A Look Back at 2016

I have to admit, though I stepped away from my blog earlier this year, I miss writing out my thoughts once in a while. I know I could easily utilize a personal journal, but it’s sometimes nice to share things with others. However, I’ve reached a point in my life where I really don’t have too much to say and I’ve become much more private. I’m a different person than I was when I created this little space, and while I’m happy knowing that I’ve evolved, sometimes you just outgrow things, ya know? I went back and forth with this as I was leaning towards giving blogging another go this past summer- I even purchased a new domain in my name, lol. I had plans of sharing posts about parenthood and military life- mostly just tips and tricks that I’ve learned along the way. After brainstorming and outlining a ton of potential posts, I woke up one morning and decided I had absolutely no desire to do this, haha. I truly do think our society is too caught up in social media and I sometimes want to delete my Facebook and Instagram accounts and completely live off the map. I’m not making excuses, but honestly, if I lived in my hometown I really think I’d do this because I’d see family and friends much more often.

Though I think social media is absolutely ridiculous with all the filters people use, the bullshit they post to make themselves feel important or better about themselves, and the drama it creates, it actually helps me stay connected with those I care about most. I’m NOT much of a social person- I can make myself be in a professional environment or when it’s mandatory, but I’m quite content with my small circle of friends and family 🙂 Regardless, it’s cool (and sometimes appalling, haha) to look back on old posts and see what was going on in my life at certain times, and today I want to write the highlights of each month during 2016. It was an amazing year and I don’t want to forget it!

January-  I celebrated my 30th birthday being 20 weeks pregnant! Tyler and I took photos announcing that our rainbow baby was a GIRL and shared those a few days later. We had known since early November and keeping it between us for two months was hard but exciting!. On my birthday, we went out to breakfast at one of my favorite restaurants in El Paso, Ripe, then stopped at Babies R Us on our way home. I bought the cutest outfit for Savannah that I thought we’d take her home in, but baby girl ended up being a tiny little thing and it didn’t fit her until she was two months old, haha. Later that afternoon, we went to the movies to see The Reverent and I ate a big ass pretzel with cheese…my favorite! 😉

February- We said goodbye to El Paso after living there for over 3.5 years and PCSed to Arizona! Luckily, this move was only 5 hours away. I was still suffering from morning (all day) sickness at this time and I vividly remember laying on the mattress in our spare room feeling so nauseous while the packers packed up all of our stuff, haha. We thought this move was only going to be for seven months, but Tyler was offered an amazing opportunity that extended our stay to a full year as he had to attend an additional school for it here. Most of this month consisted of unpacking and organizing, having a garage sale, and learning our way around our new town and surrounding areas.

March- We flew home to see family and friends and celebrate our new addition. We had our baby shower and it was a fun and relaxing week. We celebrated Tyler’s 33rd birthday and I finally felt great most of the time- my morning sickness finally subsided! Since the Cubs have their Spring Training in Mesa, we couldn’t leave the state without going to another game. Fun fact: we went to a Spring Training game a few years ago when the Cubbies played the Kansas City Royals who ended up winning the World Series that year. This year, the game we went to was at Goodyear Ballpark where they played the Cleveland Indians…and they both went on to play in the championship game against each other!

April- April was filled with DIY projects and getting the nursery ready. I took a photography class that was offered on post to learn how to use our Nikon better….which I have yet to use consistently 😉 I was starting to feel quite pregnant by then, but I went on daily walks and spent most of my day relaxing and going through ALL of our shit, purging a ton, and reorganizing literally every closet, cabinet, and drawer in the house. It felt so good! We also had quite a few scares this month and I started having contractions regularly, so I was told to take it easy.

May- The absolute BEST month of the year! Savannah Claire arrived on May 24 at 1:30 A.M. after just 3 hours of labor! You can read all about her birth story HERE. I’ve never been so ecstatic and scared in my entire life, haha.

June- This month flew by in a complete blur. My mom flew in a week after Savannah was born and was a tremendous help. I was so sleep deprived and my hormones were out of this world…it was such a surreal time. My brother and sister visited at the end of the month, and things were a little better then, but we were still learning Savannah’s cues and what the hell to do. We took Savannah to Coronado National Memorial with my mom and Tombstone with my brother and sister which was fun!

July- Tyler’s parents and sister and family visited. I started real estate classes at the beginning of the month (Anna was just six weeks old!) and was gone three nights a week. This month honestly flew by and I don’t remember much of it…still sleep deprived and hormones trying to balance out 😉 We learned at the end of the month that we will be PCSing to Alabama in February. I was a bit hesitant about this first- I mean, Alabama?? haha- but I know now those were ignorant thoughts. This opportunity is amazing for Tyler’s career which is most important. Plus, we will only be nine hours from home! Unless we’re stationed at Campbell or Knox (very unlikely) one day, we will never be closer to home again.

August- Finally feel like I’m starting to get the hang of things a bit! I started really putting the baby on a schedule at the beginning of the month and it helped SO much! I finished up real estate classes the end of August. Although I plan on obtaining my Alabama license as well, I have no idea if I’ll actually end up dabbling in real estate (this is a topic for another time, but 2017 will be devoted to more time focusing on myself and my career endeavors). I want to be home with Savannah as much as possible until she’s a few years old, so I’m not sure if a full-time job is right…but I also want a consistent paycheck and a routine schedule, whereas you don’t have that in real estate. Plus, I won’t know the new area AT ALL which is huge- no one is gonna want to work with an agent who’s only lived there a few months, haha. Ok, I’m rambling!

September- This was a busy yet great month! Tyler graduated from Captain Career Course- SO proud of him! It was a short but sweet ceremony and such a great moment being there with him while holding our daughter. My dad and his girlfriend came to visit us a few days later. We went out to eat a few times, showed them around post, and visited Tombstone again. My dad has been talking about Tombstone for years, so it was awesome to have the chance to take him there. He also took Savannah swimming for the very first time! It was so cute and I’ll always remember it 🙂 A few days after they left, Tyler randomly decided that we were going to take a quick trip to see the Grand Canyon. He had been there a few times before but I hadn’t, and I’d been asking him to take me ever since moving out west over four years ago. I’m glad we waited though- it was cool to visit for the first time with Savannah. She did great on the 6-7 hour car ride, and after driving around the canyon for a bit and taking some photos, we headed back down to Flagstaff for the night. It was a quick, yet memorable trip!

October- This month was relaxing and low-key. Tyler was working long hours due to his new class and we didn’t do much which was fine by me. Savannah was Cheer Bear for Halloween (I love me some Care Bears) and I made her little costume!

November- I flew home the first week of November. Tyler was still working really long hours and family missed Savannah, so it was great to get away for it bit. She did better than I expected on the three hour plane ride and time change, but was super weary of everyone at first. I felt so bad because she just wanted me, but Tyler and I are all she really knows- and I’m her mommy! She did lighten up as the days went on, but I’m really hoping she will start opening up as she starts seeing family and friends more often once we move. Anyways, it was a great time and I loved seeing everyone get to meet her! We celebrated Thanksgiving at home and Wrigley’s fourth birthday a few days later.

December- This month has been spent preparing for my upcoming visit to Alabama to pick out our new home (exciting yet terrifying to finally buy!) and getting things ready for the move. Tyler has luckily had a ton of short work days/time off because of the holidays, and while we sometimes too much time together can be a bad thing for us (just being honest, haha), it’s been quite nice! He didn’t want me vocalizing this as he hates attention, but he finished graduate school a few weeks ago. I’m incredibly proud of this man. I have met very few people who are as motivated and determined as he is (not to mention intelligent, financially savvy, and hot!)- he finished his degree in just over two years and was deployed during one of them 🙂 We took Savannah to see Santa Claus for the first time and she could have cared less and had a really relaxing Christmas with just the three of us!

