing what meals and snacks have been appealing to me since all day sickness subsided as I know how much everyone cares 😉 No, but really, I find it so intriguing how pregnancy messes with your taste buds, and I want to remember all of this shit in case it doesn’t happen again!

Breakfast is typically:

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Greek yogurt, granola, banana, and vanilla flavored almonds

A bowl of cereal (Honey Bunches of Oats or a Multigrain Cheerios or Special K variety) with sliced banana

An egg scramble with spinach, tomato, and green pepper, sprinkled with black pepper and oregano and Asiago cheese and a slice of buttered whole wheat toast

Plain scrambled eggs with cheddar and black pepper (Tyler makes the best!) and buttered toast

Whole wheat toast or an English muffin with crunchy peanut butter and sliced banana sprinkled with cinnamon

An Asiago bagel (I stocked up before we left El Paso- our Super Target sold fresh Einstein bagels and I raided the this kind for a week before we left and froze them, haha. SO good!) with plain cream cheese.

I’ve done overnight oats which I normally love a few times, but it just doesn’t sound appealing, nor does oatmeal.

Lunch is sometimes hard for me. I get super tired if I have a big meal in the middle of the day and I simply can’t eat huge ass portions anymore without feeling sick as I get full fast with my growing belly. Because of this, I often times have snack plates instead throughout the day that consist of:

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A fruit- a sliced honey crisp or pink lady apple, pear, grapes, or a couple of cuties

Veggies- raw carrots, cherry (or are they grape?) tomatoes, sliced cucumber

A dip- Greek yogurt ranch or hummus

Sliced cheese (cheddar, Asiago, Colby, or pepperjack)

Crackers or pita chips

1% milkfat cottage cheese

Sliced hard boiled egg

Mixed nuts

It’s not all of that- I pick what sounds good that day and make the plate, but I make sure there’s always a carb, protein, and fat.

I make homemade egg salad (hardboiled eggs, avocado, plain Greek yogurt, with black pepper, dill, and paprika- I think that’s all I put in it, haha) and have that with a sourdough English muffin.

Homemade chicken salad with shredded chicken, avocado, plain Greek yogurt, sliced grapes, celery, chia seeds (weird, it works), lemon juice, black pepper and some other spices. I’ll eat with an English muffin or crackers.

Regular salads. Since I have a hard time with chicken, I usually just use a hardboiled egg as the protein source

Smoothies are awesome for me for an afternoon snack as well!

Like I’ve said, I’ve never been a huge lunch person. Even when I was working, during my breaks I’d still often times pack stuff like this and nibble throughout the day 🙂

Dinners are normal. The first trimester I’d eat whatever sounded like I wouldn’t get sick from, but as I’ve noted in my updates, I don’t really have any aversions- what sounds gross at the time is pretty inconsistent. We’ve been grilling out a lot, making homemade pizzas, tilapia (just once a week) with veggies, pasta, etc. Tyler makes awesome chicken and while sometimes the thought gags me, I can usually do chicken in a wrap or crepe (I LOVE savory crepes!).

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Mocktails have been refreshing as well!

So that’s it! Nothing exciting, but if we are ever blessed with another baby I thought it would be interesting to see if I’m able to eat the same things during the second trimester 🙂

What foods did you love/hate during your pregnancy?

 

 

 

 

Names that Didn’t Make the Final Cut

Naming your baby is one of the most fun things aspects of having a child, yet it can also be the most difficult. For starters, what sounds great to one person can sound butt ugly to their significant other. Then there’s the fact that some people may want to use a family name or they have family and friends giving their opinions. I’ve wrote about it before HERE, but we won’t be announcing her name to anyone (not just on social media) until she is here. However, I want to remember the names that were mentioned but didn’t make the cut, and I thought it would be fun to share that today! Please know, that these are our opinions. If your child is named one of these names or I say something offensive, I really don’t mean to be a B 😉 Oh, and I’m obviously just sharing girl first names.

Whats in a name - swati raiMadelyn- This one was high on my list. I’ve liked this name since middle school and don’t know anyone personally that has it. It’s not the traditional spelling (Madeline), but I didn’t want it to be mistaken for Mad-a-line instead of Mad-a-lyn. I think the nickname Maddie is super cute as well 🙂 Tyler was okay with this name but apparently he knows someone far, far away who named their kid this, so it was a no. No idea who it is so I don’t see how that matters, haha.