I don’t want it to seem like 2016 was all rainbows and butterflies because that’s definitely not the case. We’ve had some health issues that touched our family and friends. We had arguments and really low times. I had bad postpartum anxiety and finally sought help in November for it. My depression came back, but I don’t want to say it was postpartum depression because it’s something I have struggled with off and on for years, and I believed it has stemmed from figuring out who I am. Yes, I’m a wife, a mommy, a daughter, a sister, a friend, etc., but there is still something missing in my life and I was/am having a hard time with being a stay at home wife/mom. Don’t get me wrong- I’m extremely grateful that we can live comfortably off of Tyler’s income (I know some people complain about soldiers’ pay, but there are many benefits of being active duty, including the health insurance coverage!).

I want to stay at home with Savannah during her first two years or so. We don’t know if we will have any more children and I know I would regret finding full-time work when she’s so young- I LOVE being the one that’s with her all day and I’ve waited for these moments for a while. At the same time, I don’t want to be out of the workforce for too long and I want to find a career that motivates me. I’m in no way knocking women who’s only desire was to be a stay at home mom or those that worked full-time their children’s entire lives- to each their own. I hope to really focus on myself this upcoming year and find a balance personally and professionally. I never wanted to “depend” on a man financially, and that’s what I’ve been doing and it’s scary to me. While I hope things always remain the way they are, we simply cannot predict the future and I not only want to be able to contribute to our family financially, I want to know that I can be financially independent and take care of myself and Savannah without worry.

2017 will be a new slate for us and I can’t wait! A new city, Tyler’s new job, making more memories with our families, and focusing on my future endeavors will definitely keep us busy. Despite the nasty election and the loss of many famous icons, I hope this past year was touched with some good for you all. Wishing everyone a healthy, happy, and safe new year!

 

I Kinda Miss Blogging and What’s Been on My Mind

It’s true- I sometimes miss blogging. I’m not sure if it’s the actual blogging that I miss or just writing, but I really did enjoy sharing snapshots of my life over the past few years. As I mentioned before, I got in touch with some awesome women along the way, and the community made me feel less alone during some dark times. When I started blogging, I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t from a technical aspect (seriously, I suck at all computer stuff, haha), but back in 2012, I was writing just to write. I’d pretty much just discuss issues that were on my mind based on things that I was going through or that I had observed, but sometimes I’d throw in a post about crafts, the army life, or just pointless information that I’m sure no one cares to know about myself 😉 I go through phases with crafts- sometimes I get on a streak and I’m all about DIY projects. The next week I’m so over it and feel like it’s a waste of my time.

I did talk about the army from a military spouse’s perspective, but I never wanted to indulge too much into it. I didn’t want to write about my husband’s job, nor did I feel comfortable from a safety standpoint doing so. Plus, he’s a private person and doesn’t mind when I talk about my stuff, but I know he wouldn’t want me talking about his. So there’s that. I didn’t have a niche, and that was irritating to me because I felt like I didn’t really “fit in” anywhere. Looking back, I never really fit in to a particular group, even during my school years. I wasn’t an athlete, wasn’t in the musical/drama group, wasn’t a brainiac, etc. I was just there, haha. Perhaps I DID fit somewhere from other people’s perspective, but I didn’t feel that way. Unfortunately, I still don’t. And while I’m now 30 years old, married, and have a child, I’m trying to come to terms with still feeling this way. Still trying to find my niche in life.

Newborn pic 🙂 Time is flying by!

This brings me to my next topic. I’m only eight weeks postpartum and I’m already having anxiety about what’s next for me in life from a career standpoint. I know this is just who I am, and I truly am living in the moment with Savannah, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about my future career endeavors. Before I go any further, I should say that I’m SO happy to be able to stay at home with our baby right now and for the next several months. Many mothers don’t have a choice; however, some do but have a career and I know it’s still incredibly hard for them to leave their babies.

Anyways, I have absolutely no idea what the hell I’m going to do. I worked in retail management for a year and a half (most recent) and in my early twenties when I was screwing around by being in and out of school, I worked at a tanning salon for five years (I know, I know- they’re bad, but it was easy income and above minimum wage). My job experience is probably a joke to most people, and I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Who the hell is going to hire me? And in what field? Will I ever be suitable for a job that pays over $14 an hour? Where are we going to move next? What if the job market is worse than it was in El Paso (it’s just more difficult when you’re not bilingual). This is the type of stuff that runs through my head and gets me worked up.

Napping while mommy types 🙂 I’m obsessed with these ring slings, Wildbird.

My little girl doesn’t care what I do right now. All she cares about is looking up and seeing her mommy, or daddy, and being content. Seriously, seeing her smile or grasp my finger with her little hand lights a freaking spark in me. It’s amazing how much she’s already learning, and I know I may never have the opportunity to stay home as long as I will with Savannah if we ever have a second child. So, I’m relishing these moments. On the flip side, working is important to me for three reasons.

Number 1: I want to financially contribute to our family. I want us to be able to take family vacations, buy things and not worry about if our bank account is too low, and save for her college education. And, I want to pay off my student loans ASAP (it’s the only debt we have, and I feel bad because it’s all mine).

We went camping, to the Wisconsin Dells, and to Disney World twice when I was growing up which was totally fine by me, but my husband went SO many places with his family. Seriously like all over the United States, and I think that’s so awesome. Since moving across the country four years ago and seeing places I would’ve never otherwise seen, I’ve learned that traveling is important and special to me. I want to have memories of exploring new places with our children, and NOT go into debt or have to charge all vacation expenses.

Over the past two years or so, I’ve realized that it’s worth buying nicer, higher quality items rather than trying to be frugal and buy something cheap. Now, this isn’t always the case, but when it comes to certain clothes (jeans, shoes, coats) and household goods, I now prefer the better items. They not only look nicer, but they last longer. My ass is not buying closet staples stuff from Forever 21 anymore! I’m still pretty cheap though and do some weird things around the house to save a few pennies 😉 Baby girl has poop explosions so it doesn’t really matter, but I’ve also noticed a difference in baby clothes after washing items from various places.

In regards to college- I think one of the best gifts you can give your children is paying for or partially for their education. Scholarships and grants are great, but you can’t depend on that stuff. You have no idea how intelligent, athletic, musically inclined- whatever- he/she is going to be, so you can’t count on them being good enough for free tuition. If she doesn’t want to go to college, her fund can be transferred over to another family member which is pretty cool.

Being such a good girl while mommy took her 2 month pictures

Number 2: I want to have a career that I enjoy or a job that I really love. I despised retail management at first (and hated the dumb shifts when I was in charge of an update or new floorset, but I actually liked doing that stuff), but I ended up really enjoying the people I worked with. The job taught me a lot- managing a store so much more than just selling clothes which I think many people don’t understand. Anyways, I want to feel good about the work I do because I know that often times carries over into your personal life. I know I’ll be a huge ass grump to everyone if I’m working a shitty job with shitty hours and I’m not satisfied.

Number 3: IF anything were ever to happen, I don’t want to be completely screwed. I love me husband, I love my life, but I also don’t live in a fairy tale land. Things happen, people change, grow apart- so many things cause relationships to unravel, and if we were ever to get to that dark place, I don’t want to feel like I have to stay because I have no other choice due to financial constraints. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ll never be Bill Gates or anything, but I’d at least like to feel somewhat secure and stable if anything were to happen. Some people may disapprove with this point, but you have to be realistic. I also don’t really believe in the whole “staying together for the kids” mantra. If your marriage sucks and there’s no hope, what’s the point? You’ll probably be doing more damage to them as they’ll think that’s how marriage is supposed to be. That’s a topic for another day though 😉

As you can see, my mind is slightly all over the place, but I hope to get a grip and a tentative “plan” in action once we find out where we go next. I’m truly looking forward to staying home with Savannah until then, but I like having both short and long-term goals. I never had goals in my late teens and early twenties and I think that was a major contributor in my floundering. Please don’t tell me not to worry, just to enjoy my time with my baby, or “it’ll all work itself out”. That doesn’t help me any, haha. However, I do have a few questions…

Has anyone else experienced this? I’m kind of afraid that if I do start working, I’ll hate it and wish I was home with Savannah.