Cameron- I don’t love this name, but I like it. I actually like it better as a boy’s name, but I think it’s starting to get more popular which is a bummer. It was hard for me to imagine a baby or little girl being called Cameron, and it doesn’t sound great with our last name. This was a huge NO from Tyler anyways!

Aleksandra- Ok, I’m not into weird spellings, but I like the name Aleks (Alex is fine too, but I like it spelled with a K for some reason). It’s somewhat common, but not overly heard. However, we both know some Alex’s (girls), and sometimes people just ruin a name 😉

Olivia- I really like this name, but Tyler never said no faster in his life, haha. I think Liv would be a cute shortened name (we wanted a full name with an option of it being shortened), but he just hated it. I didn’t protest about this one because it’s gotten popular.

Charlotte- I think Charlotte is SO cute, and while Tyler didn’t hate, he wasn’t too fond of it either.

Mallory- I liked this, but Tyler didn’t. I believe that someone in his family has the name, and we wanted to shy away from that.

Harper- Just like Olivia, I really liked Harper but Tyler thought I was effing crazy. I knew there was very little negotiation with this one, and I wasn’t in love with it, so I didn’t push it. I think this name would get to me after saying it a couple hundred times anyways 😉

You probably noticed that all of the names were my suggestions and Tyler denying them. He didn’t give any suggestions in regards to first names which I thought was odd, but that’s okay. Perhaps he wanted me to have more of a say in the baby’s name because I get no say when or if we have a boy and it’s only fair? I do think the father should have a say in the name- I’d never ever choose a name that my husband hated. However, us women are the one’s that go through pregnancy, labor, delivery, and all the postpartum shit, so I believe we should get the upper hand 🙂

Without saying too much, I knew I wanted something with some meaning, which is why the names above didn’t really touch me. What we chose popped into my head one day, and I remember thinking it was the one…and when I asked Tyler about it, he didn’t even hesitate- he said yes. Now there are a couple that I didn’t mention in case we ever have another baby and it’s a girl…we gotta keep our runner’s up on the down low as well!

What names did you or your significant other like but you didn’t end up going with?

 

Life Lately- February 2016

I’ve been pretty much just writing solely about pregnancy lately (sorry about that, but I have lots to say about various aspects of it!), and haven’t given an update about what else is going on with us. So that’s what I’m going to do today 🙂

While I’ve done some posts about the military life and deployment, I don’t talk about my husband’s career on here very much. However, he got promoted to Captain back in November and to say I’m super proud of him is an understatement! Once you get Captain, you go to Captain Career Course in whatever branch you’re in. My husband spent his time as a second and first Lieutenant in Field Artillery but will be Military Intelligence for the remainder of his career. Which brings me to our next topic…wemoved to Arizona!

The school he will attend is at a post in Arizona and because the move is a PCS (permanent change of station) versus a TDY (temporary duty station), I was able to go with 🙂 You get a choice of what kind of move you want when you’re in the military- a DITY move which is where you pack everything yourself and move everything yourself then get reimbursed for the cost or a move where the military hires a company to come out and pack up all of your shit then a moving company comes and moves it all for you to your designated location.

We’ve never done and more than likely never will do a DITY move, but I’ve heard a lot of people say they make money off the move by doing it themselves. However, I couldn’t imagine packing our entire house with a full-time job every few months or couple of years. You’re in full control of your belongings as well and some people have had bad experiences with items getting damaged along the way. We’ve had a few pieces of furniture get a little banged up, but nothing crazy. You have to load and unload all of your furniture (I guess a lot of people get their friend to help them; however), but I’m wondering how the heck people unload everything themselves if they don’t know anyone at their next duty station? We have some nice, heavy, big ass furniture that was pretty hard to move, haha. Ive heard some people have to wait a while to get their stuff delivered to their new place, but I don’t see the big deal. It’s not like I’m going to die without my house full of shit for a week or two 😉 Tyler’s done a handful of PCS’s, one even being to Italy, so I guess he’s one of the lucky ones that has never had an issue with packers or movers. Anyways….

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What you have to do for fun when there’s no TV and you’re sleeping on a mattress, haha.