Moms that stayed home then went on to work after your child was a bit older- Did you have a hard time finding decent work? I’m afraid the longer I’m out of a job, the harder it’ll be to find something that’s worth it.

Any suggestions on what you could see me doing career-wise? I’m serious, haha. And something that doesn’t require a Master’s degree- that’s not happening!

****I don’t know what’s going to happen with the blog right now, but it felt good getting these thoughts out. Thanks for reading!

 

 

Savannah’s Birth Story

I’m SO incredibly happy to announce the arrival of our daughter, Savannah Claire. Born on Tuesday, May 24th at 1:30am, this 6 pound 4 ounce beauty is 18 inches long and absolute perfection. Today I wanted to share her birth story so we can look back on it over the years. We all know that memories get fuzzy and this is my favorite moment…nothing in the world compares to the love I feel for this little girl and I want to remember it all 🙂 As I’m sitting here typing this, sipping on a cup of chai tea latte, Savannah is sleeping peacefully next to me in her Rock n Play. Despite the prolonged sickness and a few scares along the way, I couldn’t have asked for a better pregnancy, and I loved every second of it.  However, this is what we’ve been waiting for. She is the piece of the puzzle that was missing all that time, and life has never been more beautiful.

Monday, May 23rd started bright and early for me. I didn’t sleep well the night before and was wide awake at 5am when Tyler got up for PT. I needed to pick up a few things from the grocery store, return something at Target, and wanted to stop by Hobby Lobby so I ended up just getting ready and left to do these errands (grocery shopping at 6:30am is awesome by the way- no one gets in my way!). I took my time and got home around 9:30am, then went for a walk before it got too hot out. I spent the rest of the day relaxing as much as I could- sitting outside reading, putting together my planner, bouncing on my big ball while watching TV- living quite the life, haha. My back had been hurting the past several days but it was super bad today. Nothing would soothe it. I even brought my big ball into a hot shower and sat under the shower head to try and relieve some pressure! Tyler got home and we had homemade bison burgers and sauted zuchinni and summer squash for dinner. We spent the evening watching TV (or a movie; I can’t remember) and I was ready for bed by 9:30. We got into bed a little after 10, but the second I laid down on my snoogle, I was blown away by a contraction…and they wouldn’t stop.

Tyler said to start counting, but they were literally coming one after another and I just knew this was the real deal so I didn’t even care to count- we had to go in. We were out the door within 10 minutes and arrived at the hospital about 10:45pm. We checked in and I was sent to Triage to see if I was actually in labor. They took for freaking ever to see me…I wanted to tear some shit up for making we wait, but I couldn’t even move with the contractions- they literally took my breath away! The nurse finally came in and checked me- I was at 4cm. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes without any hesitation. I knew it was highly unlikely that I’d have a natural birth, but I wanted to wait until I was 4-6cm to get one, and luckily, I was already there. We had to wait for the anesthesiologist, and in the meantime, they moved me into a labor and delivery room. These rooms are awesome by the way! The hospital is brand new and the rooms are all super spacious.

During the last several weeks of being pregnant, I kept wondering what real contractions felt like. Well, they hurt pretty darn bad, like super bad menstrual cramps. The nurse said things were progressing quickly as my contractions were back to back, but they wouldn’t check me again until after the epidural was administered. Side note: I wondered how Tyler would handle labor and delivery and was hoping it’d be a good experience for us both (not annoying each other, haha). It was better than I could’ve imagined. He was SO great during the whole process and held my hand during every contraction.

Anyways, right after I received the epidural the nurse did another cervical check- I was at 8cm. The epidural was still taking effect so I continued feeling every contraction for another 10 or 15 minutes at this point. The nurses couldn’t believe how fast the labor was unfolding and that I wasn’t screaming in pain with the contractions. As anxiety ridden as I am, I must say that I handled active labor and the beginning of the transition phase well 😉 I was incredibly calm about it all (probably because I was in so much pain), and was more concerned about focusing on my breathing to get through each one. It sounds super cliche, but breathing techniques really do work. I remember saying I was scared and not ready a few times, but there was no crazy screaming or crying. And once the epidural started working, I was great! Haha.

When the doctor got there and checked me, I was at 9cm. My bag was bulging and he broke it (I guess some women are against this, but I’m not sure why but I’m interested in knowing- I didn’t care at this point. If anyone has the answer, let me know!). He said to relax and rest as much as I can while I dilate that last centimeter. I dozed off for about 20-30 minutes while Tyler kept in contact with my mom. Before I knew it, I was fully dilated and the nurse was explaining to me how to push…

We learned that Savannah was face up and this position makes it more difficult to actually push the baby out. After trying a handful of times, her heart rate started to decrease and the doctor did an episiotomy. She was out screaming her little head off with the next push, and it was hands down the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. They placed her directly on my chest while they toweled her off and I just stared. I always thought I’d cry right after birth if we ever had a baby…but ironically, I didn’t. I think I was in just too much disbelief about how fast it happened and that she was finally really here. Tyler leaned down and kissed me…we were now what I’d been dreaming of…our own little family of three (well, 5 because our dogs are a huge part of us).

I’m aware that a labor this fast and “easy” is far and few between, and I’m beyond blessed that this is my story. I was worried that I’d have a long and complicated labor, but I didn’t care- a healthy baby is all we wished for in the end, no matter what it took to get there. This is probably why I didn’t have much of a birth plan- it’s something you really have no control over. And, after everything we’ve endured since September 2013, I think we deserved something to go seemlessly 😉

I know a few months back I said that I was done with the blog, but part of me still wanted to share the rest of our pregnancy journey…so that’s what I did. However, we’ve now reached our final destination. Though I’ve written about an array of topics (some controversial or that people may not have agreed with), the loss/infertility blogging community that I found helped me tremendously over the past 2.5 years. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed “meeting” some amazing women- getting insight, holding on to hope, and simply just feeling like I wasn’t abnormal. I hope that perhaps I’ve helped someone along the way as well.

We may be “on the other side” now, but I’ll never forget the heartache I’ve felt. The past couple of years have been the most stressful, emotionally difficult time in my life; however, I know that nothing worthwhile is ever easy. The loss, trouble conceiving again, and deployment have made my marriage stronger, opened my eyes to the types of relationships I have and want in my life, and taught me that patience is absolutely necessary in everything we do. I knew I jinxed myself bv getting the word “Time” tattooed on my wrist on Spring Break when I was 21 because of a boy, haha 😉

I’m signing off with a prayer that helped me through the pregnancy. The Serenity Prayer helped calm my nerves before every doctor’s appointment or when I was simply feeling scared and needed to keep myself in check. Maybe someone else will find this comforting.

Finally, I’m not sure if anyone can recall the video I made announcing our pregnancy titled “Waiting for Our Rainbow”, but I’ve included it below.

I always want our daughter to know just how much she was wanted- how we hoped, wished, and prayed for a long time that something grander than we ever imagined was waiting for us…and it was. I’ve cursed the notion of “time” for years…the 12 month long distance relationship with Tyler; being in and out of school and finally getting my degree at the age of 27 (my fault); it going by so fast the few times I get to see my family each year; trouble conceiving…waiting for new cycles, ovulation, then test results, and doing that over and over while trying to remain sane as you see or hear about pregnancy announcements; and my husband being deployed in the midst of it. Yet, if it weren’t for all of these things, I wouldn’t be the mommy to the most beautiful girl in the world.

TIME has brought Savannah’s heart to me…and the second I saw those two pink lines, my life forever changed again. I took a ton of photos throughout the pregnancy simply because I absolutely loved being pregnant with her. Anyways, I wanted to share the video I made documenting the pregnancy of our miracle. I cried about a thousand times adding photos to this over the past few weeks 😉

 

We love you, Savannah. Thank you for choosing us to be your mommy and daddy 🙂

 

Pregnancy Update (Weeks 37-38)

Still pregnant! Tomorrow I’ll be 39 weeks, so I’m posting this recap of the past two weeks today.

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: Really good when I can sleep. I’ve been good for the most part (aside from getting up about 3 times), but I’ve had a few nights when I woke up and could NOT fall back asleep. My mind was racing and I was having just all around anxiety but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was from. I know I’m at the point in the pregnancy when all we can do is wait until she’s ready to come, but I’m still so, so worried will happen…I hate writing this and I’m NOT being negative- just being truthful. I know it’s my anxiety that’s getting the best of me, but I’ll go into more detail later in this post.

Best moment: Feeling her moving around…I absolutely LOVE this about pregnancy. Spending evenings and weekends with Tyler. We’ve been grilling out, watching movies at home, going to the movies (well, only twice as there isn’t much out that looks good), and it’s nice having this time together without rushing to do last minute things. My brother got me a baby book for her that I spent time earlier this week filling out (well, I filled out what I could about the pregnancy and whatnot). It obviously mostly focuses on her first couple of years, and it was probably my most favorite gift. My grandma gave me my dads a few months ago, and it’s so cool to read. I know it’s not something she’ll appreciate until she’s way older, but I think having stuff like this is important. I’m sure every first time mom says that, but I’m pretty good with keeping up with things like that 😉 We also got our maternity pictures back (had them done at 37 weeks exactly), and I LOVE them!

Miss anything? Aside from some of the food I’ve mentioned in the last couple of posts, no.

Movement: Yes- some days she’s more active than others though.

Food cravings: Nothing sounds great anymore. I like breakfast and dinner the best and like looking forward to these meals, but seriously nothing sounds appetizing. So no, there haven’t been any cravings. My homemade smoothies are probably what I want the most though, but I always crave these when the weather is hot.

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Not really. Easy, simple meals are what sound the best though.

Workouts: Walking a shit ton!!! Seriously, I’ve been using my Fitbit after not using it for basically the entire pregnancy (walking to and from the bathroom was my exercise the first 4-5 months, haha), and I’ve been logging in at least 10,000 steps a day which may not sound like much, but when you’re almost 40 weeks pregnant, I’ll say that’s pretty damn good 😉 The weather is beautiful here and I really enjoy these leisurely walks- sometimes alone and sometimes with the dogs (one at a time, I can’t handle walking both of them together!). Light free weights as well. And stretching. I’m still so not flexible, haha.

37 weeks.

Showing? Yes.

Gender: Girl.

Symptoms: Lower back pain -it’s really hard to get comfortable. I think I stand/walk so much because sometimes that feels better than sitting down. This is probably TMI but it’s a fact that I didn’t know about beforehand, but leakage. We actually went to Triage about two weeks ago because I thought there might be a leak in my amniotic fluid sack (it’s a clear liquid). They tested it and it wasn’t, but yeah. It’s a lot, no fun, and kinda freaks me out sometimes. Contractions but nothing consistent.

Belly button in or out?  Out.

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: As I mentioned above, I’ve been pretty anxious. Don’t get me wrong- I’m enjoying this time with myself and my husband before everything changes. I’m relaxing, watching shows, reading books, enjoying walks, etc., but I’ve had some not-so-great moments. I’m pretty sure many pregnant women get like this at this point, but I’m also terrified and I’m not sure if that’s relatable to those that have not experienced a loss or infertility. Losses haunt you no matter how far along you were. Infertility makes you think that this is too good to be true, and with these two aspects coupled together, you live in a state of apprehension and fear.

With someone that deals with anxiety to begin with, it’s quite…overwhelming…when you’re pregnant and have these issues behind you. Medication (though I wasn’t on it that long- just after our miscarriage and when Tyler deployed), exercise, and having a drink (not a good way to deal with anxiety or depression, I know) were ways that I dealt with this before…and I had none of this throughout the past nine months to help calm my emotions. It’s been challenging, but also an awesome thing as I’ve had to find other outlets to push out my fears, such as talking through them with those closest to me, crafting, organizing, and really just taking a good, hard look at what I’m feeling at the moment and why. I could go on about this, but I’ll stop here. I just want it to be known that while we’ve been so incredibly blessed to be experiencing a pregnancy, it’s still very scary.

Belly is SO tight!!!

Looking forward to?  Meeting our baby girl- hopefully within the next WEEK!!!!

Pregnancy Update (Weeks 35-36)

Today I’m 37w2d! The past couple of weeks have been somewhat nerve-wracking, but all is well 🙂 At my OB appointment during week 35, the doctor wanted me to get another ultrasound done to recheck her growth. This is a huge pain in the ass because they send me to a diagnostic place to get it done, but before it can be scheduled, my insurance needs to authorize it first. Standard, but when your anxious about your baby, it’s annoying with how long this process can take. I was able to get in six days later- the day before my next OB appointment.

Everything was measuring fine (just a couple of days behind), but the tech couldn’t get a good measurement of her head….again. After 45 minutes of trying everything to get little girl to move her head, the tech finally just said she was going to take the best read and sent me on my way, but told me that her head was measuring in the 2 percentile. UMMM, WTF?! Thank God my doctor appointment was the next day- it was such a long night trying not to think about what this could possibly mean.

My husband surprised me and showed up at the appointment which was awesome. He hasn’t been able to go to any of them except the initial appointment here at like 25 weeks because of work which is totally fine, but I was nervous going into this one. We saw one of the OB’s that we haven’t met with before and he seemed really great- I’m glad that I’ve met them all now and will feel comfortable delivering with any of them! Anyways, we gave a quick background of what’s going on and he looked up the results…everything looks fine! The reason why the tech couldn’t get a good read is because of how low the baby’s head is in the birth canal already. He said there’s absolutely no way she could get a good picture at this point and seemed a little annoyed that she told me what she did and didn’t realize it. He also checked and I’m 2cm dilated and 100% effaced…and he could feel her head, haha. This was a little creepy, and no, I ain’t about to try and check myself. Those checks aren’t fun at all 😉 This doesn’t mean much as I know I could stay this way for a while, but at least there’s a little progression!

35w3d

Maternity clothes? Yes.

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: It’s good, but I’m getting up at least 3 times. I’m ready to stop using that damn Snoogle as well (although it’s super comfy!).

Best moment: Getting the good results from the doctor! My mom and my dad and his girlfriend also sent me the most touching Mother’s Day cards (obviously separate, haha). It was an awesome surprise and really made me feel good…It’s the little things- I remember stuff like that 😉

I unfortunately fell off the wagon with taking these pictures…there’s a gap between weeks 25-31 and 31-36, haha. Oops!

Also, I wasn’t planning on getting maternity photos done. I’ve taken a million selfies (sorry, people) and Tyler’s taken a handful of nicer shots with our nice camera that I’ve edited a bit to look cooler (the background and lighting and stuff- I’m still learning!)…so I didn’t see the point of spending money on them. Plus, we’re like super awkward when taking photos together, haha, and he could care less about being in any of them. However, I REALLY want newborn pictures. I’m sure I could do them myself and save a ton of money, but it’s not the same and I didn’t want that extra stress. After some discussion and searching around, I found a local photographer who does newborn shoots that look great (it’s imperative to ensure that photographers have worked with newborns before! Don’t just hire any photographer for this…at least, I didn’t want someone messing with our daughter that didn’t have much experience handling a tiny baby). Anyways, she had a deal going on that you got a mini maternity shoot when getting a newborn session done, so we, of course, took it. However, I had nothing to wear…serious issue, I know. I wasn’t about to go buy something for one day and I didn’t want to wear the dress I wore at the shower (it was outside and just didn’t fit with the feel of where we were at)…so I wore a boho type flowy short dress…it’ll be interesting to see what I looked like, haha. I just hope we got some good pics of Tyler and me- all we’ve pretty much had are selfies the past four years!