We are LOVING our new location! It’ll be nice to get out of the Southwest one day (we PCS again in September or October- only here for about 8-9 months), but it just feels so much cleaner and prettier out here (sorry El Paso, friends!). It is a much smaller town- slow paced and laid back which just feels so right at this time in our lives. There’s a Target, Walmart, Marshalls, Ross, Hobby Lobby, small mall with a movie theater, Home Depot and Loews, Petsmart and a few chain restaurants (I like local restaurants better, but oh well. We ate out a lot during the moving transition and I’m so over it for a while anyways, haha). I actually like how there are limited shopping options out here and was surprised that there’s a Hobby Lobby which is perfect as there are a few things I want to make for the baby!

I love our neighborhood (there is an HOA so neighbors can’t be complete hillbillies like at our last place!) and we’ve met one set of neighbors that are super nice. Large sidewalks are on the side of the streets and there’s a nature path- we’ve already gone on a few bike rides together and Tyler’s been running. We have a view of the mountains from the back of our house and it’s awesome to look out our bedroom window or sit out on our patio and see such peace 🙂 The dogs are loving it, too. The living room and bedrooms (aside from ours) is carpeted. Our old house was all tile and they seem to like the carpet much better…although I’m anal and vacuum every other day.

View of our entryway. That puzzle of Times Square in that hallway doesn’t match, but we put it together (1000 pieces, FML) right after Tyler got home from his deployment. It was an awesome thing to do to help bond again!

Post is obviously much smaller than Fort Bliss. Fort Bliss may not be in the most ideal area, but it’s pretty bad ass- the common area is new (the PX, commissary, a handful of restaurants and shopping, and movie theater) and I’ve heard there is no other post like it yet as it was the first. I still don’t know my way around post yet but I can’t get any more lost there than I did on Bliss, haha. Some people have asked me over the years why we choose to live off post rather than on. I might write a whole blog entry about it, but for now- we just want to 🙂 We’ve never lived on (well, Tyler did when he was in the barracks years ago, but that’s different), so I’m not saying one is better than the other. However, when Tyler is done with work he wants to be done and not surrounded by all things army. We also like receiving a BAH (basic housing allowance) that goes towards covering the cost of rent or a mortgage. We rented in El Paso and are renting here, but are hoping to purchase a home at our next duty station depending on where it’s at. We don’t use our entire BAH for rent- you have to think about utilities as well so you’re not overspending. You can actually make some money if your living arrangements cost less than what your BAH is. Ok, that’s enough about that. Boring!

What else…Tyler started two more grad school classes last week and only has two more left until he’s done with his Masters! The last two are capstone classes which he’ll have to write a thesis for, so with that, CCC, and a new baby, he’s going to have a busy year! The majority of his grad school classes were covered as well (he’s getting his Masters in Military Intelligence and Management), so that’s pretty damn nice, especially considering that we’re paying a pretty penny on my student loans a month to get them knocked out. He doesn’t like me talking about him regarding this type of stuff, but I’m super proud of him!

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Hot chocolate and iced coffee before exploring Tombstone!

While I’m grateful that I’ve been able to stay home the past few months and continue to do so while the baby is super small, I’m also missing contributing financially and working makes me feel good- like accomplished, if that makes sense. I know it won’t be like this forever, so I’m really trying to take advantage of this time and I know it’ll be amazing once the baby comes. The tentative plan is that I’ll work once we get to our next duty station and the baby will be about 5-6 months old by then which works out perfect!

I think that’s about it. This week we plan on visiting Bisbee (we went to Tombstone and Tuscon last week which was fun!) and getting ready for our trip home. We received out crib and I’ve started a to-do list for after we get home in regards to things I need/want to do before her arrival! Hope everyone has a great week 🙂

Why We are Keeping Her Name to Ourselves and Our Criteria

When people find out that you’re expecting, the questions come flooding in about when you’re due, how you’re feeling, the gender, etc. After people learn the gender, the big question is “What is his/her name?”. I LOVE knowing what others are naming their little one, so I completely understand why the question is asked. I’m weird and I also like to know why certain names were picked- Is there a special meaning behind it? Is it a family name? Did they pick it just because?