Below are a few that Tyler took at exactly 36 weeks. Part of me feels so weird taking lots of photos, but the other part of me gives no F and is embracing this time. Some people may be uncomfortable with belly shots, and there was probably a time I may have given it an eye roll as well…but I’ll never forget the days that I longed for this…that I’d look at very pregnant women and wonder what it was like. I mean damn, I see gym selfies all the freaking time documenting #progress, so why the hell not document my #bellyprogress 😉 Anyways,  my husband did good with the pics, but I’m only showing a few. I was wearing lace underwear in some of them, but don’t worry, I cropped that out, haha. Nothing was showing and they’re super tasteful, but I do draw the line…sometimes 🙂

Miss anything? Sushi and over easy eggs over avocado and cheddar on toast. I seriously want both SO bad. And a turkey sandwich (I’ve avoided all lunch meat).

Movement: Yep! Most active in the early morning and evening.

Food cravings: See above. No real cravings, but smoothies are still great.

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Nope!

36w5d.

Workouts: Walks and light free weights. Lots of stretching but nothing of a routine.

Showing? Yes…although I’m not as big as I anticipated I’d be. I don’t know if I thought I was going to get ginormous or what, but I’m glad I didn’t buy more maternity clothes. I’ve actually only worn my one pair of maternity jeans that I found on clearance at H&M for $7- they’re my favorite and don’t look maternity at all! I wish I would’ve taken back the other two pairs of Jessica Simpson one’s I got because I’ve literally worn those once each…oh well.

Gender: Girl.

Symptoms: Lot’s of shooting pain towards my crotch. Doc said this is her resting inside my pelvis. Fatigue. A bit hormonal, but I’ve felt much better these past two weeks than the two weeks prior. Lower back aches as the day goes on.

Belly button in or out?  Out, but it’s not like super out.

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: Nervous and excited! I can’t believe we’re almost there…and I can’t fucking wait to become a family of three.

Looking forward to? Getting one last pedicure and a hair touch up this week (don’t tell Tyler, haha). I know I won’t be completely tied to the house forever, but I’d rather relax and pamper myself a bit now and not be bitching about how God awful my hair looks in a month 😉 I’m just really enjoying this time now, and I’m so glad I got things done pretty early. The house is super clean and organized (scrubbing kitchen floors at 37 weeks pregnant is no fun though), and I can basically do whatever I want right now…sit outside and read, take the dogs on a walk whenever, come and go to stores just to browse around (although our options are very limited in this town…boo), take a nap or watch TV if I please. I know everything is on the verge of changing, and I don’t plan on being a SAHM for longer than the first year, if that, so when and if I do get pregnant again, it’ll be an entirely different experience. I’m really grateful for how the timing worked out…although we like money…so having only a few stores in town is good, haha.

Pregnancy Update (Weeks 32-34)

So…I’m technically not writing on the blog anymore, but these pregnancy updates are important to me. I really want to have them to look back on, you know? So today I’m just sharing how things have been regarding pregnancy the past three weeks 🙂

Maternity clothes? Yes- although I can fit into normal workout shorts (I wear them below my belly obviously!)…all shirts are maternity. However, I’ve been wearing dresses or a swim suit a lot, haha. It’s getting hot here!

Stretch marks? Nope. I heard sometimes they don’t show up until after birth? Anyone know if this is true?

Sleep: Good for the most part aside from getting up 2-3 times a night…but when I sleep, I sleep hard!

Best moment: I know you’re never truly “ready”, but I feel relieved and happy that things are pretty much done in preparation of her! Nursery is complete, clothes and all of her stuff is washed and organized, healthy freezer meals/snacks are all made, labeled, and stowed away, car seat inspection is done, hospital and diaper bag are put together. The next several weeks are devoted to “me” time and time with my husband- doing whatever the heck we want! I think this is important and I’m so glad I got shit done early so we have this extra time and aren’t scrambling for last minute things.

32 weeks

Miss anything? Sleeping without waking up to pee a bunch of times and literally rolling out of bed, haha. It’s no biggie, but the only thing I can think of!

Movement: Yep- some days she’s super active and others she’s more laid back…

Food cravings: My sister mentioned and she made biscuits and gravy a few weeks ago and I needed to have it! I bought the stuff to make it (healthy version of course- turkey breakfast sausage and whole wheat biscuits, haha), so I think we’ll have that Sunday night. My normal pre-pregnancy sweet tooth is kinda back. Ice cream sounded so gross to me for like the past seven months, but I’ve been wanting it lately. Although I can’t have much- just a few bites and I’m satisfied….which is still unusual for me, haha. Fruit is still SO good- I got a mini watermelon, pineapple, and cantaloupe on sale the other day and I’m excited to make a huge fruit salad this weekend. Grapes, sliced Ambrosia or Honey Crisp apples, and pears are what I had this week. Cucumbers are also good right now- like even plain, haha. 

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Mexican food is still unappealing. The smell of strong coffee (I haven’t had any coffee at all- just a few sips of Tyler’s iced coffee every now and then).

Workouts: Just walking the dogs, free weights for arms, and stretching! I’ve been using the birthing ball to sit on during the day and when I’m stretching and it feels SO good! I’ve never had back issues and I think stretching and using the ball are helping.

34 weeks.

Showing? Um yes 😉

Gender: Girl.

Symptoms: Contractions have eased up a bit- I did go back to Triage two weeks ago for contractions and cramping and had another NST done. I’ve been keeping stress to a minimum (not over-analyzing the future and whatnot) and it’s seemed to have helped. As I mentioned above, my back is started to hurt…and fatigue which is normal in the third trimester. My stomach is literally rock hard. Everyone says I’m “all belly”, so I don’t know if that’s it or what, but it feels so weird!!!

Belly button in or out? Out…and it’s weird! 

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: UMMM, haha. All over the place.

Looking forward to: My next OB appointment! I’ll be seen weekly from here on out and next week I do the Strep B test and have a pelvic exam done. We’re also taking more pictures this weekend! I opted out of maternity photos and we’re doing our own. I couldn’t find anything I liked to wear IF we had them done (what I wanted out Etsy would’ve taken a month to get done and shipped to me- I didn’t want to risk not having time if she comes early) and I wasn’t too impressed with the photographers I looked at…I don’t know, I was just kinda like ehhh about it. It was fun to do our own a few weeks ago (32 weeks), but I need to learn how to use damn Photoshop on our computer, haha. I figured we’d do a few more this weekend at 35 weeks and then again at 38.

32 weeks.

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!

A Farewell Post & Nursery Reveal

***As many of you are probably aware, my blog was shut down last week. I had a handful of people (bloggers and personal contacts) reach out to ensure the baby and me were okay- we are! I apologize for leaving anyone hanging or worried- this was a personal choice. Living in Bliss has been an awesome outlet for me over the past couple of years. I’ve opened myself up more than I ever thought I could with writing about being newly married and starting our lives together at our first duty station (Fort Bliss- hence, where the name came from, haha), to experiencing a heartbreaking loss, TTC again, battling infertility, going through a deployment alone, trying to find myself, and discussing sensitive topics such as self esteem, self confidence, and floundering as a late teen and early adult. I can’t tell you how many times I sat writing with tears streaming down my face as I navigated through these issues and felt SO much better after I got it all out. I know- this is not a diary and I could’ve easily done the same thing without sharing it with others…but I know how it feels to deny your feelings so that you feel less alone, or weird, or lost, and if I could help one person feel a little better and give them hope, then it was worth it.

With that being said, http://www.livingnbliss.com no longer exists, but I am keeping http://www.livingnbliss.wordpress.com up and searchable. Despite the blog being down for merely a week, I had a few people ask about miscarriage/infertility stuff and I want my journey to be viewable as it may continue to help others (everything is organized under the Miscarriage/Loss tab on my homepage). I never made a dime off the blog, and while I played with the thought here and there of really devoting more time into the space and attempting to make it as a full-fledged blogger, my heart wasn’t in it in that way- I wrote just to write- nothing more. I also won’t be posting anymore. I don’t know if this will be temporary or permanent, but it’s what’s best for me right now. I’ve been toying with the idea of vlogs, but it kinda weirds me out as well, haha. We shall see 😉

My Facebook page (personal and Living in Bliss) is also deactivated indefinitely, but you can follow me on Instagram as I continue on with my pregnancy and into mommyhood- ksingleton916. It’s private so I’ll have to approve it 😉

Finally, a huge thank you to everyone that’s found and followed me since Living in Bliss was created. Though I wrote about an array of other topics, the loss and IF community will always be important to me, and I’m rooting for those that are still in the midst of the darkness. A few things I’ve learned is that you HAVE to be your own advocate. Do not sit around and wait- if you feel like something just isn’t right or are hesitant about what your doctor says- do your research and get a second, or even third, opinion. I truly don’t think I’d be 8.5 months pregnant with this beautiful miracle if I had just waited and prayed for it to be “our time”. Science doesn’t work like that. Also, don’t give up hope in the meantime. This is easy to say, but incredibly difficult to do. Even during my worst moments, I’d remind myself that there is something bigger, something unimaginable, at the end of the tunnel- and that proved to be true when we found out we were expecting the cycle before IVF started. And lastly, miracles DO happen. This goes beyond conception- it can be applied in many aspects of life 🙂

Alright- I wrote this nursery reveal post a week or so ago but hadn’t shared it yet when I decided this about the blog. I wasn’t planning on publishing it, but after some consideration, I really wanted to- I’m excited as hell about our little girl and thoroughly enjoyed rehashing everything I did (Tyler hung the stuff on the wall, lol). So that’s what I’ll be sharing in my little farewell post today!

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It may seem a bit early to be completely done with the nursery (I actually finished it during week 30-I’m now in week 34!), but there was no need to wait and let me tell ya- it feels damn good! I was kind of a crazy person for two weeks after we returned from visiting family and having our baby shower with organizing, finishing the decorating, and writing thank you cards (my husband will vouch for this, haha). However, it feels awesome to know that her room is complete and ready to go so that I can spend the next several weeks working on little craft projects, reading, relaxing, and spending quality time with my husband. While I’ve absolutely LOVED decorating our daughter’s room, I’ve spent quite a few evenings running errands, re-doing old decorations, or organizing and it’s a relief to be done 🙂

I wanted to share photos of the baby’s room not only to look back on and remember exactly what I did, but also to show that it IS possible to decorate without breaking the bank. I find it fascinating how expensive shit can be sometimes, and although sometimes it’s not worth the time or money to recreate it yourself, sometimes it is 😉 I also had some items that were special to me that I wanted to incorporate into the room which I’ll note below.

The theme of the nursery is shabby chic. I’m not into nursery themes AT ALL so I hate labeling ours, but it does that that feel.  I went back and forth on the style of room I wanted to create…I feel like this is something I’ve always struggled with as I have various tastes, haha. I love shabby chic/vintage/antique décor, but I’d NEVER have my entire house decorated like that. It can be a bit much- cluttered, chaotic, and super grandma-ish feeling sometimes (sorry, but it’s the truth. In fact, Tyler told me that I’d definitely be able to get a job going around the country decorating nursing homes when I was searching for her crib bedding, haha). Over the past few years, I’ve tended to gravitate towards very simple, minimal home décor designs and lighter colors. Anyways, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go the shabby chic route or not, but I ultimately decided that I would. My goal was feminine without being too over-the-top girly, soft, and tranquil. I REALLY wanted a white or grayish color convertible crib and matching furniture, but my husband liked espresso better. It wasn’t a huge deal to me so espresso it was (…and we may always have a second child in which I can get white if I still want it, haha).

One last thing- as you’ll see, I got most of my crafting supplies or miscellaneous items from Hobby Lobby. This company is totally ass backwards and I don’t agree with their ideas and practices at all; however, that doesn’t stop me from shopping there. Hypocritical, but whatever! 🙂 Alright, here we go…Oh, and just so no one gets their panties in a wad or tries lecturing me- yes, the crib bumpers ARE in. We don’t plan on her actually sleeping in her crib until she’s a couple of months old and when the time comes, they WILL come off…and the blanket will not be used to cover her. We also hung shit above her bed, but it’s pretty high up and it’s secure. Same with the fabric garland. I know she’ll eventually start grabbing at things- the decor can be removed super easily. Just wanted to throw that out there 🙂

View walking in

S may stand for our last name 😉 Anyways, I painted the letter S an off white (although it looks whiter in these pics) and “believe” gold. My OBGYN at Fort Bliss, who was there with us during our first pregnancy and loss and throughout our TTC journey, always told me to believe. She herself went through IVF and said she had to keep reminding herself of that during the darkest times. I stumbled across the word at Hobby Lobby one day and instantly grabbed it- I knew I wanted to incorporate it in her bedroom somehow. I found the gold mirror and picture at Hobby Lobby on clearance for $8 each 🙂

 

As you can see, I changed up the flower a bit (Hobby Lobby clearance).

Tyler LOVED hanging this little gallery, haha 😉

We opted not to get the changer thing that can go on top of this dresser- it just seemed pointless and like a waste of money. I’ve seen fabric garlands on Pinterest and really wanted to make one, but I had the decor above her crib already done. It turned out perfect for her room!

The mirror was $8 from Marshalls and initially silver. I painted it to match the gold above her bed (I’m not a huge fan of gold, but this is a bit softer).

S was found at Kirklands on clearance for $4 before we moved. I painted the picture frame to match and found the burlap box at HB for $4. I bought stickers and little flowers to put on it- I used VERY little hot glue so that I can redo them someday if need be or use them for something else.

Before any changes were made

Soft gold all over and painted the flowers

Finished 🙂

 

Diapers will be in the rectangular storage unit that’s under the warmer for easy access. The doily that the warmer is on was made by my grandma (my mom’s mom). She loved to sew and crochet and I really wanted to use some in the baby’s room . It worked perfectly to cover up the plastic shelf thing! All diapering essentials are in the top middle drawer in an organizer.

The bedding is Cotton Tales Tea Party. I LOVE the matching mobile 🙂 The fitted sheet it came with is too busy for me, but I knew we’d need extra so I bought two sets of soft pink to alternate through.

The bedding came with 9 pieces, including the valence. I can’t wait hold her in my arms in the glider that my best friend gifted us!

My mom bought us the “Twinkle, twinkle little star, do you know how loved you are?” that she used at our baby shower 🙂

Picture frame I redid. I put the poem that my dad gave to me at our shower in it- it fit perfect and meant so much to me. My mom found the spoon while I was visiting home when going through my box of old stuff. I gave it to her when I was little but have no recollection of it, haha. The little plant thing was on clearance at Marshalls- I painted the pot and added the pearls and pink crystal things to it. The gem lamp was bought for me by my husband when he was deployed- it’s beautiful! The doily was made by my late maternal grandmother.

My mom got me the garden snow globe a few years ago. She also got me the flower décor in the back- I painted the pot and added the pearls to the bottom. The bunny was purchased on sale at HB (looked shabby chic- no importance, haha). Doily made by my grandma.