As I’ve mentioned before, although I’ve opened up my life about our struggles with enduring a loss and infertility, I’m not that open about everything. Yes, I am documenting my pregnancy but it’s for me to look back on one day. I want to remember all the happiness, sadness, fearfulness, craziness- everything- that it entailed. As you all know, I didn’t even announce the pregnancy on here or other social media outlets until I was nearly four months along and even most family members didn’t know until almost the end of the first trimester. Something happened when I got the positive pregnancy test where I just wanted to keep this amazing miracle a secret. And I can’t explain why.

The news is out that I’m pregnant. Everyone knows that we’re having a baby girl. But the name….that’s something we’re going to be keeping to ourselves. Why? Because we can 😉 No, but for real- not everything has to be an open book. I get that family and friends are excited- we are, too! Lots of people announce the name right away after revealing the gender and that’s great and all but that’s not me (or my husband). Now, obviously I’m not going to be all weird about it to strangers. For example, I was at the dentist yesterday and my hygienist was talking to me about it. I’m never going to see this woman again and she has no connection to our world so why not? Haha. And quite frankly, I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions about it. If I want your opinion, I’ll ask 😉

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We are 99% sure about it but have recently ran into a hiccup. However, I’m almost certain it won’t change, but Tyler and I have to discuss it again. As cliche as it sounds, when this name came to mind, it seriously warmed my heart. Then I ran it by Tyler and he instantly said yes…and I just knew. There is somewhat of a special meaning behind it as well, which I wanted but it wasn’t a deal- breaker, so it’s perfect!

I will say some things about the criteria of choosing a name though 🙂

  • Our name picks are NOT super trendy. While there are many beautiful popular names, I didn’t want her in a class having like 3 other girls with it as well.
  • Names that are not made up. Either some people don’t think about this or they simply just don’t care, but we didn’t want something crazy where people would question if we were high or not while making this decision. It’s amusing to me when people do this to their children to be unique, but then again, my name is Kimberly which sounds like either a 1960s housewife or hippies name, haha 😉 Just kidding mom- I like my name!
  • No whack ass spellings. Or multiple spellings. We didn’t want something that could be spelled six different ways.
  • We wanted a name that could be shortened for a nickname. Kimberly = Kim or Kimmy. Tyler doesn’t have that option unless you count TJ. Ty drives me crazy, lol, and while I’ve referred to him as TJ on here before, I always just call him Tyler. I wanted the nickname to be just as pretty as the whole name as well. *This wasn’t a deal-breaker either but was taken into consideration and preferred.
  • No exes. I think this rings true for everyone on the planet!
  • Nothing too cute. Let’s face it- some names just more suitable for babies/children OR older adults. We wanted something timeless.
  • Has to flow well together. I’m weird about syllables and after explaining this to Tyler, he understood the importance of proper name flow, haha. A one syllable first and one syllable middle name sounds odd together, for example.

LMAO

It may seem like we had a lot of criteria, but we really didn’t. When you say a name out loud you almost always know whether or not you like it. If you think you like a name, say it out loud about a thousand times then see how you feel about it 😉

Tyler didn’t contribute a single first name suggestion at all, haha. I kept asking him to but he’d just tell me to say some and he’d tell me what he thought. I don’t know if it was out of laziness on his part or the fact that he picked the boys name and I didn’t get a say, but it was still fun to think of names and discuss it. A few times I knew he kind of liked the name but he knew somebody that had a kid with it (who cares- we don’t live by them nor have I even met them!) so those were thrown out the window. Lots were rejected right away for no reason other than him not liking them, but I can understand that as I’m the same way- sometimes there isn’t a reason. Which brings us back to the original thoughts of this post 😉

Haha, Tyler and I have some inside jokes about this 😉

As awesome and exciting as this time is, when our little girl makes her debut in the world, that’s when we will announce her name. We’ve been waiting so long and tried so hard for this, so I hope people respect our wishes. I think it’d be fun to put together a post on the ones that were rejected though, so be on the look out for that over the next couple of weeks!

Did you announce the baby name before birth? Why or why not?

How did you choose the baby name?

 

Life Lately

It’s been a while since I’ve discussed what’s been going on with us outside of fertility stuff, so today that’s what I’m gonna do 🙂 We actually had quite a busy summer, and it’s been nice that things have calmed down for now.