Closer look.

Pano view.

The bedroom is pretty damn small so options were limited. Also, we will be moving in September/October so I obviously wasn’t going to paint the room or add too much to the walls. However, I think it turned out well given our limited space and time in this house. We bought a mosquito net (or crib netting, whatever the hell it’s called) in an off white that I wanted to put in the corner so it hung above her crib, but the room is just too freaking small. It had lace on the top part and was adorable and was a great deal on Amazon, so we decided to save it so that it can hopefully be used in the future at our next place. At first I thought there might be too much in the room, but it’s not cluttered looking- I HATE clutter! I only like a few things on dressers, countertops, whatever, otherwise, it just feels overwhelming to me. On the other hand, my husband thinks that if there is space somewhere, something must go there to fill it, haha. We’ve luckily found a happy medium over the years 😉

We asked for books in lieu of a card at the baby shower, and I’m SO grateful that people were more than happy to oblige. I’ll take photos once her closet is a bit more organized (still waiting to receive the rest of the stuff we bought), but she has two shelving units filled with books! I had to organize those according to size, of course 😉

So that’s it! I really did have so much fun shopping for stuff, re-doing things, and incorporating items from my mom and grandma- I can’t believe how well they went with the colors!  And aside from asking my husband to hang the shit on the walls, I did everything myself, although I’d text my mom often asking which she liked better 😉 Thank you, mama- I love you! That’s one of the pitfalls of living so far away from family…not being able to do these special things together. I know I probably did this more for myself as she won’t remember it, but it brought me so much joy and peace…It IS possible to create a cute space for your little one without going balls out or breaking the bank! There were a few times I almost said screw it because I’d be looking on Pinterest or Facebook and see other nursery’s that were absolutely gorgeous and the comparison trap started making it’s way into my mind…but honestly, who gives a F? Almost everything in the room has a special meaning and I know that it’s redonkulous to go absolutely nucking futs for a bedroom. The most important thing is having a healthy baby- and she won’t care if it looks like it’s out of a magazine or not 😉

Thank you again for reading! I’ll still be reading other’s blogs, so I’m not disappearing for good. Hope everyone is well!

Did you decorate your baby’s room? Do a theme?

Did you have a decorating budget?

Has anyone done a vlog or used Periscope before (I like the idea of this as it deletes after 24 hours!).

 

Visitors After the Baby’s Arrival

I know visitor’s after the baby’s arrival can be a big issue for couples (I even googled it and there are a ton of discussion boards with venting wives, lol) and I’ve been asked a handful of times my stance on it, so that’s what I want to discuss today. I think it’s super important for spouses to be on the same page regarding and it’s something that should be discussed before the baby is born. The last thing you need is arguing with each other during an already stressful (yet amazing!) time if it could’ve been prevented.

Tyler and I are in a different situation that many couples because we live across the country from literally all family and close friends. That being said, we won’t have the issues with people just dropping by unannounced or last minute which is good in a way because that would probably drive me freaking crazy, haha. I’ve written about it several times, but if you don’t already know, I have anxiety issues which have gotten much better, but they’re still there. I liked things planned ahead as much as possible 😉 Anyways, this also means that family or friends will be flying in to see us which is awesome but can be overwhelming as well. That being said, I think it’s best that family comes down in cycles and that their visits do not overlap with each other.

http://www.njfamily.com/NJ-Family/January-2013/Rules-for-Visiting-A-New-Mom/

Tyler and I downsized when we moved to Arizona. Though we have three bedrooms, they’re SMALL. We have our master, baby girl has her nursery and we have the spare room as the computer/treadmill/movie/army room. We physically were not able to have an extra bedroom for guests, but we honestly didn’t have many visitors in El Paso anyways and this time we’re only here for 8-9 months (will be moving again in September/October). That being said, we can’t have anyone staying with us when they visit. My brother and sister will be staying here- they’re young and I’d never expect them to pay for a hotel. Plus, they could care less if they slept on the couch or air mattress for a week! I can also tell them when they’re annoying the crap out of me and don’t feel like I have to entertain them or that they’ll be judging me on my new mothering, haha 😉 Just kidding…kinda 🙂

They’ll be here from June 25-July 3 which I think is great timing. If the baby comes on time, that gives us a month to get used to being with her by ourselves, learn her cues, etc. And I’m pretty sure that I won’t want to be taking her out the first few weeks. I’m hoping not to be an overprotective parent, but I really don’t see the point of taking a newborn out unless necessary. There isn’t much to do or good places to eat in our town anyways, haha.

My dad and his girlfriend plan on coming down in late July or August. That’ll be nice because by then I should hopefully be catching on to things a bit. My mom is kinda on stand-by- she said she’ll be here whenever I want her to. We don’t think that Tyler will get the normal 10 day leave that you get in the military after your spouse has a baby. This is because Tyler is not in the “regular” army right now (I forgot the technical term)- he’s in Captain Career Course which is a six month school that can’t be interrupted. There may be some way to get around this, but this would prolong our stay here a bit, his graduation date, and I really want him to do what’s best for him. He won’t be deployed or in the field and I know he’ll be helping out as much as possible when he’s home (CCC means normal hours!). I’m thinking I want my mom to come right before or after my brother and sister…but it really all depends on when she makes her debut. If she comes early, then definitely before! Ideally, I’d like her to come about two weeks after she’s born (she’ll need to give work a heads up!), but we shall see.

I’m eager and nervous to see how the dogs, especially Wrigley, react to the baby…

We’re super excited to have visitor’s this summer and for everyone to meet our new addition! I just want everyone to be happy and feel like they had sufficient time with us and her and not have to worry about “sharing”, lol, if that makes sense. We should find out where we PCS to next in June or July, and if possible, we want to visit home after that move. It all depends on where we are located. If it does work out, I’m hoping we will have her baptized then. My dad’s side of the family is Catholic, and my brother, sister, and I were all baptized and had our Communions and Confirmations. Though I’m not an active church-goer, it’s important to me that she’s baptized, and my best friend’s father is a Deacon at the Catholic church we used to go to. I think it’d be so awesome to have him do it! I’m getting ahead of myself though, haha.

We also bought a camera so that family or friends will be able to see the baby when we turn it on and she’s within range. At first I was super hesitant about this. I thought Tyler wanted it running all the time so family would be able to see her whenever they wanted. That definitely was not okay by me. I mean, what if I was breastfeeding her and my boobs were poppin out? Or she was having a crying fit and I couldn’t get her to stop? Or….I could list a ton of other scenarios that just wouldn’t be cool. He assured me that there will be certain times and we’ll let family know when we’ll be turning it on. I thought this was pretty much the same thing as Skype or FaceTime, but I just let him buy it and set it up if it’ll make him happy 😉

I’ll be sharing the nursery post next week so check back! Hope everyone has a great weekend.

What are your thoughts on visitor’s after having the baby?

Did you and your spouse have a plan? Was it difficult to come to an agreement?

Have any stories you want to share or advice for me?

 

Pregnancy Update (Weeks 30 & 31)

I’m not sure why, but the past two weeks crept by pretty damn slow. I guess that’s good for a change seeing as the past two months have flown by 🙂 Not much is happening on our end. I’ve started making freezer meals/snacks for when baby girl arrives and noting healthy, easy meals that we can throw together. We’re good about eating healthy (well I am, haha), but some are a bit time consuming and I’m slow as hell in the kitchen, so I thought prepping a little beforehand would be beneficial 🙂

I’m measuring a bit small, so we have a growth scan set for Tuesday, April 5. I’m PRAYING everything looks great. It’s  worrisome, but I just have to believe all will be good- she could simply just be little and the doc said I’m tiny myself (although I’m 5’7″ so I’m not petite) and have remained within the guidelines of healthy weight gain…I got sucked in and googled measuring small at 31 weeks and kinda freaked out… Anyways, I’m trying not to think about that and just be positive, so let’s move on!