Despite the craziness, I was actually able to meet my best friend and her family in Colorado for a five days, as I’ve briefly mentioned before. Her and her family have been going to Estes Park for her whole life, and I remember her talking about how much fun it was as a kid, then how beautiful it was as she got older. She didn’t lie, and I could kick myself for not taking more pictures 😦11892220_10153555527352485_2146485962969157048_n

My last day at the company I was employed with was on Saturday (I worked in retail management- NOT what I went to school for, but my after 5 months of job searching early last year, I realized that I couldn’t be that picky here in West Texas). Yes, it was a paycheck (you actually have to have a Bachelor’s degree to have a management position within the company) and experience to put on my resume. However, going through IVF and working full-time at a job where you literally do not sit down unless you’re on conference call just didn’t seem very wise. Plus, holiday season will be approaching us in a matter of weeks, huge updates will be taking place meaning overnight shifts, and everything is blacked out until January so no PTO could be taken. Not to mention the stress from asshole customers on top of being overly hormonal…It seems like I’m justifying my decision and perhaps I am in a way. I don’t want to be frowned upon and thought of as being lazy or criticized for being a stay-at-home wife for a while. I feel bad having my husband be the sole financial provider for the time being. But we both want to grow our family more than anything, and we want to look back knowing we did everything possible to reduce stress and not ever wonder “what if”.

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Saying hi to hubby…Yes, this is work attire 😉

Moving on…Tyler comes home from the field today! He has only been for 3 weeks but this one dragged complete ass, although I quickly became Wrigley’s favorite again so he better continue knowing who’s boss when his daddy gets home. Tyler has a four day weekend so we’re hoping to see a few movies that are out and a I have a little list of errands we need to run together, haha. Hopefully he’s home for the rest of the year!

Tyler will be having surgery on his shoulder on October 29. He has a labrum tear that happened like two years ago (yeah I know…), but he didn’t know how bad it was. When he unexpected deployed, he obviously didn’t have it looked at and once he did when he got home they had him do a few months of physical therapy which was a joke. Hopefully everything goes well! I’ll be playing Nurse Kim for a while which should be interesting 😉

That’s about it! I started acupuncture yesterday so that’s exciting. I dozed off while listening to rainfall meditation music which was quite relaxing until something in the room made a noise and I seriously think I jumped three feet in the air. I plan on really deep cleaning the house and organizing/getting rid of old shit over the next several weeks, trying and creating new recipes to add to our rotation, taking Wrigley on daily walks, and investing time into learning about and using the camera we for Christmas. I know I’ll have no trouble filling up my days, but I like having a routine, so it may take a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things 🙂

Hope everyone has a great week!

 

 

Why I can’t Keep My Mouth Shut

Throughout the past two years, I’ve been asked a couple of times (honestly I think it’s like twice, haha) why I blog which was mostly pertaining to infertility stuff. As I mentioned before, I didn’t really know what the heck I was doing when I started blogging, and honestly, I still absolutely suck at the technical side of it all (if anyone wants to help, PLEASE  let me know. I don’t know how to change anything! We’ll be best friends 😉 jk). When I got pregnant, I thought, “Alright, cool. I’m going to document this so family and friends across the country and world can kind of watch it all”. When things didn’t go as planned, I didn’t know what to do with myself, the blog- pretty much anything. I was at a standstill, and quite frankly, I was embarrassed and ashamed that we had announced our pregnancy when we did at 10 weeks (four weeks later we found out we lost the baby at a routine ultrasound).

Since our Facebook friends and family knew about us expecting, I was afraid that we’d be asked how I/the baby was doing and I knew it would be weird to some as to why I hadn’t given any updates or posted any photos (I’m sure I have a lot of creepers, haha). I mean, people would probably eventually realize why, but I’ve learned that there are a lot of dumb asses in the world so you never know 😉 We decided that I’d write a Facebook status just giving a general idea of our loss. And you know what? The out pour of support I got was amazing. Instead of crying tears of sorrow, I cried because I felt less alone and cared for, by many of whom weren’t even “friends” or family!

Those texts, phone calls, and messages were huge contributors as to why I didn’t do a complete nose dive. People (even a few guys!) that I hadn’t talked to in years sent well wishes, and many shared their stories about their personal losses as well. They made me realize just how many of us suffer from miscarriages or infertility but keep it to themselves. That is totally okay, but I’d go freaking crazy. Perhaps part of the reason why is because we’re here in Texas and I’m nowhere near my close family and friends, so besides Tyler and our dogs, I don’t have anyone. But there’s another explanation….

I kept a diary in elementary school. It went a little like this:

“Dear Diary,

Today I wore bright purple shorts, and white shirt, and a flowered vest. I slicked my hair back (a girl asked me one time if I used cement to push it back, but nope, it was just a shit ton of hair spray) and wore white shoes. I got my braces tightened yesterday and my teeth really hurt. My friends and I didn’t fight today, and [insert the boy I liked that week here] didn’t talk to me AT ALL. BOO 😦 Maybe tomorrow will be my lucky day! After school I did my homework, played outside, ate spaghetti, and watched Mrs. Doubtfire with my brother tonight.

Talk to you tomorrow!

Love, Kim”

I actually have them all and they’re hilarious to read. Then, In 7th/8th grade, I started to keep a journal. It was pretty much a diary with poems scattered throughout. I was pretty effing deep as a 13 year old 😉 This continued on until the middle/end of my junior year when I stopped completely, but resumed after I graduated high school (my lost or floundering years, haha).

You see, I’ve always loved to write as I like to express my feelings and my truths. Blogging became an outlet to do so. I must mention, I tried keeping another handwritten journal about a year ago which lasted a whole two days as typing is a billion times faster and my hand got super tired 😦

So this is my objective throughout our journey- I hope to become more actively involved in the infertility community. I hope my posts reach those that are struggling, have experienced a loss, or that know someone who is. I’m sure that it has to be difficult and awkward to watch your daughter, sister, friend- whatever- be on a roller coaster of emotions. I want to go beyond the blog, whether it’s in other virtual communities or in my own here in Texas. Infertility and loss is hard enough in itself, but being a military spouse can sometimes add a few more obstacles to it (I’ll be writing more about this soon). My intentions of blogging may be selfish as I want to express my feelings while taking note of what’s up throughout our journey, but I also truly want to give back. There are people out there that knows what it feels like- you are not alone.

So peeps, THAT is why I can’t keep my mouth shut 🙂

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That’s what we got to say about that 😉

 

Behind The Scenes

A few days ago, THIS article popped up on my Newsfeed on Facebook. It was posted on one of the many infertility groups that I’m a member of (not necessarily active- it’s nice to feel less alone), and intrigued me so I clicked on it. Please- read this article. I know that everyone goes through difficult times in life whether it be an illness, death, divorce, job loss, depression, or just a sudden crisis. However, this post not only greatly illustrates what a hidden subject infertility is, but how couples often mask the roller-coaster emotions of sadness, hope and despair, and heartache.

This post is opening up some [mended] wounds, but it’s something I wanted to share. It’s been two years since our loss, and though we’ve gotten some answers and a plan set in place, our dreams still are not fulfilled. I’ve put together some photos or thoughts of things we have gone though.

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El Paso Zoo. August 30, 2013.

The photo above is when I was 12/13 weeks pregnant. Obviously my tata’s liked the pregnancy hormones a lot (I went up an entire cup size in a matter of weeks)…Anyways, Tyler planned a date day and took us to the zoo and then to Babies R Us where we started our registry. He was leaving for the field in a few weeks and wouldn’t be back until mid November, so starting it together was important to us. Looking back, it was such a fun and satisfying day, but after we found out about our loss, I couldn’t look at these photos as I knew we had lost the baby around this time or a couple of days prior.

 

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September 2013.

Tyler LOVES the Chicago Bears. We don’t get all of the games down here in Texas, so Tyler bought me a Bears shirt (Amazon!) and we’d go to Pizza Hut down the road to watch. Two days after this photo was taken, we’d find out that we’d miscarried. Every Sunday after that, I’d order a beer while I did my homework and tried to smile and root for our home team.

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On Tuesday, September 10, 2013, TJ and I headed over the the Mendoza Clinic on East Bliss to get an ultrasound done (separately- he had to go to work after) . You can read about our story HERE. What I didn’t write about is how I only told my mom (and asked her to tell the family) and my best friend what had happened. That Tyler got off his work day to come home with me, and that I laid in bed next to him for 18 hours going through intervals of crying and sleeping in his arms. That I woke up the next morning pissed off and insisted he went to work as I went to class. I wore a Chicago Cubs baseball hat and my glasses the next couple of weeks to help disguise my puffy eyes.