Maternity clothes? Yep- I don’t think this should even be a question anymore!

Stretch marks? Nope

30 weeks.

Sleep: Sleep is good when I’m asleep aside from the weird dreams that I still have. I’ve dreamed about the two homes I lived in as a child and teen more times than I can count, and SO many people that I haven’t seen or spoken to in years have made their way into my dreams and it’s pretty fucking odd. I’m getting up 2-3 times to pee but can generally fall right back asleep. Sleeping on solely my sides is a bit aggravating after doing it so long as well. I tend to sleep more on my back and sometimes I wake up like that but quickly move to my side.  

Best moment: Driving up to the Phoenix area for a Cubs spring training game! The drive is a little less than three hours, so we headed up there early afternoon (it happened to fall on the day I turned 30 weeks), had an early dinner then went to the game.

Finishing her nursery! I know it’s a bit early, but since I’m not working or bedridden due to morning sickness all day, I have lots of time on my hands 🙂 I absolutely love it and find myself standing or sitting in there throughout the day smiling in disbelief that this is really happening. I’ll be sharing pictures in an upcoming post.

We also received the completion discount on our Amazon registry so we ordered the rest of the stuff! Everything totaled up to being over $750 (crazy…), but after a few gift cards we received and using our 15% off, it was around $400 or so (the convertible car seat and Ergo Baby 360 took up a good portion of that cost. If anyone is interested, we went with a Diono car seat after researching it for a LONG time, but our stroller travel system is Britax). Finishing the Babies R Us registry is next (waiting for the completion coupon) and thankfully, there isn’t TOO much left on that one, and then we’re done! Well, for now, haha.

Cubs Spring training game! 30 weeks.

 

Miss anything? Aside from family, nope.

Movement: Yes- although honestly, I don’t like this point. I feel like she goes through phases of being active and sometimes I go hours without feeling her. It’s sometimes nerve-wracking, especially because I’m paranoid…I make sure to count her movements though. 

Food cravings: Carbs- brown rice, mac and cheese, and bagels. Fruit- especially strawberries and pineapple! Smoothies are still really good as well, especially because I need the extra calories but sometimes things don’t sound so great.

Anything making you feel queasy or sick: Nausea has made it’s way back. It’s not constant like it was early on in the pregnancy, but I’ve been feeling sick every day at some point- sometimes it’s all morning or afternoon long, and other times it’s only for an hour or two. However, there isn’t much that sounds absolutely disgusting-woo!

Workouts: Lightweights, some core exercises, and short walks with Wrigley. My OB said short walks are fine, just nothing that puts me too long on my feet or that’s strenuous.

Showing? Yep. This shouldn’t be a question anymore either!

Gender: Girl 🙂 Nor should this, haha.

Symptoms: Still having Braxton-Hicks quite often and I had a second fetal fibronectin test at 30w5d which came back negative, so the doctor just said continue drinking plenty of water (I’ve always drank a shit ton of water and that’s pretty much all I drink- no issues there) and if I feel more than 6 an hour to come in.

I’m pretty fatigued in the afternoon, but I heard and read that this is normal at this stage.

Belly button in or out? Not completely out, but almost there!

Wedding ring on or off? On

Emotions: I’ve had a handful of hard moments the past couple of weeks. I

Looking forward to: Starting birthing classes! The first one is April 4 and I’m hoping I’ll learn some things and they’ll help us prepare a bit. The ultrasound on the 5th, though I’m nervous as well.

What’s Going on with Baby: Baby should be measuring over 16 inches long and weighing over 3 pounds and will be experiencing a growth spurt soon. She can turn her head and her body is beginning to fill out as she is putting on more fat. She is sleeping for longer stretches of time and her five senses can work now (although she won’t be able to smell until she is out of the womb).

Birth Plan…or Lack Thereof?

Now that I’m well into the third trimester (still feels so very surreal to type), I’ve had quite a few people ask me about my birthing plan and if I’m going for a “natural” birth or not. Let me first say that I’m not judging what anyone does. I applaud the ladies that choose not to be medicated, but quite frankly, I really don’t care and I don’t find that a natural birth automatically means good mother. I do, however, find labor and delivery stories interesting, but everyone is different! And most of the women that I’ve talked to and that have gone through a natural birth haven’t had any complications, any moments when the baby or mother’s health was at risk, or weren’t in labor for like 30 hours. With that being said, this is my birth plan:

I’m just gonna go with the flow.

Yep, that’s it. I’m not typing out a long ass plan or my utmost desires, although I will obviously let my doctor know my thoughts. And here’s my reasoning for it.

This is something that is not going to be in my control. I have no idea if I’ll go into preterm labor, or have to be induced, or if my water will break on it’s own, etc. This will obviously be my first labor and delivery, so I have NO idea what to expect. I’m sure I’ll feel a bit more confident once I take the labor classes and read that section in my books, but it’ll probably all go flying out the window once the time actually comes 😉

I’ve had two LEEP procedures done- one when I was only 19 and another when I was 22 or so. The gyno that performed them told me that it may cause some issues during labor, but I had to get them done and honestly wasn’t sure if I even wanted kids back then so I didn’t think twice about it (yes, there was a long period in my life when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mom. I was going through my own shit and despite making lots of dumbass decisions, I knew I wasn’t fit to be the mother I’d want to be at that point).

My OB at Fort Bliss and my new OB here also verified what I was told years ago and went into a bit more detail about it. Scar tissue builds up in the cervix (where the LEEP is performed to laser out the precancerous cells) which can hinder the labor process. A woman that has had a LEEP may not show any progress in dilation for a long time, then all of the sudden the scar tissue breaks apart. So, she could be stuck at 2-3cm for hours, then the scar tissue snaps and she can be almost fully dilated. Or, there could be so much that she never fully dilates on her own. Fun, huh? Haha. Yeahhh, that sounds like it may hurt just a wee bit, so if I happen to be one of those woman, a natural birth probably won’t be in the cards for me, haha. This doesn’t happen to every woman that has had LEEPS before, but it does happen. I was also recently told that they let women that have had LEEPS labor a bit longer than normal women because of this.

Now, I obviously want to do everything possibly to avoid a C-section, but I cannot control what the baby is going to do. If the baby’s health or mine own is ever at risk and a C-section is needed, I’m completely fine with it- safety is my priority. Same with my husband. He’s on board with whatever I want and doesn’t care if I want an epidural or not. I asked if he thought I’d be less of a woman if I decide I want meds, and he looked at me like I had three heads, haha (and asked why I wouldn’t want anything, haha).

I want to be as present as possibly, and it would be awesome if everything went smoothly and I were able to work through the pain on my own if there are no complications. But I’m not going to beat myself up over it. All we want is our baby girl, healthy and safe in our arms, no matter what route we take for her to get here 🙂

Haha…we shall see what happens when the time comes 😉

There are also a few other things that I’ll mention to the doctors/nurses as well:

*I’m hoping I don’t have to stay in bed the whole time I’m in labor and I can walk around a bit, but who knows, I may want to lay in ass in bed. I know after an epidural you’re bed ridden though so we shall see.

*Tyler will be the only person present in the room. My mom will be coming down a couple of weeks after she’s born (I’m hoping when he goes back to work to help me out!), and it would’ve been nice to have her down here for that, but it is what it is. Plus, I’m pretty adamant on just having Tyler in the room and he agrees- just us.

That’s about it!

Did you have a natural or medicated birth?

 

What did your birthing plan consist of?

Is there anything else I should take into consideration? I read some birthing plans online and nothing else really seemed applicable, but I’m sure I didn’t think of something! I’ll be starting a six week course where I’ll learn more about what the hell I’m doing 🙂

Who was in the room when you were delivering?