601526_10102861679573128_83870456_nI took the photo above on my way to class one day a few weeks after. It was a crisp Fall day which isn’t very common in West Texas, but the view was absolutely beautiful. It was then that I promised myself that I wouldn’t allow myself fall into the deep hole of depression that I had one foot wallowing in…and that I might be an old graduate, but I was gonna rock the fuck out of the last semester. And I did… but perhaps it was for the wrong reasons.

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 1240234_10102846395662208_1893510720_nThe photo above shows me happily cuddling with Wrigley and potentially studying. I posted this five days after we received the news (no one knew publicly yet) and I still had not had a D&C (it would take another week and a half- ridiculous). I’d come home from class, do any homework, essays, or study, then shower and change and lay in bed the rest of the night. Wriggles must’ve sensed my sadness as he laid with me all the time.

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My beautiful mom and me 🙂

December 2013. Tyler and I went home to Indiana for 10 days for Christmas. Based on my OPK’s, I was ovulating a few days before we left (which ended up being a freaking joke as my blood tests showed I had not ovulated but my LH surged enough to cause positive tests). You need to get at it before ovulation because once you drop an egg, you’re dunzo for the month. Long story short, I ended up having a 30 day cycle and starting my period on Christmas Day. With his family. And I just wanted to lay in bed all day, but I had to act strong- like everything was normal. The only thing that brought me comfort was staying at my moms, which isn’t a great thing when you’re married & visiting family. I told Tyler earlier that month that the only thing I wanted for Christmas was a baby…

Two weeks later, while blowing out my birthday candles, I made the same wish. Neither came true.

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 May 2015. Tyler and I went home for 7 days a month after he came back from Afghanistan. I had gone home in October and January for long weekends when he was deployed, but he had not seen his family since Christmas 2013.  I mentioned multiple times for him to go home solo, but he wouldn’t budge and insisted on me going with. This was a huge mistake, and the moment we stepped foot onto Midway airport when we were flying back to Texas was when I vowed to myself that I’d go with my gut from that day forth.

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My mom’s place and my uncle and aunt’s home are where I find true comfort and belonging.

You see, a few months prior, my dad and his girlfriend planned to throw a little party for him and his safe arrival home. They even contacted my mom to be a part of the planning, and they both worked together to iron out the details of food preparations, decorations, and inviting family and friends from both of their sides. We didn’t have a wedding, so this was BIG for me. Many family members had not met Tyler before, and a few even traveled 3 hours just to attend! However, I was full of anxiety the whole morning while getting ready and going to my dads.

It didn’t help that I was on Femara that month, but I had gotten my period the night before- and it was FULL on. Come to find out, my progesterone was the highest ever recorded thus far, so no wonder why I was a ball of hormones the whole week we were home to visit.

So, I ended up getting pretty drunk. I was stressed and upset and wanted to let go that day. Doing that the night before an early morning flight wasn’t very smart, but lesson learned 😦  Anyways, I asked Tyler to come back after he visited family again….but this was not well received upon some, and I may be deemed selfish. There aren’t any photos of us together during this trip home which is pretty sad. Things may not be what they used to be, but we pushed through it together.

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11811332_10105336307683558_3626875895279024983_nSecond failed round of Femara above. I cried and showered, then got ready. We had the day off together and went to the movies, Blockbuster (get used DVDs and BluRays for cheap!), and lunch, then went home to have wine and make dinner together. I laid in bed that night laughing, joking, and watching movies with my Big, but thoughts of when we’d hold a baby in our arms still entered my mind.

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You see, there is more to life than what is shared on a Facebook status, Tweet, or Instagram photo. We post statuses that portray how awesome our lives are or pictures that show happy times or when we think we look good. I’m by no means saying we should all start airing out our dirty laundry. I don’t want to read negative shit all of the time, but I want people to just be freaking real.  I’d get sucked into such a failure mode sometimes that I’d ask Tyler if it upsets him that his exes and friends all have a kid(s). His answer is always the same….Never- and I’m his baby mama that he was destined to be with, and he didn’t choose them for a reason 😉

So please, be gentle and kind to people, especially if they have opened up about their struggles. There are always two sides to every story or picture. If you’re reading this and feel lost- message me. One of the many things I’ve learned is how important and comforting it is to have someone to talk to when you’re feeling down. I won’t have all of the answers, but I’ll certainly try to make you smile 🙂